A former anorexic whose weight plummeted to just five-and-a-half stone said ditching toxic men and the gym has helped her stay in recovery and love her body. Lola Pähkinämäki, 30, battled anorexia from the age of 16 when she began starving herself to try and lose a few pounds.
But her eating disorder quickly escalated and Lola became dangerously thin, shedding more than half her body weight, and even childrens' clothes hung off her frame. The influencer - who says her look is inspired by Barbie - battled back to health.
She said she has recently kept on track with her lifelong recovery by learning about her triggers - toxic relationships and the gym environment. While she reached a healthy weight a few years ago, Lola was forced to re-assess her recovery when she fell carrying too many bags while leaving work.
She injured her shoulder and spinal cord and was hospitalised for three months and had to learn to walk and talk again. She is also battling with fatty liver disease and is awaiting a liver transplant and was struck with Covid whilst in hospital in March 2020.
The fashionista used to be obsessed with fitness but has since decided to leave the gym after her spinal chord injury as she realised it was a toxic environment for her. Lola said: “My life has changed unimaginably since suffering a brain injury.
“I lost my ability to walk and was in a wheelchair for three months. I had to learn to read and write again. While I was in hospital I was hit with Covid again and it completely savaged my lungs.
“Since the injury, I can’t handle life the same way. It has destroyed my life but but I had to stop fitness which was a huge blessing in disguise. It has saved me from a toxic environment.
“Even though the spinal injury has changed my life, it has made me do a lot of soul searching and I have taken time to reflect on myself and think. I haven’t entered a gym since I had my injury, except to do physio."
Lola has stopped using her fitness Instagram account and encourages other women to listen to their bodies. “Exercise can be an amazing thing but it can also be a huge trigger," she said.
“I haven’t seen a gym for three years. I didn’t want to talk about eating disorders under a fitness account."
Lola is now embracing single life and self-love and says therapy has been a lifeline after years of toxic relationships. “I’ve found over the years toxic relationships have been my main trigger," she said.
“I was on a date two weeks ago with a guy and he kept talking about fat people because he was trying to make me feel bad about myself."
Lola first developed an eating disorder when she was in her teens, when dieting lead to an unhealthy relationship with food. Lola was able to maintain a healthy weight for more than a year before she gradually began to lose more and more.
She began to recover, and while she was a healthy weight for many years, she didn't realise her mental health was being impacted by the gym until her spinal cord accident. The influencer wants to show how eating disorders can affect your health for years to come, even after recovery.
She now suffers with fatty liver disease which can be triggered by malnutrition. Over time her liver function has worsened and she is hoping to get a transplant.
“I looked horrible, I was yellow all over and I wanted to kill myself everyday," she said “Because I was in hospital unable to move I gained weight and this was triggering, I felt miserable.
“It threw me into a deep depression.”
Lola has to eat a strict diet and has to avoid certain foods such as potatoes. She has overcome the worst of her mental and physical demons and has come out the other side to help others.
She added: “I don’t believe we ever fully recover from eating disorders, we just learn to live it. Food isn’t my trigger, I can see people eating it’s actually a booster for me.
“I suffer with a bad anxiety disorder and have depression so my mental health can impact my eating habits.”
Often she gets comments on her social media calling her ‘fat’ or too thin but she chooses to ignore them. Since she has stopped going to the gym, Lola has also stopped weighing herself which has been hugely beneficial for her health.
She listens to her body and accepts that not everyday will be the same. Some sufferers of eating disorders use meal prep as a way of controlling their diet yet for Lola it helps her listen to her hunger.
“I box all my meals and will grab a portion to eat and if I’m still hungry, I will grab another," she said. “If I have an empty fridge I just won’t eat. It’s a form of healthy control, I don’t measure my food or calorie count.”
She is currently in the process of making a documentary about her life to inspire others. “I find myself being very positive person - helping others gives me joy and keeps be going," she said.
“I'm not going to give up, and I'm going to be very honest - nothing is ever perfectly fine,” added Lola. The optimist added she never uses filters and wouldn’t alter her body image with surgery.
She coaches women with eating disorders and helps them identify their triggers and talk about their issues .She buys clothes she loves in two different sizes - one in a smaller size and one in a larger size so it isn’t triggering when something feels too tight, she calls this 'clothing prep'.
“I’m so positive because of of all I've been through and what I have overcome all by myself," she said.
