That’s it from us. After four hours of delirium and disbelief, I find myself with a very happy headache. Thanks to Daniel Harris for teeing things up so nicely (and choosing to go first today). Thanks to you for keeping us company – and making Boris Johnson’s Rwanda policy only the second most-read story of the afternoon on The Guardian site.
Thanks to the authors of the many witty emails we’ve received, especially the ones I didn’t have time to open. And thanks above all to two people: Jonny Bairstow, who has given us some magic memories, and Ben Stokes, who has changed the culture of the England team in two Tests flat.
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“Test cricket,” wrote James Walsh a while ago, “is now Bairstow hitting the best bowler in the match for six and the camera cutting, inexplicably, to a man in the crowd dressed as a lobster.
“Surreal experience here in London Bridge – watching the denouement in an old man’s pub with the sound turned off and Magic FM playing. Sixes flying everywhere and me the only one watching – I guess 2005 was a long time ago.”
“It’s the crowd that I feel sorry for,” says Steve Laville, “robbed of the final hour’s play. I am so outraged I will willingly refund them the price of admission out of my own pocket.” Haha.
“I think,” says Tim Sanders, “this might be Jonny Bairstow’s first century in the second innings of a Test. Maybe an advantage of his not keeping wicket, although I wouldn’t say so to his face.” Ha. You’re absolutely right. Bairstow’s other eight Test tons all came in England’s first innings.
Until today, his average in the second innings for England was just 26, with a top score of 83. (Full list here.) He picked the right moment to do something about that.
Earlier he was asked if he had known how close he was to Gilbert Jessop’s famous record, set in 1902, for the fastest Test hundred for England. Jessop did it in 76 balls, Bairstow in 77. “No,” he said cheerfully. “I thought it was Stokesy!”
They have both made history today.
Meanwhile the hive mind of the OBO is already thinking about England’s selection for the third Test. “With Stokes seemingly suffering a knee injury,” says Tom van der Gucht, “whilst Leach’s pride was wounded by his figures, is there a chance Moeen Ali could be back for the batting all-rounder spot for the next Test...”
Maybe, but I suspect Stokes will play through that bruise on the knee, especially as there’s an extra week to recover. Mo is in the Netherlands with the one-day squad, so they would have to re-route him, which seems a bit far-fetched. He is more likely to come back in November for the tour of Pakistan, along with his good mate Adil Rashid.
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“May I just say,” murmurs Bob Wilson, “that, like everyone else, I’ve occasionally been disobliging about Bairstow’s technique (because of what a huge cricketing expert I am and all). How delightful to be reminded of the very deep pleasure of finding yourself proved to be hopelessly ignorant. There’s nothing to be said about a ton like that, apart from, wow, everybody learned something today. Ridiculous stuff.”
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“Do you think T20 tactics can ever be incorporated into Test cricket, Tim?” asks Paul Griffin. “Do you? Do you?”
“A busy work day here in Toronto,” says Martin Gwynn Jones, “so it’d been a little while since I’d checked the MBM. I saw that big, beaming pic of Bairstow and thought ‘Nice one, he must’ve got a fairly brisk 50’.” Ha.
Oh, and Mel also asked Bairstow the big question: what did you have for tea?
“A cheese toastie.”
It probably already has its own Twitter account.
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The Player of the Match is, of course, Jonny Bairstow. That was a magical cricket moment, Mel Jones tells him. “Thanks very much,” he replies. “I don’t know what to say to that.” Awwww. He even thanks everyone for coming.
“It was great fun to be out there... We saw it as a one-day game. The pitch was very good, the outfield was very fast. The positive cricket we’re looking to play, we’ve got the players to play that brand of cricket. It’s very exciting. Let’s see what happens in the next few weeks.
“That never-say-die attitude, the ever-evolving confidence that people have got in each other in that dressing room allowed people to go and flourish. The way Joe and Pope played in the first innings set up the way that we were able to play at the end.”
Asked where this knock rates in his England career, he says: “Yeah, it’s number one.” Cometh the hour, cometh a very decent man.
“A huge shout-out to Nottingham County Cricket Club,” says Stokes. “A full house here really got us going out there. Don’t underestimate the power of the home crowd.”
What’s next for this team? “Headingley!” he says with a smile. “We’re going to come even harder.”
I’m not sure that’s even possible, but good on him.
“So, in the end,” says Paul Haynes, “it was a good toss to win?” Ha.
And here’s the winning captain, a Mr B Stokes. “Two from two,” says Mel Jones, “record run-chase – this captaincy thing, you’ve taken to it like a duck to water.”
“Nah, I can’t take too much credit for that,” Stokes replies. “I’ve got to give credit to the [other] ten of the boys for the whole performance for five days. Today was perfectly set up for the way we want to go about things – run into the danger rather than back away.
“It wasn’t just myself and Jonny there. Give credit to Lees at the top again. The more he plays, the more comfortable he looks as a Test-match opener. Two really important knocks for the team in different circumstances...”
Bairstow? “Once Jonny gets those Jonny eyes on him, there’s no stopping him.”
Foakes? “Best keeper in the world, progressing a batsman as well.”
He hasn’t even mentioned Pope or Root yet. Or Broad or Anderson.
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“I think,” says Stephen Brown, “from the moment Root was out for 3 we all knew it was going to go that way, didn’t we? That’s the problem with Test matches, all too predictable these days... Cheers for the excellent coverage as always.” Our pleasure. It’s a privilege to cover a performance like this.
Tom Latham, the losing captain, is being interviewed. “At tea, it was still in the balance,” he says. “But the way Jonny and Ben were able to play there was outstanding, and full credit to them.”
A few more factoids for you. England’s winning score of 299 for five took exactly 50 overs. At tea, they needed 160 off 38 overs. They got them off 16 overs. Bairstow scored 93 of those 160, Stokes 50. Not a bad player to put in the shade.
People who improved on their highest Test score in this match
Daryl Mitchell, with 190.
Alex Lees, with 67.
Ollie Pope, with 145.
Matty Potts, with 3.
People who had the finest hour of their whole career
Jonny Bairstow, with 136 off 92 balls.
What a day to be there. And it was free! That was an inspired decision by Notts CCC.
Also, a tip of the hat to my colleague Daniel Harris, who wrote this at the end of the 17th over, when Bairstow was on four. (Thanks to Fairy Cakes on Twitter for pointing it out, amid the mayhem of the chase.)
“This is such an opportunity for Bairstow who will, no doubt, be nurturing some kind of resentment or other, and I’d love it to be him, if it’s anyone, who sees England home. There’s something so lovable about him that tells me he’s the absolute best mate anyone could have.”
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“I am so confused,” says James Jackson. “Does this nail down Jonny’s spot and put an end to the debate about whether to bring in Jos Buttler.....or does this make the case that we need both?
Either way....this is very exciting.”
England win the series
England have won the series! Against the World Test Champions. Who they hadn’t beaten for seven years, until last week.
Stokes raises his bat and walks off, his face almost as red as his hair. The players of both sides exchange handshakes. The New Zealanders, who made 553 here after being put in, have played their part in a fabulous exhibition.
