Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is often regarded as the definition of insanity. A monochrome, one-paced England team, who have now lost four of their past five games, are certainly not learning swiftly from their mistakes and the odds on Steve Borthwick’s side underperforming at the upcoming Rugby World Cup continue to shorten.
If they keep playing in the same plodding fashion they did at the Aviva Stadium, there is also no guarantee people will continue to want to watch them. England have had their barren periods in the professional era but rarely have they tested their supporters’ faith so relentlessly. Limited, formulaic, depressing – and that is just the post-match press conferences. Out on the pitch even their smartest players are now doing a good impression of brainwashed zombies.
If you squinted hard enough into the hazy morning dawn at Dublin Airport, the 29-10 scoreline did not obviously look like the end of the world. Ireland are the world’s No 1-ranked nation and they were fielding a decent side. England also had to compete for much of the second half with 14 men. Again. But, in truth, it was a mirage. Ireland were never at full throttle and England were mostly as flat and stilted as in their two recent fixtures with Wales.
Whether it is a case of previously good players edging past their best or the global game having bypassed them, England appear to be getting worse rather than better. Oscar Wilde would surely have had something pithy to say about the supposed misfortune of losing Billy Vunipola for a high shoulder to a ball carrier’s head, just a week after Owen Farrell’s upgraded red card for a similar offence against Wales.
It leaves England sweating on another supposedly key strut in their grand design for the World Cup next month. Vunipola will probably receive a three‑week ban, potentially commuted to two weeks if he attends the now‑infamous “tackle school” (new official motto: “Tackle Low, Sweet Chariot”) and works on his technique. But let’s be honest. Whether or not Vunipola misses the start of the tournament, it will not entirely change the bigger picture.
Because whatever England’s vision is meant to be, it is transparently not working. Borthwick’s grand design, brutalist or not, was meant to make England impossible to knock over in the World Cup knockout stages. Instead Argentina must now be clear-ish favourites to win the opening Pool D fixture between the sides in Marseille on 9 September and even unfancied Samoa may be licking their lips.
It really is a sign of the times when Ireland, even without Johnny Sexton, can register five tries without looking as irresistibly slick as usual. From early on a narrow-focused English defence left ominous amounts of space out wide and the visitors’ attack was also painfully pedestrian. Kicking endlessly to Mack Hansen, one‑man trundles into contact, all the incision of a plastic spoon … the last time an English back scored a Test try was five games and nine months ago.
Rectifying the situation will require all of the following: greater forward dynamism, quicker ball and, perhaps most fundamentally, a fresh mindset. As Danny Cipriani correctly noted on social media, English rugby is paying a price for placing too high a premium on structure at the expense of feel. Andy Farrell’s Ireland can go through, over or around you, depending on the situation. England, in contrast, are performing with all the carefree spontaneity of a public service announcement.
Which begs some uncomfortable questions about selection, culture, tactics and management. Would England be instantly revived, for example, if Farrell were to swap tracksuits? Actually, we already know the partial answer: Farrell and Mike Catt were part of Stuart Lancaster’s coaching team when the hosts went out in the 2015 World Cup pool stages. Given Borthwick was also at the heart of Japan’s epic win over South Africa that year, the current malaise runs deeper than that.
A penny, even so, for the thoughts of Eddie Jones. Nine months ago, under their erstwhile head coach, England were drawing 25-25 at home against New Zealand, albeit courtesy of a late points flurry. Since then the national team have slipped steadily backwards and it is not impossible that Fiji could make things even less comfortable at Twickenham this Saturday.
So, assuming Vunipola is banned, where next for England in the back row? They had the chance to pick one or more of Zach Mercer, Sam Simmonds, Tom Willis or Alex Dombrandt as specialist No 8 cover, only to reject all of them. Now one of Ben Earl, Tom Curry or Lewis Ludlam must temporarily fill the breach. And if Owen Farrell does finally end up being unavailable, the disruption to England’s “spine” will be further magnified.
Even more serious, arguably, is the fraying connection with their public. Supporters can live with a loss or two if there remains a chance of being lifted joyously from their seats the following week. Increasingly, though, England are about as fun to watch as Mrs Brown’s Boys stuck on 24‑hour repeat. If their World Cup is to be remotely fulfilling, it would be insane not to consider an 11th-hour tactical reboot.
