Former prop forward Kane Evans says a weight has lifted from his shoulders after he became only the second male NRL player to come out as gay.
In an emotional interview with Channel Nine's 100% Footy, the 131-time NRL player said he had struggled with addiction, suicidal thoughts and experienced homelessness as he grappled with his sexuality.
"I had three goals in life," Evans said.
"And it was to play NRL, to buy my parents a house, and then I wanted to top myself, because I was living in denial from a young age.
"I know that I'm gay. But I went down every other avenue to sort of build up these walls. To be someone, to escape who I am."
Evans said former premiership player Joe Galuvao, now on staff with the Rugby League Players Association's past players and transition program, had helped turn his life around.
"Joe said, 'you deserve to live a good life and you deserve healing'," Evans said.
"I sat there and thought about what a good life or healing was. When he said that, that's when I started questioning, maybe death isn't in the plan for me yet. Maybe I do deserve to go and get help.
"I thank God that he came and visited me and got me into rehab with the help of the RLPA."
Sydney Roosters coach Trent Robinson, who handed Evans his NRL debut in 2014, also proved a lifeline.
The three-time premiership winning coach invited 34-year-old Evans to Roosters headquarters after he finished a stint in rehabilitation and has helped pay his rent.
"He called me just to let me know that the Roosters are still my home and they've got my back, whatever I'm facing," Evans said.
"That meant the world to me. He took me, my best friend, and one of my mentors to Roosters HQ a week after I got out of rehab.
"He gave them the full tour and took us into his office and virtually told me that the Roosters are paying for my mental health.
"Robbo, out of his own money, paid four weeks of my rent as I had just gotten into a place that week."
Evans becomes the first men's professional rugby league player to come out since Ian Roberts more than 30 years ago.
He celebrated four months of sobriety in May and hoped his story would show others they could live truthfully.
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"I've carried (hiding my sexuality) around my whole life," he said.
"I'm here today to show people that you don't have to live like that. Even now I feel a bit more free, just by saying it out loud, I've brought it to the light.
"I've had people blackmail me. I've had people try to throw me under the bus, I've had people try to deflect their problems by trying to out me. And it just built up a lot of shame, and fear and guilt within myself.
"Now I've spoken about it, I've shattered all those chains. They've lost their power. I feel like coming and speaking to you today, fear, shame, guilt – all of that, I've cut ties with all that.
"I feel peace within, and I feel like a weight has lifted off my shoulders. I'm a bit proud of myself and when I look in the mirror, I'm going to smile now, not have those bad thoughts."
One of the NRL's most feared enforcers at his peak, Evans made his NRL debut with the Roosters in 2014 and played 74 games there before joining Parramatta in 2018.
He played one season with the Warriors in 2021 and finished his professional career with English side Hull FC in 2023.
Evans also played 13 matches for Fiji at international level.
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