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England win! A famous victory
50th over: England 299-5 (Stokes 75, Foakes 12) Target 299 Boult continues, it’s in the slot, and Stokes swings him for a straight six! When Boult tries a yorker, Stokes blocks for four. And then he blasts a cut for four more, to wrap it all up. England win by five wickets, in the greatest style you will ever see. Phenomenal stuff.
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49th over: England 285-5 (Stokes 61, Foakes 12) Target 299 Foakes tucks for four and then gives a chance! Dropped at extra-cover by Bracewell, diving to his right. That’s the 11th or 12th drop of the match. And the four means that this match is now the biggest boundary bonanza in Test history.
On a day when the government has made a lot of people ashamed to be British, the cricketers have done us proud.
48th over: England 281-5 (Stokes 61, Foakes 8) Target 299 Foakes, facing Boult, forages a few more. England need 18 off 24 overs, at 0.75 per over.
“Batting collapse coming?” says Philip Morton in Berkeley, California. “Still can’t give up the pessimism that belongs to being a long time England supporter. But 5th day Test cricket is the best. I remember the Oval in 2005, which is still my favourite series.” Yes, great series, great day, but that was a draw – which is what WinViz was expecting this to be for most of the day.
47th over: England 278-5 (Stokes 61, Foakes 5) Target 299 Back comes Henry, so Latham is playing his two strongest cards at once, hoping for a miracle. Ben Foakes comes to the party, whipping the ball to the midwicket boundary. Stokes nearly gets run out, but it’ll take more than a mix-up to stop him being there at the end of this.
“England were one win in 17 before Lord’s,” Mark Butcher notes. “The difference the change in personnel has made is amazing.”
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46th over: England 272-5 (Stokes 60, Foakes 0) Target 299 Well bowled Trent Boult, the bowler of the match, and the series so far – that’s his 12th wicket since he, like Bairstow, turned up jetlagged from the IPL.
Bairstow is now sitting on the balcony, chatting to Brendon McCullum, drinking in the atmosphere they both did a lot to create, as the crowd sings God Save The Queen.
Wicket! BAIRSTOW c Blundell b Boult 136 (England 272-5)
Two more fours, and then he nicks one! That is the end of the Test innings of Jonny Bairstow’s life. Stokes gives him a high five and a clasp of the hand. The crowd give him a standing ovation. What a moment.
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45th over: England 264-4 (Bairstow 128, Stokes 60) Target 299 NZ get the ball changed. May as well, I suppose. Bracewell gets some encouragement as the new ball flies off a length, beating Bairstow’s reverse sweep. But then it’s business as usual again: a cut for four from Bairstow, a pull for four from Stokes, and then a massive straight six from Stokes. “That went so hard and so far,” says Ian Ward, “that Leo the cameraman fell over trying to track it.” The partnership is now 171 off 19.5 overs. Who needs The Hundred?
“I’m an American trying to get into cricket...” says Karalee Whiting. “What a Test match to start with! Thanks for the commentary. :)“ Our pleasure! At this rate, the whole continent of America will one won over.
“The problem with Test cricket,” says Gary Naylor on Twitter, “is that tickets are too expensive and it’s too slow.” Ha.
Fifty to Stokes!
44th over: England 249-4 (Bairstow 123, Stokes 50) Target 299 A single to each batter, a few dots – just when it looks as if they’re going to settle for two off this over, Stokes hobbles down the pitch and blasts Southee for six! He reaches his fifty off 55 balls. Not a bad second fiddle. And 50 is what England need.
“TMS were asking yesterday,” says Tony Cowards, “for suggestions as to who played England’s best ever innings. Seems they asked a day too early.” Good line.
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England now need 58 off 29 overs. Two an over! “You should just knock it around,” says Nasser Hussain, appearing as the ghost of cricket past. “Not sure these two are going to do that!”
A hundred since tea!
43rd over: England 241-4 (Bairstow 122, Stokes 43) Target 299 It’s been a few minutes since we had a six – so Bairstow provides one! And another! Both slog-sweeps off Bracewell. Followed by a four, as he slog-sweeps yet again and takes one hand off the bat. England have made 102 since tea, in nine overs, and Bairstow has blasted 79 of them.
42nd over: England 224-4 (Bairstow 106, Stokes 42) Target 299 After taking a minute to catch his breath, Bairstow resumes the carnage and cover-drives Southee, on the up, for four more.
He just missed Jessop’s record, by the way: Jessop 76 balls, Bairstow a frankly sluggish 77. So it’s just the fastest Test hundred for England in 120 years.
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Hundred to Bairstow! And it's a classic
Southee returns and keeps Bairstow quiet for two balls. But then he runs it away past backward point for three, and there it is – the best Test hundred he has ever made. He jumps for joy, as well he may. Only 77 balls. Nine fours. Five sixes. He came straight into this series from the IPL, and now he’s brought the IPL to a packed house at Trent Bridge.
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41st over: England 216-4 (Bairstow 99, Stokes 41) Target 299 As Latham takes Henry off and brings back Bracewell, Bairstow needs four off three balls to break Jessop’s ancient record. He cuts for two. Cuts again, wants two more, gets sent back, and there’s almost a run-out! Stokes faces a few balls, still wincing from that bruised knee. Only three off the over! But that’s more than they need now – the target is 83 off 31 overs. Stokes’ injury is more of an obstacle than the runs required.
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40th over: England 213-4 (Bairstow 96, Stokes 41) Target 299 One measure of Bairstow’s firework display is that he has reduced Stokes to second fiddle. In the last over, Stokes hit himself on the inside of the knee, the second most tender part of the male anatomy. He grimaced and bore it, and now he lifts a pull for two and steps away to cut for four. Only six off the over: things are looking up for poor old Tom Latham.
39th over: England 207-4 (Bairstow 96, Stokes 35) Target 299 Bairstow isn’t just blasting the cover off the ball: he’s hitting it cleanly too. Henry goes full now, and Bairstow cover-drives, as if using a laser, to bring up the 200 and reduce the target to double figures. A rare block, and then a cut that flies through the vacant gully for four. Gully is only vacant, by the way, because these two have spread the field.
Bairstow has 96 off 72 balls. Buckle up and enjoy the ride!
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And 16 off this one!
38th over: England 198-4 (Bairstow 88, Stokes 34) Target 299 Now Boult drops short, and you can guess the rest: a pull for six from Bairstow. And another! Top-edged, but he got enough on it. The hundred partnership comes up off 73 balls. Bairstow allows Boult one dot, then cuts for four. He has 88 off 68 balls, so he needs 12 off his next seven to break the record for England’s fastest Test hundred set by Gilbert Jessop in 1902. A hundred and 20 years ago!
The New Zealanders hold a meeting; Bairstow has a drink. England have blasted 59 off four overs. We need to know what they had for tea.
Seventeen off the over!
37th over: England 182-4 (Bairstow 72, Stokes 34) Target 299 Henry again, going short again, and Barstow is hooking again – for six! And then four off the top edge – no, hang on, it’s the helmet. Bairstow has headed a four!
