The Eurovision Song Contest is upon us again. Tonight, 25 acts will perform at the Pala Alpitour in Turin in the hope of winning your votes. The firm favourite to win is Ukraine ’s Kalush Orchestra, a folk-rap group whose track ‘Stefania’ is a dedication to hardworking mothers.
The UK is currently second in the odds and is currently set to perform 22nd in the lineup, which may well be a lucky spot, given that 2019’s winner Netta also performed 22nd.
Even though the UK being near the top of the odds is a rare feat, some things at Eurovision never change.
The Eurovision Song Contest is still playing host to a variety of wacky acts, from Latvian environmentalists, to Georgian circus academy dropouts, to Norwegian intergalactic wolves.
Here is our guide to five of the most eccentric artists to grace the Eurovision stage this year.
NORWAY
This year, Norway is not represented by humans at Eurovision, but rather by wolves. These banana-yellow wolves are named ‘Jim’ and ‘Keith’, and they perform alongside their friend, DJ Astronaut.
But these aren’t just any wolves. Subwoofer claim to be the biggest band in the galaxy, after forming 4.5 billion years ago on their home planet, the Moon.
In true Masked Singer meets Eurovision style, the identities of the men behind the wolf masks have not been publicly revealed, but they are believed to be public figures in Norway.
Their entry Give that wolf a banana is a fun, dance track which features the line “before that wolf eats my grandma, give that wolf a banana”.
Subwoofer have not revealed the meaning of the song, but international press have speculated that it is a humorous metaphor for Covid-19 vaccinations.
GEORGIA
Georgia was represented by the band Circus Mircus, who describe themselves as “three local circus academy dropouts” who met at the end of 2020 at “the entrance to Bishkek rehabilitation centre” - while they did not make it to the final.
The band’s fourth member was “picked up from the street and promoted to bass player”.
Georgia’s song Lock me in is a Brit-pop style rock song with fun lyrics, and their performance features a mini Circus Mircus in a jack in the box.
Much like the act from Norway, the identities of the members of Circus Mircus are a mystery to the public, as the band disguise their faces by wearing balaclavas, flowery fake beards, and eye patches.
“Identities are so old fashioned and we don’t care about faces, as you can always be whatever you want to be, as long as you work hard,” the band revealed in an interview with me.
SAN MARINO
The tiny micro state of San Marino was represented by the gender-bending, bleach-blonde Italian megastar Achille Lauro who also did not make the final.
Achille Lauro has a grand total of 1.7 million Instagram followers, which is fifty times the population of the country he is representing, who have a population of only almost 34,000 people.
His entry Stripper is a raunchy, rock anthem, which is certainly one for after the watershed. His performance features an intimate moment between himself and his guitarist and a glittery red bull, which Achille goes on to ride during the performance.
Describing his entry, Lauro says “it’s a track based on the duality of man and woman, I would call it a feminist anthem. It’s about feeling like a woman and not worrying about outside judgment.”
During a press conference at the Eurovision venue in Turin, Lauro revealed that he only sleeps for three hours every night, which perhaps explains his eccentric and provocative creativity.
LATVIA
Latvia was represented by Citi Zeni, a group of six vegetarian environmentalists who sing about eating your salad to save the planet.
Their song is all about why it’s good to be green, using the Eurovision stage as a means of environmental activism.
Doesn’t sound too wacky, right? All sounds very noble. Well, the first line of their song Eat Your Salad is what really caused a stir in Turin.
Their opening line ‘Instead of meat, I eat veggies and p****, I like them both fresh, like them both juicy’, has been the subject of much debate.
Whilst some commentators find the line misogynistic as it evokes taboos around vaginal cleanliness, others find the line extremely fun, especially as the band can’t actually say a certain controversial word on stage. So, they rely on a call and response with the audience to complete the line.
MOLDOVA
Moldova has emerged recently as a fan favourite here in Turin, thanks to their high energy and mixture of traditional instruments and dance music.
Their song Trenulețul, which means ‘train’ in Romanian, makes train journeys from Moldova’s capital Chisinau to the Romanian capital Bucharest sound a lot more exciting than your typical LNER journey from King’s Cross to Edinburgh.
It features the catchy lyric “Hey ho! Let's go, Folklore și (and) Rock’n’roll, Pleacă trenul! Unde esti? (The train is leaving! Where are you?), Chișinău – București (Chisinau to Bucharest)”
The band Zdob si Zdub has already represented Moldova at Eurovision on two other occasions. Their first appearance in 2005 marked Moldova’s Eurovision debut.
In 2011, the band represented Moldova a second time and truly embraced the wackiness of Eurovision, by performing on unicycles whilst wearing giant garden gnome hats. Because why not, it’s Eurovision!
The Eurovision Song Contest 2022 airs live on BBC One at 8pm.
