When I started my business back in 2011 (sometimes it feels like time has flown, and sometimes it feels like I’ve been doing this forever), the only online dating sites in existence were ones with long profiles that you can only check on your computer (Tinder didn’t come out until 2012). Now, people have options — paid vs. free sites, “traditional” sites vs. apps, longer profiles vs. shorter profiles, and the list goes on. One thing that hasn’t changed, though, is the need to put your best foot forward in the profile.
Let’s have a little refresher on how to make your profile stand out from the crowd:
1. Keep things positive.
People would prefer to read what you are looking for, not what you don’t want. I see profiles all the time listing things like, “I’m not looking for a one-night stand,” or “If you hate camping, we won’t get along.” Try these instead: “I’m ultimately looking for a committed relationship” and “Camping is a big part of my life, and it would be great to share that with someone. Grab your bear spray!”
2. Talk more about you than what you’re looking for.
Many profiles forget that online dating is a chance to essentially sell yourself. It’s not, however, a menu at a sushi restaurant. I want spicy crunchy tuna, but leave off the spicy mayo and add brown rice. I want a woman who is under 5-foot-6 and fit, but she’s not a gym rat, and she likes going to breweries. Notice the similarities?
Stating what you want isn’t inherently bad by any means. But without also sharing what you have to offer — a few hobbies, places you’ve lived, etc. — then even if someone fits that mold, that person is not likely to choose you because it’s very one-sided.
3. Find the Goldilocks length.
On sites like Match.com and eHarmony, I recommend a few short paragraphs. On apps like Bumble or Tinder, a few sentences will be enough to get across what you need to. Don’t leave the profile section blank. That essentially tells people that 1) you’re lazy or not invested in the process or 2) you think your photos are all you need to make people interested. Neither is a good look. And on the flip side, if you write too much, people will automatically pass over you because 1) they don’t have the patience to read the whole thing or 2) it makes you look a bit self-absorbed.
4. Avoid “empty adjectives.”
“I’m funny, smart, and attractive.” “I’m honest, spontaneous, and loyal.” “My friends tell me I’m kind, generous, and selfless.” La la la — that’s nice. All of these examples include what I call “empty adjectives,” or words that really have no meaning until you get to know someone. For example, “funny” is very subjective. I just met a woman whose idea of humor was sarcastically making fun of people for their meal choices. That’s not funny to me. Puns are funny to me. So, if she had written “I’m funny” in her profile, it’s essentially meaningless. (Also, don’t yuck my yum.)
Now, let’s look at two examples of a Bumble profile, one that does not follow this advice and one that does:
Does not follow
My friends tell me I’m funny, smart and attractive. I want to meet someone who doesn’t sit around all day on the couch eating potato chips, who is smart enough to know the difference between “to” and “two” (seriously, why are people so dumb?), and who thinks they can prove me wrong that most people are just lazy. I’m a person with a plan, and that plan is to meet you over Facetime first so I can screen you to see if you’re even being honest about your photos. Let’s get real, I want someone in the top 5% of looks. Like I said, my friends think I’m awesome, and you will too. It’s a given.
Does follow
I like my peanut butter crunchy, my weekends spent outdoors hiking or biking, and my reading material to be paper books over Kindle. Call me old-fashioned… though I do like my iPhone 13.
Looking for someone who has ambitions in life but knows when to just take in the moment. Is that you?
____