And another six! The slight snag with Henry’s plan is that the hooks are going to the short boundary. England have made 42 off the first 16 balls after tea! Henry changes tack, aims for the top of off, and beats Bairstow with an inswinger that goes for a bye. Staggering stuff. The partnership is 89 off 70 balls. It’s like Ian Botham at Headingley 1981, except that there’s a Beefy at both ends.
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36th over: England 165-4 (Bairstow 60, Stokes 34) Target 299 Boult isn’t looking to bounce them out: he’ll pitch it up. And Bairstow will hit him on the up for six! Over mid-off. Stokes adds a late cut for four. Another 13 off the over! The target is down to 134 off 36. If England win this match, some of the credit should go to Eoin Morgan.
“I think,” says Chris Harrison, “Kummerspeck actually refers to the lard that you add to your waistine through comfort eating.” Ah.
35th over: England 152-4 (Bairstow 52, Stokes 29) Target 299 It’s Matt Henry to continue, with a field that says very loudly that the bowling is going to be short. It is, and Bairstow is equal to it – hooking for four, pulling for four more. The first shot brings up the fifty partnership off only nine overs. The second takes Bairstow to his own fifty – 51 off 51 balls! He pulls yet again, for a single, and then Stokes plays a canny steer for four. Thirteen off the over! I’m running out of exclamation marks.
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Ben Duxbury has already written the final scene. “If this doesn’t end with Branderson needing four off the last over and the Kiwis needing one wicket,” he says, “I’ll be most disappointed.”
“I spent a marvellous, albeit cricket free, summer working in the Black Forest many years ago,” says David Martin. Very Guardian! “Kummerspeck was a term used for the food that you eat when you feel sad. I think a literal translation would be ‘Grief Bacon’. Perhaps an ominous email to send.” We can take it.
“Thanks for the excellent coverage as always,” says James Taylor. Too kind! “It’s remarkable how much tension you can feel just reading the description of events. This couldn’t turn into the Stokes and Leach show again? Could it?” It could. But that may be underestimating Bairstow...
“On this display,” says Neil Jones, “Southee would struggle to get a pro’s job in the league I played in, and the off-spinner is feeding a reverse sweep. Easy pickings against a very feeble attack. England to win this at a canter.”
Is this a rare sighting: a spot of English over-confidence?
“Just as we’ve got used to the idea of Branderson,” says John Starbuck, “can we float the possibility of Bairstokes?”
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“Afternoon de Lisle, afternoon everybody,” says Josh Robinson. “I was struck by how you wrote about the need of this pair to put on a hundred, rather than bat until (say) an hour after tea. And I think you’re right, in that runs are key to the dynamic of the game: what I love about this kind of match situation is how a purely defensive mentality of blocking is generally not the best strategy, as it lets the fielding captain keep the pressure on for longer.
“Best wishes from Philadelphia btw, where I saw a great game between the Phillies and the Marlins last night.” Nice one.
Tea: NZ narrowly on top
34th over: England 139-4 (Bairstow 43, Stokes 25) Target 299 Stokes is even looking to attack Boult, the best bowler in the match. He tries to drive a yorker, one-handed, but can’t beat the fielder at mid-on. Then there’s a bouncer, which Stokes treats with a respectful sway. Another yorker, well dug out, though it leaves Stokes wincing as it jars his left thumb. He leaves the last ball, showing that he does occasionally see discretion as the better part of valour. This is a great contest: two champions, going eye to eye.
And that’s tea, with England needing another 160 off 38 overs. If these two stay together for half that, they should win; if not, NZ will surely square the series.
“WinViz is missing something,” says Simon Gates. “We must have a decent chance of a tie...” Ha.
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33rd over: England 138-4 (Bairstow 42, Stokes 25) Target 299 Bracewell is taken off, in a minor triumph for Stokes. Back comes Matt Henry, who, like Boult, hasn’t had a decent rest. If they were footballers, they’d be in the red zone for injuries. Henry, who was immense earlier, has an LBW shout against Stokes, but he’s forgotten that the ball isn’t allowed to pitch outside leg. Latham reviews, ridiculously (it’s also too high). Are the Kiwis getting rattled? If so, Stokes rubs it in by giving Henry the charge and hitting an off-drive that’s more of an off-blast. Four more! Even WinViz now gives England 30pc.
32nd over: England 131-4 (Bairstow 40, Stokes 21) Target 299 Boult returns, manfully, as he hasn’t had a long rest. He almost makes the difference, luring Bairstow into a loose cut that would be a chance if there was a second slip. Instead it goes for four, and Bairstow, unbowed, cover-drives the next ball for an airy two. That’s Jos Buttler’s shot!
And with that, this becomes the highest-scoring Test ever held at Trent Bridge. We’ve had 1504 runs off 390 overs, which is more, apparently, than any of the previous 64 Tests here, going back to 1899. History has been made.
There’s then a delay while the ball is changed. This Test has surely broken records in that department too. Bairstow and Stokes add three singles, so the runs continue to flow. Although NZ remain the favourites, England’s aggression is making it devilishly hard for Tom Latham to set a field.
31st over: England 122-4 (Bairstow 32, Stokes 20) Target 299 Stokes pulls Bracewell to long-on for a single, Bairstow reverse-sweeps for another single, and then Stokes pulls for four to deep midwicket. They’re making it look so easy that a calamity must be just around the corner.
England need another 177 off 41 overs. Latest percentages from WinViz: draw 46pc, NZ 35, England 19.
30th over: England 116-4 (Bairstow 31, Stokes 15) Target 299 While Stokes deals in boundaries, Bairstow just loves running. He cuts Southee to third man for three, then flicks to long leg for two. The partnership is already 23 off 28 balls.
I’ve barely had time to look at my email, sorry, but here’s one from Ruth Purdue. “I have a question.” she says. “Why are spinners allowed to lick their bowling fingers and then touch the ball? I thought that wasn’t allowed anymore? Or are the rules only about saliva directly onto the ball?” Ah – I’m not sure. Is there an umpire in the house?
29th over: England 110-4 (Bairstow 25, Stokes 15) Target 299 Stokes is playing less like a Test captain, more like a man with a train to catch. He reverse-sweeps Bracewell for four, then does it again! In the greatest performance of his Test career, he started off very sedately. Not today.
28th over: England 101-4 (Bairstow 24, Stokes 7) Target 299 Scrap that! Stokes gives Southee the charge and blasts him for a straight six. Something tells me England are not playing for a draw here.
Southee’s response is to produce a fierce lifter, jagging away, which he thinks has taken the glove, but neither the umpire nor his captain is convinced. UltraEdge shows nothing at all.
The required rate is still 4.5, but it’s all about how long this partnership can last.
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27th over: England 95-4 (Bairstow 24, Stokes 1) Target 299 Stokes has to play himself in against Bracewell, the man who got him out on Sunday, when Stokes played possibly the most supercharged innings ever attempted by an England captain. Calmer now, he gets off the mark with a back-foot push to long-on. England need another 204 off 45 overs.
