Q. My sister-in-law is best friends with my husband’s ex-wife. Before we got married, they had a tradition that their families spent Thanksgiving together. They have done it for years and want to continue it even though we are now married. The kids are supposed to be with their mother this year, so they will be at my sister-in-law’s — and so will my husband’s ex. My husband wants to go, but I don’t. I’ve been very patient for years, going to soccer games when she’s there, going to back-to-school night when she’s there. We are married now, and I don’t feel like I have to do it anymore. What’s good ex-etiquette?
A. You do realize what you are describing is a classic a bait-and-switch operation, right? You gave your husband the impression you understood his lifestyle, even supported it. He married you based on what you put out there and once married, you changed — and it sounds like you expect him to change as well. That’s incredibly unfair and deceitful.
Good Ex-etiquette for Parents Rule No. 8, “Be honest and straightforward,” is not just for exes or co-parents; it’s a guide to all people dealing with an ex situation. Being honest is the basis for any good relationship. It sounds as if you married this man under false pretenses.
