Q. I was going through my guy’s phone — it wasn’t like I was sneaking around; he knew. I found a folder with pictures of his ex, of them on trips with kids, on a cruise, and it made me uncomfortable. I asked him to delete them, and he refused. He said he doesn’t want to delete huge parts of his life and the kids may want the pictures someday. He didn’t think it was appropriate for me to even ask. I’m wondering what you think about this. Is this good ex-etiquette?
A Well, there’s all sorts of questions that play into my answer. First, I have no idea how long you have been seeing “your guy,” or if he feels as if you are “his gal.” If you just found this folder now, it sounds like it’s new. Are you exclusive? Living together?
Even so, I’ve pointed out many times that life with a man or woman who has children is not the same as a first-time relationship. It’s not like you can cut the off body or heads of the ex and display pictures of just dad and the kids around the house. (Although I have had clients complain that the new partner did just that.) Can you imagine how the children would feel if they saw that? And how that would color their attitude about their dad’s new partner?