26th over: England 93-4 (Bairstow 23, Stokes 0) Target 299 That’s a big moment for Tim Southee, who, until just now, had none for 187 in the match – and had just been steered for three by Bairstow. So England are down to their last pair of top-order batsmen, with just Foakes and a long tail to come. If these two don’t put on at least 100, England are stuffed.
Wicket! Lees c Blundell b Southee 44 (England 93-4)
The pendulum swings again! Just as these two are getting on top, Southee gets the ball to hold its line outside off and Lees gets a regulation nick. Three chapters and you’re out.
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25th over: England 90-3 (Lees 44, Bairstow 20) Target 299 Lees is already into the third chapter of his innings. He set off like a dervish (29 off 24 balls), then went into his shell (1 off 28), and has now emerged again. To prove it, he dances down the track to Bracewell and lofts him for six! No other scoring shot needed.
24th over: England 84-3 (Lees 38, Bairstow 20) Target 299 Bairstow, facing Southee, plays a beautiful shot first ball, an on-drive of the highest class. Are you Greg Chappell in disguise? That takes Bairstow to 17, his highest score of the series. Lees then flirts with disaster by under-edging close to his stumps, but Bairstow is confident enough to open the face and pick up two past gully. Eight off the over!
Trent Boult is going off the field, possibly to have a word with Jamieson. “Mate, you’ve got to come out here, chase after a ball to the rope, get a bang on the head, then we can replace you with Wagner.”
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23rd over: England 76-3 (Lees 37, Bairstow 13) Target 299 Tom Latham turns to spin for the first time today. It’s Michael Bracewell, the 31-year-old beginner who has looked so comfortable with both bat and ball. There are singles on offer and both batters take one, but Bracewell, unfazed as usual, manages four dots.
Thanks Daniel and afternoon everyone. WinViz is ever more convinced that this is going to be a draw, but then WinViz has been your grumpy uncle for some time now. In my book NZ are the favourites, simply because they’ve got rid of Joe Root. England need 225 more off 50 overs at a rate of exactly 4.5, so they’re in with a shout – and NZ are a bowler down with Kyle Jamieson injured. Don’t go anywhere!
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21st over: England 74-3 (Lees 36, Bairstow 12) Target 299 Bairstow whacks two to cover, then drives down the ground and Southee parries, breaking the stumps; Lees does well to be in his ground. I think, at some point in the next hour, England will need to make a call, because New Zealand’s two best bowlers are grazing and the run rate needs addressing; dare they throw hands?
“Spanish has two words for corners,” says Tom Morgan. “Rincón is one as seen from the inside, esquina as seen from outside. No word for punctuality though.”
On whch point, rincón or esquine, have England turned it? To find out, stick with Tim de Lisle, who’ll coax you through what promises to be a sensational afternoon and evening. Ta-ra!
21st over: England 72-3 (Lees 36, Bairstow 10) Target 299 Lees plays out a maiden from Henry, presumably aware that his spell is nearly over and easier pickings are – theoretically – en route.
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20th over: England 72-3 (Lees 36, Bairstow 10) Target 299 Boult has a rest with Southee returning, and I wonder whether England will have a go at him. Well, not yet – Lees takes a single to leg, then Bairstow misses the kind of wide one he routinely clatters in limited overs before partially redeeming the situation with a drive to cover that yields two.
“Can I propose a new definition for hiraeth?” asks Aeddan Shaw. “A longing for a Test no5 that isn’t YJB? On the untranslatable terms front, can I propose tingo, a Pascuenese term which means to borrow things from your neighbour one by one until they have nothing left?”
I’d love to know how that word came to be.
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19th over: England 69-3 (Lees 35, Bairstow 8) Target 299 Alex Lees is in the house! He goes deep in the crease then, as the ball arrives, drops the bat in a dead straight parabola, knucking it to the fence with what looks like the minimum of effort. That’s lovely behaviour, a single through third man follows, and we’re at that point where every over feels like a devastating momentum shift.
“Finnish has the word ‘sisu’,” emails Bob O’Hara,” which I roughly translate as ‘sheer bloody mindedness’. It’s what they showed against the USSR in the Winter War (see also: Ukraine’s fight against Russia, or on a cricketing theme Brian Close vs Windies). On the road between Helsinki and Tvärminne there are signposts to the Sisu arena. I was always too scared to go visit.”
As someone who grew up on the exploits of Jón Páll Sigmarsson, I feel I have some grasp on what this means.
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18th over: England 64-3 (Lees 30, Bairstow 8) Target 299 After the pre-lunch fireworks, Lees hasn’t scored in the 45 minutes since, but it’s Bairstow on strike for Boult’s ninth over, and after looking at three balls he caresses the fourth under extra’s dive and to the fence. Thing is, this isn’t the situation for a breezy 40 – someone will need to make something sub sub sub sub substantial – but maybe he can cash in when the bowlers change.
17th over: England 60-3 (Lees 30, Bairstow 4) Target 299 Bairstow forces to cover for two, then edges into the pads – eesh, that was not at all far from the stumps, and also reversed. This is such an opportunity for Bairstow who will, no doubt, be nurturing some kind of resentment or other, and I’d love it to be him, if it’s anyone, who sees England home. There’s something so lovable about him that tells me he’s the absolute best mate anyone could have.
“Technically from an early version of the English language rather than a foreign language,” writes David Hopkins, “but Anglo Saxon poetry has a lovely word - uhtceare - which has no equivalent in the modern day but translates roughly as ‘the sorrow felt in the hour before the dawn’. It features in the poem The Wife’s Lament but was clearly intended to prefigure the emotions of listening to TMS during an overseas Ashes series.”
I love that – I think it’s the case that it’s in that hour most people die, but I might’ve heard it on He-Man or similar.
16th over: England 57-3 (Lees 30, Bairstow 1) Target 299 It’s hard not to see that as the crucial blow, and what a day Boult is having. I know he’s a special bowler, but the ability to compete so hard with such pleasure strikes me as his special power. Bairstow gets away with an inside-edge to fine leg, and this match has a very different feel to it now – but at some point, Bolt and Henry will go off, and maybe that is England’s chance, if they can survive that long.
“Afternoon Daniel,” begins Nicholas Etherton. “If you want wistful nostalgic longing, all wrapped up in seven and a half sumptuous minutes, then listen no further than Tom Jobim’s masterful Saudade do Brasil.”
WICKET! Root c & b Boult 3 (England 56-3)
S-I-L-E-N-C-E! Root looks to turn a three-quarter seamer around the corner, imparts a leading edge instead as the ball moves away, and Boult dives forward to pouch! Trent Boult is a champion!
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15th over: England 56-2 (Lees 30, Root 3) Target 299 Root defends his first ball then decides he’s seen enough, twizzling to deep midwicket for three. He is in perfect equilibrium.
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WICKET! Pope c Blundell b Henry 18 (England 53-2)
Henry finds a jaffa! He’s been into this innings from before lunch, and a smidge of away movement is enough to leave Pope squared, brushing his outside edge on the way through to the keeper. We all sit just a little further away from the backs of our seats, just a little more hunched.
