Former Hearts striker Ryan Stevenson has revealed how leaving full-time football drove him to the brink of suicide.
The 38-year-old has opened his heart on his fight with what he calls “football’s dark secret” and candidly admitted he had even chosen a date to end his life.
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Stevenson was struck by former Dundee and Ross County striker Sean Higgins’ brutally honest account in the Daily Record of a booze battle that struck after his own full-time days came to an end a decade ago.
He has backed calls for more awareness and support for professionals struggling with life after the game. Higgins, also 38, reckons the struggle to adapt and fill the sudden void in their lives continues to affect players up and down the country but with too many staying silent on their troubles.
Stevenson, whose career started at 12 when he left Ayrshire for London and Chelsea’s youth academy, had a top career with two spells at Hearts as well as St Johnstone, Ipswich and Ayr United before going part-time after leaving Raith Rovers aged 32 in 2017.
He said: “It scares me now thinking back. I had the date marked: January 7. I had a method. I’d researched how to end it all. The date wasn’t too close to Christmas that it would ruin my kids’ Christmas’ forever.
"But I was in that bad a place I thought I couldn’t go any longer than the seventh.”
Stevenson met fiancee Sarah that winter and, combined with seeing more of his sons, thankfully turned his life round. But he admits the loss of professional football in his life took him to the brink.
Stevenson added: “You’re like Peter Pan as a football player. You’re so caught up in it that it feels like it’s never going to end. Highs and lows.
"The emotions are so strong. But this is the game’s dark secret. It doesn’t matter how much money you’ve made, how many medals you’ve won - when it ends and you don’t have it any more then it can wreck anybody.”
The end of Stevenson’s full-time career arrived at the same time as a marriage split which left him seeing less of his two sons. With no more daily routine of football to focus his mind he reached his darkest place.
Which is why he is backing Higgins’ call for those feeling the onset of a struggle to seek help before it takes a grip. PFA Scotland run a Wellbeing Support Service for players suffering a range of issues from alcoholism, gambling addiction and mental health concerns.
Hearts hero Stevenson said: “Sean is absolutely right in what he said. Players need to know there’s support there. I would love to set something up to help.
"Sometimes I think players are embarrassed to go and speak to a doctor about these issues. No disrespect but if you talk to someone outside of football then they don’t know that euphoria of playing and scoring in front of thousands of people.
“I remember being embarrassed the first time I had to go and try to get a job. Being asked ‘what have you done?’ and telling them I’ve played football since I was 12. I’ve been through that now.
'But young footballers in some instances need help. Players that are coming out the game have a massive responsibility for youngsters going in to try to make them aware of the pitfalls that lie in wait.”
*PFA Scotland’s Wellbeing Support Service can be contacted on 0770 256 5916 or via email at info@pfascotland.co.uk
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