Q. Ironically, my divorce was final last Valentine’s Day. Over the last year my ex and I have both done some soul searching. We broke up because he cheated — but he has apologized many times and I’m thinking about trying it again. I think this Valentine’s Day would be a great day to start over. I’d like to suggest it, but I don’t know how he feels. What’s good ex-etiquette?
A. Red flags are flying high on this one. First, the irony of your divorce being final on Valentine’s Day is just too much to overlook. Although you say both you and your ex have done some soul searching, be aware of the sentimentality associated with the day and how that might be prompting you to overlook the other red flag right there in front of your face.
That RED flag? History. It is said that past behavior is the best predictor of future performance. Or you may have heard it put another way: Once a cheater, always a cheater. I truly believe people can change, so I am not saying your guy is destined to not be trusted. My philosophy is that it was his decision to cheat before, and if he really wants to right his wrong, hopefully he will now choose to handle his attractions to others in a more honest way.