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15th over: England 53-1 (Lees 30, Pope 18) Target 299 Pope sees away three dots, the first only just – he just about gets edge on ball to prevent the lbw...
“Best example of saudade,” tweets Peter Warne, “is Baden Powell (his real name, his father was an admirer), Manhã do Carnaval by Luiz Bonfá, excuse the fag.”
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14th over: England 53-1 (Lees 30, Pope 18) Target 299 Now it’s Pope commandeering the chase, and when Boult offers him width, he waits, opens the face, and back-cuts an expert’s shot to third man for four. Then, when he knocks to cover, he sets off but Lees doesn’t respond; Pope well and truly looks at him, irritation I don’t think he’d have expressed had he not scored so well in the first innings – he’s been given a spot, he’s embraced his chance, and now he feels like he belongs. A single follows, and with these two are both set, I’m announcing it to remove the reverse-bok from the equation/
13th over: England 48-1 (Lees 30, Pope 13) Target 299 Lees hasn’t scored since lunch, and he plays out what could become an invaluable a maiden from Henry.
“There is a word in Turkish, ‘canim’,” says Phil Keegan, |which is not untranslatable but rather has a multitude of possible translations depending on who you say it to. It is a term of endearment along the lines of ‘darling’ but it can be said to anyone you like or love. So it can be translated, depending on context, as darling, love, mate, dear, sweetie, old friend, sweetheart, dear old thing, buddy, honeybunch - you get the picture. It can be said to a husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/any friend/any family member/a colleague you like and pretty much all children and pets. It is a remarkably flexible word.”
It sounds to me like the exact thing you call someone who gets road rage with you.
12th over: England 48-1 (Lees 30, Pope 13) Target 299 There’s a bit of seam hanging off the ball so the umpire gets the scissors out as Neil Wagner - on for Jamieson and, I daresay, a lock for Headingley – supervises. Pope then forces two away through point and chastises Lees for not taking a third on a slight fumble. No matter, an uppercut cut, if such a thing is etymologically possible, ends the over and England are into the session.
11th over: England 42-1 (Lees 30, Pope 7) Target 299 I don’t think it’ll be long before we see some spin, but for now it’s Henry racing in for an over which yields just a leg bye.
“‘Saudades’ isn’t just a word,” writes John Starbuck, “it’s a whole musical genre, mainly in Portuguese . There’s not many (apart from ‘emo’ itself) emotions you can say that about.”
Can we have some examples, please? But in the meantime, a Brazilian favourite of mine for your delectation.
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10th over: England 41-1 (Lees 30, Pope 7) Target 299 In comes Boult, he swings it away from Pope, there’s the edge ... and Latham grasses it! It was really similar to the Root drop second ball this morning, low and not a dolly but one the man is absolutely there to take, and he couldn’t hang on leaning forward. Outside him, Southee began to go, but he didn’t get in the eye-line and that’s the 11th dropped catch of the match – the last time Pope was the beneficiary, it cost New Zealand in excess of a hundred runs. Anyhow, to rub it in, they run one, then Boult flings four byes down the leg side – Ben Foakes said that keeping here has been a mare, and Blundell hasn’t enjoyed it at all.
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The stairs up Radcliffe Rd after a smoke are harder than anything we climbed up on holiday. @DanielHarris pic.twitter.com/qfDJs0UpwL
— Tom (@tomajbritten) June 14, 2022
One of my mates once whitied at the top of the other Old Trafford’s Stretford End, absolutely nobbled by the climb.
We go again!
“‘I always try to remind myself that the person making the call knows more about cricket than I do,’” says Peter Briffa, quoting me back to myself. “That takes the fun out of virtually everything, I find.”
Ha, yes there is that. I said it advisedly because, as a sportswriter, part of my job is to criticise and there can be things I see that a pro doesn’t. But before I do it, I try to remind myself they know more than I do ... before, inevitably, going about my sounding off as though that never happened.
“Got to love Trent, eh?” emails Nick Lewis. “Behind that choirboy facade lurks a proper gnarly get. Test animal. Gggrrrrrrhhhhh. In yer face. Top.”
Agreed in all aspects – I love how much he loves how bloody hard it is.
“I know the answer should be on Cricinfo,” says David Sweet, “but I can’t find it. So what are the highest first innings scores – in Tests – that have been followed by defeats? Assuming this game gets a result, I would have thought it might make the honours board on that stat – whichever side wins!”
Not quite – it’s Bangladesh’s 595 at Wellington in 2017. The full his parade is here.
Lunchtime correspondence: “In terms of untranslatable words,” tweets K Betteley, “the Brazilians have one in ‘saudades’ which means the longing for or ‘missing’ somebody (but not quite). The sort of emotion that you feel for Cook, Trott or even Boycott as English top order wickets tumble…”
I mentioned this yesterday, and I’m going to go again: Andrew Strauss, in conversation with Giles Coren, for Chai Cancer Care and the Ruth Strauss Foundation. Chai is a charity very close to my heart and Strauss is an Ashes-winning England captain very close to my heart, who speaks about grief and loss more beautifully than anyone else I can think of. So I’ll be there, and if you can come or donate, please do – just click here.
9th over: England 36-1 (Lees 30, Pope 6) Target 299 New Zealand will know how fragile England are, but won’t be loving how this innings has started. We see a CricViz stat which tells us the draw is still favourite, and I can see why the data predicts that. But looking at these two specific teams on this specific ground on this specific day, I think we’ll get a positive outcome. Anyhow, Pope slices one to midwicket, and three balls later it is LUNCH. That was yet another delightful session of “Test-match cricket” and the next 40 minutes will somehow, simultaneously, go very quickly and very slowly. I’ll be back shortly to do some emails, but in the meantime enjoy your scran.
8th over: England 35-1 (Lees 30, Pope 5) Target 299 Lees squirts off the inside half into the on side and they run one, then Pope works one more to fine leg ... and we’re going to get another before lunch. We’d’ve took it.
Test batting average since the start of 2020:
— Nic Savage (@nic_savage1) June 14, 2022
Trent Boult - 34.75
Virat Kohli - 28.03#ENGvNZ
7th over: England 33-1 (Lees 29, Pope 4) Target 299 Ollie Pope, you spoilsport. Lees’ bid to get them all himself is over, Pope coming right down the track to discover a short ball ... so he performs a one-leg pull to send Henry to the fence for four! That is a shot. The next delivery raps him on the pad and there’s an appeal, but it was plenty high and I reckon we’ve got more over in the session.
“We need to inject some class into the proceedings,” says Adrian Goldman, “so may I suggest ‘Melancholy play’ by Sarah Ruhl, which is full of words you don’t find in English such as a word for unhappiness in the Spring in Japanese - which my Japanese friend explained may be: gogatsu byou 五月病, spring depression – a word for depression originating from social activities in Spring. But widely used, such as following English cricket on the OBO. Or the word for depression in Russian (toska), which my Russian friend tried to explain to me thus - roughly, ‘melanholy-cum-yearning’.”
