Looking at the image of himself, dressed in uniform, blood running down his face, ex-NT Police officer Nick Carter feels differently now than he did when the shot was taken in 2016.
The photo was released by NT Police to the media at the time as a confronting public reminder about the daily hazards faced by police officers in the line of duty.
Back then, Mr Carter's scars were very visible – the painful outcome of a punch to the face by a drunken punter on Darwin's main party strip, Mitchell Street.
Now, they run far deeper.
"The thoughts that go through my head now are a lot different to when it happened," said Mr Carter, who left the force last year and is now living in Adelaide's outer suburbs.
"Now that I'm no longer in the police, you do get flashbacks to that kind of thing, and that's one of the things that I know could've ended a whole lot worse."
The former officer has decided to speak publicly about the mental health issues he's been left to deal with on a daily basis, triggered, he has no doubt, by nearly a decade on the police frontline.
"You see things and hear things," Mr Carter said.
"You can no longer sit in a restaurant with your back to people. I've not been able to sit in a restaurant unless my back's against the wall for quite some time."
Mr Carter is among a cohort of former and current NT police officers who have chosen to come forward and speak out about mental health issues in the force – during and after their employment – and what they deem as inadequate services available to help them cope.
"When you go to a critical incident, and obviously that happens on a regular basis, the senior member is supposed to refer you then to a critical incident debriefing team," he said.
"And when that referral takes place… it just appears to be a tick-box exercise.
"There's no follow-up from that. Nobody ever gets back to you after that.
"Not via email, not via telephone… you're just kind of left [alone] after that.
ABC Radio Darwin has interviewed five current and former officers about the issue, some on the record, some forced to remain anonymous out of fear of losing their jobs.
Many are calling for the same thing – a public inquiry, similar to a recent royal commission which looked into defence force veteran suicides.
"In relation to a commission of some form, that's the kind of thing I'd like to see them focus on," Mr Carter said.
"People are definitely going to leave the force with PTSD… [so] not just during the job, but what support mechanisms are there after the job as well?"
The NT Police Association (NTPA) has backed the former officers' calls for an inquiry into police mental health.
"We've been lobbying the government for some time around an independent review into support and wellbeing for police officers here in the Territory," said NTPA president Paul McCue.
NT Police Minister Nicole Manison said in a statement that the government was working towards a review of the issue, but didn't specify if any of it would be conducted publicly.
"Work is already underway to conduct an independent review into the mental health and wellbeing of NT Police Officers and this will commence early this year," Ms Manison said.
Tyranny of working remotely
One of those who has felt the immense mental strain of working in the NT police force is former sergeant Derek Hartshorn.
It was the tyranny of remoteness – a small team required to work long hours in a tiny Gulf of Carpentaria township – that saw Mr Hartshorn hit his lowest ebb.
"You're just overworked," said Mr Hartshorn, who left the force in 2020.
"[Me and one other officer] did four days straight with three hours sleep over that four days, and they were in half-an-hour intervals.
"We just could not function anymore.
"And that's when I had the major breakdown."
Mr Hartshorn's mental health issues reached an alarming fever pitch during this period, he said, which saw him on the brink of suicide.
He said he came very close to pulling off the act, two or three times.
The former member said he loved policing in the Territory – particularly working in Indigenous communities and getting to learn more about culture and life in the NT bush.
But he said he believed there wasn't enough mental welfare support for those on the ground.
"I'd just like to see a lot more support, and a lot more touching base, just on general wellbeing."
Both Mr Hartshorn and Mr Carter acknowledged the importance of self-referring to internal police psychologists or external professionals, to help deal with the daily pressures of the job.
NT Police says it's 'committed to review'
NT Police Commissioner Jamie Chalker did not respond to a request for an on-camera interview.
Instead, Acting Assistant Police Commissioner Janelle Tonkin responded in an NT Police Media-issued statement, which listed the current services in place.
"The agency has a multidisciplinary team of psychologists, social workers, occupational rehabilitation advisors, wellbeing and health officers, peer supporters and chaplains to provide support services to staff," she said.
"Further services are provided to staff through external clinical referrals as the need arises."
Acting Assistant Commissioner Tonkin also said the force was "committed to undertaking a review of its structure to ensure services are fit for purpose and meeting the needs of its staff".
She also defended the availability of services on offer to members who have left the force.
"NT Police are offered the opportunity of an exit interview to raise issues that contributed to their resignation," Acting Assistant Commissioner Tonkin said.
"There is a provision for continued access to support and wellbeing services six months post retirement/resignation for NTPFES staff."
Police officials are also looking into a provision for the future, she said, which would see an extra officer based at remote stations, to allow more chances for officers to rest between shifts.
