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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Lifestyle

Estrangement from a child is like a never-ending bereavement

An older woman sitting at a dining table on her own
‘I see many rejected parents who have to live with the emotional and psychological devastation of having been cut off from an adult child’. Photograph: Tero Vesalainen/Alamy

Gaby Hinsliff’s article (‘I never want you around your grandchild’: the families torn apart when adult children decide to go ‘no contact’, 9 November) was a hard read, but a very welcome one given the increasing frequency of estrangement between parents and adult children. As parents who have been estranged for three years from our daughter, we too can testify to the sheer pain and sense of bereavement which occurs when estrangement happens out of the blue, and which is rightly highlighted in the article.

Like others, we have followed the psychologist Joshua Coleman’s excellent guidance and observations very carefully in an attempt to try to come to terms with this horrible experience, and welcome the fact that he highlights the role of therapists. There are many excellent professional therapists out there. However, it is our belief that our daughter’s therapist succeeded at a stroke in bringing about the destruction of a previously loving and constant family relationship. This has also included our young grandchildren, who now must be heartbreakingly confused at the sudden loss of their grandparents from their lives.

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