6th over: England 29-1 (Lees 29, Pope 0) Target 299 Boult goes outside off, so Lees knocks him to the fence again! So the next ball is on a tighter line and he edges away, then plays out three more dots, calm as you like. This is extremely un-England so far, making the inevitable collapse all the more glorious.
5th over: England 25-1 (Lees 25, Pope 0) Target 299 Latham puts Southee out of his misery, replacing him with Henry, and Lees – who has a look of Alastair Cook under the lid chewing his chuddy – defends positively, then takes a quick single to cover point. Pope then cracks off the pads, but straight to mid on, meaning it’s still all along down along out along Lees.
4th over: England 24-1 (Lees 24, Pope 0) Target 299 Goodness me, Alex Lees is on one! He flicks two to backward square, then presents the full face, dynadriving – ask your dad – four to long off! Actually, looking again, he’s barely touched that – it’s just timed to the fence. A single follows, turned past mid on, and I think we can already see that the runs won’t be a problem, which is to say a draw looks the least likely outcome now. England will either make the runs, or be bowled out.
3rd over: England 17-1 (Lees 17, Pope 0) Target 299 Lees is getting them on his own! Southee offers width and bounce, so Lees slashes hard past gully and to the fence for four more! He looks a totally different batter to the one that scratched and scraped through the winter, but after turning a single to midwicket, he’ll be on strike when Boult whips in after change of ends. This has been another absolute muscle-clencher of a session, and I can’t believe we’ve only got another 20 minutes of it to go.
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2nd over: England 12-1 (Lees 12, Pope 0) Target 299 Boult did Crawley in the first innings with one directed across him – Crawley looks a little leaden-footed when invited to move, and until he sorts that will continue to be susceptible to quality bowlersa taking the ball away from him.
WICKET! Crawley c Southee b Boult 0 (England 12-1)
AND THERE IT IS! This is a really good ball, pinning Crawley, who can’t help but dangle the bat at one he could’ve left, guiding an edge directly at second slip.
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2nd over: England 12-0 (Lees 12, Crawley 0) Target 299 A great start for England, yes, but it’s going to be Boult who decides this match – if he has a day out, New Zealand probably win, if he doesn’t the probably lose.
“Noshers,” says Zvi Dzialowski. “Still two of them going strong in Manchester.” Anothger favourite of mine from round thar way us the old age home called Gan Eden, Garden of Eden, which is where well behaved Jews are meant to go when they die.
1st over: England 12-0 (Lees 12, Crawley 0) Target 299 Have a look! Southee finds swing first up ... directly into the middle of Lees’ bat, and he drives a glorious four through cover! Then, there’s no swing, so this time Lees waits and one-hands another glorious drive to the fence, this time at point! So Southee goes around, Lees defends ... then edges hard between second and third slip! What a start for England! Three fours off the first four balls of the innings, and Lees in the same touch he showed first dig. This is very different from what we saw in the Caribbean.
Tim Southee, who had a difficult first innings, has the ball, and Alex Lees, who batted well before giving it away, takes strike. Brace, brace!
We go again! England have a minimum of 72 overs to score their 299, so they need 4.15 an over, with plenty of firepower to step it up if they fall behind the rate.
“What’s the right word for a captain that doesn’t throw the new ball to James Anderson the second it’s available?” wonders Brian Withington. “Schmuck doesn’t seem adequate somehow.”
I’m more of the “schmock” school, but yes, it’s a difficult one to grasp. In such situations, I always try to remind myself that the person making the call knows more about cricket than I do – the fear, perhaps, was the bat swinging and the new ball flying – but England’s dreadfulness against opposition tails has cost me countless years of life.
So Daryl Mitchell finishes on 62 not out, another fine effort from him, with the 17 added by Boult doing plenty to take New Zealand away from England. 299 is a massive total to chase, but the pitch is still playing pretty well, Kyle Jamieson is injured, and England have batsmen in nick, who can do it under pressure and do it quickly. It’s the way I tell em.
@DanielHarris I so completely thought it was charming embellishment but.... pic.twitter.com/XZgGzb5pTe
— Robert McL Wilson (@Parisbob2001) June 14, 2022
That wasn’t the one I was on about, but yes, it existed.
WICKET! Boult c Stokes b Anderson 17 (New Zealand 284 all out) England will need 299 to win!
I’m not sure why Anderson wasn’t tossed the new globule the second it was available and it’s taken him four deliveries to sort this, Boult slapping hard but straight to Stokes at mid off. We’ve got ourselves an arse-nipper!
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84th over: New Zealand 282-9 (Mitchell 61, Boult 16) Yup, Broad has the new meteor, and I daresay we’ll see him go a bit fuller. Maybe a short one or two to start, but at the stumps soon enough. Here we go ... but the field is spread, just one slip, so I’m not certain what the wicket-taking plan is here. I know it’s difficult, because England can’t afford the runs to flow, but I’d expect at least another couple of men close to the bat. Anyhow, Mitchell takes two to mid on, then with one delivery left and the field in, Mitchell smokes a six straight down the ground! That’s a gorgeous blow, and the lead is now 296. New Zealand are, I think, favourites ... but here’s Jimmy!
“‘A good Welsh word which is often described as untranslatable is ‘hireath’,” says Steve Smith quoting Rob Hill. “It’s HIRAETH. But don’t take my word for it – I’m sure Prince Charles would supply the correct version.”
I know that’s a joke, but actually it’s a feeling he spent the majority of his first marriage experiencing, if the Crown is anything to go by.
83rd over: New Zealand 274-9 (Mitchell 53, Boult 16) Still no new ball taken, but I wonder if this might be the final over with the last. First, Boult top-edges a pull for two, then he hammers four to long off, but played like he’s serving in a tennis match! Incredible scenes! He’s not just breaking Jimmy Anderson’s record, he’s devastating it, rinsing another four through the covers that means England, if they’re to win, will have to complete the highest run-chase ever recorded at Trent Bridge. And then some! Boult misses a short one with a joyful cry of “Oh yeah!”, then wallops a third four through mid on! Fourteen runs off the over, a lead of 288, and this is brilliantly intense, compelling beautiful theatre. Drinks, and then more. Come on!
82nd over: New Zealand 260-9 (Mitchell 53, Boult 2) Oooh yeah! Mitchell waits for Broad, his bat back almost before the ball is delivered, and he absolutely creams four over midwicket, then unloads the suitcase at the next delivery and under-edges four more to fine leg! That’s Daryl Mitchell’s fifty – what a series he’s had and is having. But he can’t get it away when he goes again off the over’s final delivery, so England can now go at the goat.
“There is one Yiddish word that every Brit knows and uses on an almost daily basis and yet no one knows it’s Yiddish,” says Robert Wilson.” Not any of the usual suspects, not schmuck, schlemiel, not shmutter nor putz nor boychik. Nosh. ‘Nosh’ is Yiddish. When you find out, it’s hard to believe you didn’t work it out. Of course, it’s Yiddish. What the hell else would it be?”
