Navigating the landscape of online dating can sometimes feel like learning a new language — and in a lot of ways, it is. Like most people browsing dating websites and apps, you’ve probably found yourself Googling terms like “ghosting” or acronyms like “DTR” and “ENM.” Since when did everything become an acronym, BTW (by the way)?
Getting a better idea of the terms’ meanings will help you find exactly what you’re looking for — and make sure the person on the other side of the screen is on the same page.
DTR: define the relationship
When two people have been dating or seeing each other casually, they may have a DTR conversation — a discussion about the status of the relationship and mutually establishing what they want from each other. This helps both individuals clarify their expectations, establish exclusivity and determine if they are on the same page regarding the future of the relationship.
LDR: long-distance relationship
If someone notes that they are against (or for!) an LDR in their dating bio, they are establishing whether they are OK with dating someone outside their geographical location. While some have no issues with relying on technology to keep in touch without as much face-to-face contact, LDRs require a strong level of trust, communication and commitment. When chatting with someone who doesn’t live nearby, it’s best to establish early on if you’re both willing to put in the effort required to make a LDR work. Luckily, with video calls and texting, LDRs are bringing people together — even though they’re apart — in a way like never before.
ENM: ethical non-monogamy
ENM refers to various relationship styles where individuals have consensual romantic or sexual involvement with multiple partners, such as polyamory — so if you spot this on someone’s profile, they’re looking for a non-monogamous relationship. ENM recognizes that people have different relationship preferences and allows for open communication and respect among everyone involved.
ONS: one-night stand
If someone mentions they’re not looking for a ONS, they mean they’re seeking a longer-term relationship rather than a brief intimate encounter. Whether you want to swipe right or left on someone seeking a ONS is completely up to you — there’s nothing wrong with one as long as both parties agree to it and have their expectations set accurately.
IG: Instagram
Is someone asking for your IG? They’re looking for you to share your Instagram account as a way to connect and learn more about your life. Following each other on social media can help provide a deeper glimpse into social circles and interests, but don’t share this information until you’re comfortable with the person you’re communicating with — and be aware that they will find a lot of information, from where you hang out to who you spend time with.
DM: direct message
Maybe you’ve heard the term “slide into my DMs,” slang for private messaging on social media platforms like Instagram, Twitter and Facebook (not the new Threads, though!). Instead of communicating where others can read your comments or statuses, this allows two people to connect directly with each other and possibly take their relationship further.
Ghosting
Have you ever experienced when someone you’re dating abruptly cuts off all communication, leaving you without closure or an explanation as to what happened? That’s ghosting. While not encouraged — you should always let someone know you don’t feel a relationship is working out and you wish them the best — it’s likely that the person doing the ghosting sees it as the easiest option. (It generally reflects that person’s inability or unwillingness to communication their feelings — maybe it’s a good thing to walk away.)
Situationship
It's not a relationship. But it's also not something casual. A situationship really can't be defined ... hence the name. You're in an undefined situation. Sadly, one party often wants more, and the other is keeping them at bay. Best to express your wants and desires so you don't find yourself in a situation(ship) you didn't mean to be in.
Understanding the ever-expanding lexicon of dating language can help you navigate the world of online dating successfully by setting boundaries, clarifying expectations and communicating effectively. Not to mention, you may want to steer clear of some of these if they’re not what you’re also looking for in a relationship. And when a new term pops up, always be sure to Google it — you know what they say about assuming.