In my childhood there was a Kosher delicatessen called Noshers, something I’ve found more amusing as I’ve got older. And, tangentially, in my lawyering days, someone used the word chutzpa, but with a soft not guttural ch, then explained to me what it meant. I thanked him for his benevolence.
81st over: New Zealand 252-9 (Mitchell 45, Boult 2) Stokes is absolutely flying in here, of course he is, and keeping it short. Mitchell takes one off his fourth ball, giving Boult two to see off with one run required to usurp Anderson as the greatest no11 of all-time ... and he forces to long on, running two! What a champion!
80th over: New Zealand 249-9 (Mitchell 44, Boult 0) I’m going to feel stupid when England collapse, but the lead, 263 as Broad charges in at Boult, is close to perfect for our purposes – sensible batting would get England there, but who can be sensible when the pressure is stratospheric? Another short one from Broad, Boult misses with a flap then tries to call no ball, either because there are too many men behind square or there’ve been too many bouncers in the over. Good luck with that, old mate. Another bumper follows, so Boult ducks underneath with a cry of “Wally!” which I think is enthusiasm at the intensity of things. The joy this New Zealand side take, both in the game and in competing, is contagious. Wally!
WICKET! Jamieson c Foakes b Broad 1 (new Zealand 249-9)
Stuart Broad! Another bouncer, Jamieson can’t help but throw hands, and when he can impart only a slice of finger, Foakes vaults right to hang onto a very smart catch. He’s had a match to match his eyes.
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79th over: New Zealand 248-8 (Mitchell 43, Jamieson 1) Again, Stokes begins with a slower one, Mitchell taking a single to off, then Jamieson gets away by forcing a bouncer to square leg. Another single follows, taking the lead to 262, and New Zealand will be feeling pretty good about life, I reckon.
“There is a fine English word I have often used for that deep feeling you get about cricket,” emails Peter Metcalfe. “Numinous, derived from Latin for ‘divine presence’ to mean experiences which are spiritual, mysterious or awe-inspiring. Harold Pinter wrote about cricket in similar spiritual terms, without actually using the term.”
Agreed, numinous is a great word – in one of my favourite philosophy books, the Lonely Man of Faith, Rabbi Yosef Dov Solveitchik juxtaposes man’s inherent remoteness with God’s “transcendental loneliness and numinous solitude,” which I found incredibly moving the first time I read it aged 19 and still do now. I’m pretty sure I’ve shamed myself and it by borrowing it to describe a goalkeeper abandoned by defenders.
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78th over: New Zealand 245-8 (Mitchell 41, Jamieson 0) I doubt it’ll be long before Broad’s noising up the crowd ... actually they don’t need it, cheering him in, and Jamieson fends him off uppishly but there’s no short leg to snaffle the snaffle. Wicket maiden, and is Broad on the cusp of one of his spells? It’s been a while, but he’s still got it in him, I’m sure of it.
WICKET! Henry c Foakes b Stokes 18 (New Zealand 245-8)
The man on the hook moved, Henry plays the hook, but his eyes are bigger than his sweet spot and he edges behind! That’s excellent captaincy from Stokes, who was behind the field-change, but Henry, who batted well, will be furious he fell into that one.
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78th over: New Zealand 245-7 (Mitchell 41, Henry 18) Broad begins back of length, probably because the old ball demands it but maybe because he plans to surprise Henry with a full one. There’s a man out on the hook who Broad moves into a catching position because is Henry really taking him on ... er YES HE IS!
“A good Welsh word which is often described as untranslatable is ‘hireath’,” says Rob Hill. “It sort of means a bittersweet longing for something, someone or somewhere to which you cannot return (or which never was). Sort of how you will look back at your current sense of excitement at 5pm when England are all out for 65.”
That’s a lovely word – I wonder what persuaded its neologist to invent it. I bet it’s a story.
77th over: New Zealand 245-7 (Mitchell 41, Henry 18) Mitchell shoves one to cover, so Stokes tries another bouncer and again, Henry weaves away from it, Robin Smith-style. He inside-edges the next one, but onto his pad, then Stokes goes around and extracts bounce; this time, the change of angle persuades Henry to raise hands, not lower them, and he shoulders the ball over gully! They run one, and the lead is now 259; it’s time for SJ Broad.
“Talking of Dutch words,” emails Jaap van Netten, “gevaldig immediately makes me think of the Dutch word ‘geweldig’. I think the Yiddish explanation is a bit more jubilant, but it still comes pretty close. So we Dutchies must have taken gevaldig and used some of our Calvinistic spirit to tone it down but still end up with a pretty geweldig word. Looking forward to a geweldige day 5!”
76th over: New Zealand 243-7 (Mitchell 40, Henry 17) This has been a good start from New Zealand, this latest Leach over yielding two via sweep and one via dab, all to Mitchell.
75th over: New Zealand 240-7 (Mitchell 37, Henry 17) This time, Stokes begins with a slower one, which Mitchell bunts to cover for one. He won’t mind that because it brings Henry onto strike, but have a look! The ball pitches on the edge of an old pitch, rears up unexpectedly, and Henry cuts hard to the fence!
“Loving the words which need a full sentence to explain,’ says Philip Smith, “but we have a great word in English that means you’re full of excitement and anticipation, and is also a tribute to our new captain: ‘stoked’.”
There’s no spiritual aspect to “stoked”, though – I don’t think – but it does have pleasingly Neighbours connotations.
74th over: New Zealand 235-7 (Mitchell 36, Henry 13) Mitchell works Leach off the pads for one, the only run from the over and one which takes the lead up to 250. Presumably he’s got until the new ball to make something happen.
“I enjoyed your preamble and your explanation of the Yiddish terms for excitement and uplift,” says Colum Fordham. “I can’t think of the term for ‘gevaldig’ in Italian but in Naples, where I reside, there is an interesting term ‘cazzimma’ (pronounced ‘cazzimm’) which refers to the malicious streak you need to survive or get your own way in life. I think Jack Leach will need a bit more ‘cazzimma’ if he’s to make the step up from decent spinner to ‘game changer’. I hope he has it in him.”
I love the way Neapolitans drop the final vowel of words, something I admit I’ve learnt from watching Gomorrah. Guessing when it’s coming and predicting the use of “ugatz” are games I like to play, because I’m a right laugh.
73rd over: New Zealand 234-7 (Mitchell 35, Henry 13) Stokes tries a bumper and the line’s a testing one, a teeth-seeking missile forcing him to sway away and take cover on the ground. Two more follow, Henry again ending up on his back following the second, a gigantic grin plastered across his coupon – he’s enjoying this, and sees out a maiden in typically gritty style. On which point, isn’t it about time New Zealand were given late-summer, four or five-match serieseseses? They’re the best team in the world, and on top of that, they almost guarantee entertainment.
72nd over: New Zealand 234-7 (Mitchell 35, Henry 13) Mitchell sweeps Leach towards the fence at deep backward square, so Broad chases after it and hauls the ball back, saving two. A pair of singles follow, then Stokes brings the field up to try and ensure Henry’s on strike for him in the next over, and Leach pins Mitchell on the crease so ensure the dot.
“Spannend” in dutch is a lovely word for describing an excitement full of anticipation,” advises Philip Malcolm. “Proper spannend for today’s play, me.”
Excellent.
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71st over: New Zealand 229-7 (Mitchell 32, Henry 12) Stokes invites himself to bowl, like the gabbai, the synagogue warden, giving himself hagbah on the festival of Simchat Torah – there’s pressure, because he has to lift a heavy scroll inside-out, but also glory if he pulls it off. Anyway, he opens with a leg bye, then after two dots, Henry steps back and cleanses him through cover to the fence! That’s a terrific shot and a no ball follows, New Zealand’s lead now 244.
“Schoolchildren may be able to attend Trent Bridge today,” emails John Starbuck, “but note that lots will be doing exams just now. Cricket is of course a great relaxation from all that, so well justified if they can come. Also, there have been no wickets lost via lbw in this game and only one bowled out directly. So far.”
70th over: New Zealand 224-7 (Mitchell 32, Henry 8) Aaaarrggghhh! Leach’s second delivery is a quicker one, it grips, straightens ... and Henry edges! Root, at slip, was on his way back up so has to change direction and go right, back down to his ankle ... the ball carries, just ... and he can’t hang on! Maiden.
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Jack Leach has the ball. This is a colossal morning for him, and he knows it.
Righto, here we go!
“Talking of Thorpe,” says Tim de Lisle – who’ll be here later to caress you through the staggering denouement.
It was around this time, I think, that I began to realise England were quite good. It was hard to be sure, because in my lifetime, they never really had been so I wasn’t sure what it looked like. But they did indeed get there.
Branderson are out and getting loose. It’s nearly time.
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“Gevaldig was an interesting word,” tweets @RdgUltima. “Reminds me of the Japanese word Sugoi, which means this is good but in a manner of happy on the inside. The word gets overused in Japanese television ALL THE TIME. We ought to send the word gevaldig to Japan TV executives.”
That’s a great word – any equivalents in other languages? I especially like those which take a sentence to explain – in Hebrew, for example, if you do something davka you do it “just because, often to deliberately antagonise and for no reason”; a davkanik is someone who does davka things regularly.
“While everyone is right to marvel at Root’s post-captaincy step-up into the frankly ridiculous,’ says Robert Wilson, “and his spooky habit of getting into the mid-forties before you’ve even noticed that he’s there, it’s making me wistful about Graham Thorpe. While not having Root’s full batting vocabulary, Thorpe also tended to be in the twenties or mid-thirties by some magical sleight of hand. And all this in a much darker era of pain, fear and despond. They’re like those blokes whose fates were decided by being born ten or fifteen years apart last century. Thorpe ends up at the Somme and Ypres without playing a front foot shot in a decade and Root, for all his travails, laughs it up through the Roaring Twenties with F Scott Fitzgerald and Louise Brooks. They would have been incredible together. And I hope poor Thorpey, sadly ill, pulls through and gets better.”
Agreed. Paul Collingwood MBE was also one of those, more in the Thorpey mode but also able to manipulate the ball and somehow accumulate without apparently accumulating.
Asked about getting Blundell out yesterday, Broad explains that he’s been using a man out at deep square in county cricket when the ball goes soft or the pitch offers nowt to try and make something happen. But McCullum suggested bringing him into a catching position given if he’s on the fence, a yard either side and it’s four anyway, whereas further in, the best players will try and go over or past him which means they’re a miscue away from dismissal. Not bad.
Stuart Broad is excited, and is also eager to note that only Test cricket gives you this. “We were awesome yesterday, to create those chances,” he says. He knows England were handed some wickets, but reckons they came about because of the pressure his team created. He’s not seen many better tracks than this one, saying that teams have gone around four an over batting properly – Root’s ramp apart – never mind chasing a win on day five. On the bus last night, the players were saying it’s a dream day of cricket, getting to see both teams bat and bowl, and it’s such a joy to see such a gnarled competitor buzzing off the simple joy of spending the working day engaged in something as wonderful as this.
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Breaking news: Kyle Jamieson will bat at 10, which leaves Boult at 11 and means he needs one run to regain the most runs at number 11 mace from James Anderson.
Trent Boult looks extremely happy to be where he is, and why wouldn’t he. He enjoyed his slower-ball dismissal of Root yesterday, referencing it with no prompting – imagine being able to toss that into a chinwag – and notes how much he and the rest of the dressing room love the symbolism of both the Black Caps and Test cricket. You and us both, old mate. He praises “Baz” McCullum, or “Bez” as he pronounces it – what an image that is – for having a brilliant cricket brain, and can’t understand why the draw is favourite, especially given who’s in charge of the England team.
For those not in the UK, here’s the TMS link:
There’s bit a lot of controversy recently – and rightly so – about how much it costs to attend a Test match. So well done Nottinghamshire for making today’s entry free – it’s just a shame it’s not half-term, but I hope some parents are homeschooling today.
Just watching some highlights, I missed Mark Butcher calling Root “The unstoppable run machine”. Lovely stuff.
I enjoyed this.
Root caught up 😲 pic.twitter.com/68WzkTrMyE
— ESPNcricinfo (@ESPNcricinfo) June 13, 2022
It’s mad to think really, it wasn’t just that the others were in better nick than Root, it looked like they’d left behind, for good. Remember when he couldn’t convert fifties into hundreds? And now look!
Preamble
Waking up in the middle of the night and feeling that feeling without knowing why; the brain catching up with the body, both suddenly ablaze with possibilities, unable to rest; the spring in the step. You just cannot beat this thing of ours.
There’s a Yiddish word, gevaldig, which – unusually for Yiddish – doesn’t refer to pain, emotional incontinence or, er, body-parts. Rather, it means tremendous, amazing and stupendous all mixed – with, I like to think, an element of spiritual uplift. Test cricket is gevaldig.
And there’s another Yiddish word, mechayeh, which means a rare pleasure – with, I like to think, an affirming aspect for which it’s worth being alive. Arriving at day five of a Test match with all four results possible and no serious inkling as to which of them will eventuate is a mechayeh.
By my admittedly shonky calculations, this makes what we’re about to enjoy a gevaldig mechayeh. Given such things don’t come around all that often, it is incumbent upon us to savour this one.
The likeliest outcome remains the draw because ultimately, neither side has quite enough firepower to force themselves home on a pitch doing not quite enough. Yesterday morning, we noted that were it not for the quantity of dropped catches, first-innings scores would’ve been much lower, but by yesterday evening those had been more or less evened out by how assiduously unnecessarily New Zealand tossed away wickets. Nevertheless, sensible batting this morning should take them to safety.
And yet, and yet, and yet. England are perfectly capable of thrashing their way to almost any target they might be set, just as they are of collapsing under the weight of runs they need now, never mind in an hour or two – and that’s before we factor in brilliance of Trent Boult. I can’t wait and neither can you.
Play: 11am BST
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