Soap actor Ash Palmisciano, known to millions for playing Emmerdale’s first transgender character, has spoken about the searing grief of losing his mum.
This week sees his on-screen character Matty Barton plunged into family turmoil when he discovers he has been betrayed by his mum Moira and girlfriend Amy, who lied to him that Cain shot dead former Woolpack co-owner Al Chapman when it was actually Kyle.
Thankfully such family drama is a far cry from Ash’s real life – he feels incredibly lucky that his dad Adrian and mum Michelle showered him and his younger sister Sophie with love.
And that makes the loss of his mum in May to complications from long-term rheumatoid arthritis at the age of 60 even more devastating.
Ash, 32, says: “Mum was a true inspiration to us all. Not only was she an amazing mum to my sister Sophie and I, she was also such a fantastic wife and nanna too.
“Poor Matty has had a rough time in Emmerdale, but there has always been so much love in my family home and Mum was the most important person in my life. Grief is such a beast that is uncontrollable and you are not prepped for it. We don’t talk about loss and it’s something we will all face in our lives. It’s been a terrible year and I am finding it hard.”
There is only one answer to the ‘Who would you have as your ultimate dinner party guest’ question for Ash – Michelle, known affectionately as Micki.
He adds: “I would always give everyone up to have Mum there.”
As their first Christmas without her approaches, Ash knows his family will pull together to recreate Michelle’s “fantastic energy” and make it fun for his niece and nephew.
He says: “Mum was so strong and so brave. She was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis at the age of 29 but she suffered from it secretly because she wanted to fill our lives with positivity.
“She was very glamorous, worked, did the school run and was always checking in with me and my sister to make sure we were okay.
“She was a miracle because she had so many health scares in her life from the effects of it – and despite her health battles she was brave and dignified until the end.”
The actor knows the festive period will be tough. He adds: “I am sure we will all have our moments. But we want to recreate her amazing spirit and energy for her two grandkids, as she was such a fantastic nanna.
“We want to make it fun for them – and if she is watching we are hoping she will be impressed.”
Michelle, Adrian and Sophie were supportive when Ash, who was assigned female at birth, decided he wanted to transition in 2012.
The star says: “When I decided to face the truth of who I was and talk about it, I found I was more comfortable as Ash. Mum did what she always did best – she made a cup of tea, was very supportive and backed me all the way.”
He recalls a hospital check-up when a nurse said something wrong and Michelle stepped in.
“Mum said, ‘Excuse me, he is my son, and he is transgendering’. It is transitioning, and she got the words mixed up, but Mum wanted to get it right for me.
“She would pick out documentaries on TV for me to watch and share stories to read to help. She was so positive and one of her big messages was from a favourite quote of hers by Regina Brett, ‘No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up’.”
Seeing his mother not letting her rheumatoid arthritis take over became a powerful life lesson.
Ash says: “She wanted to make everyone happy. She was my inspiration to get me where I am now.”
Another strong woman in Ash’s life is his girlfriend Shea, who he has been dating for just over a year.
“I knew she was a good egg when we met, but Shea has been so incredibly supportive over the past few months,” he says. “She spent last Christmas with us and I’m glad Mum got to meet her a few times before she died.
“We’ve been through a lot in a short space of time, but I believe lockdown taught us all that you know straight away if something’s meant to be.”
Ash’s parents encouraged him when he said he wanted to be an actor. He landed his big-break role of Matty after being invited by a charity to act as a trans storyline consultant for Emmerdale. The casting director was impressed by his passion and knowledge and, despite having only had a few minor acting roles before then, he was asked to attend an audition and won the part – a “dream come true”.
Now Ash loves being Matty, formerly known as Hannah, who was played by Grace Cassidy between 2009 and 2012, but who had transitioned before arriving back in the village in June 2018.
From Wednesday, Matty will be at the heart of a big storyline with massive repercussions when he finds out his mum and girlfriend lied to him about the identity of Al’s killer. Michelle was over the moon when Ash landed the role.
He says: “She was so proud, as are all my family and I absolutely love playing him. It’s been great to be part of the recent Emmerdale 50th birthday celebrations and Matty has managed to dodge a few bullets! But poor Matty is in for a rough ride when he realises he has been betrayed by his mum and girlfriend.
“They have both left the village with Kyle, who all the viewers know killed Al.
“Matty knows something isn’t right so, in true Dingle style, he confronts Cain in prison. Cain tries to cover it all up but Matty knows he isn’t telling the truth and, after tricking his uncle, he eventually finds out. It leaves him devastated because he knows everyone has lied to him.”
Ash is proud that his character has helped people understand what being trans is really like. He says: “There was nobody on screen who was transgender when I was growing up. Now I get to play a character I so needed to see when I was younger. I would like to think public perceptions have changed.
“Big burly blokes regularly come up to me and say, ‘I wasn’t sure about you when you started but you are a fantastic actor’. For me, that is powerful. It’s opening conversations.”
Ash was particularly touched when a young lad approached him at a stand-up show before the pandemic.
He says: “He told me he had transitioned and called himself Matty. He had had a rough time but when I arrived, everyone in his class went, ‘You’re like that lad in Emmerdale’.
“I am pleased my character is making being trans accessible.” Ash loves working on Emmerdale and would like to stay on the soap for as long as possible. But he jokes: “If Hollywood came knocking on the door and told me, ‘We’ve got a huge role for you, it’s going to be ten billion pounds and you get to live with Leonardo DiCaprio’ then I would probably say yes!”
Away from work, Ash sees his sister and dad a lot and reveals losing his mum has made him realise he wants a family of his own one day. He adds: “I would like to think I would make a good parent as I had a fantastic mum and dad.”
Looking forward to closing the door on 2022, he is determined to live according to his mum’s example.
He says: “We had so many special moments together, so many great chats and such a laugh. Mum lived her life through positivity, strength and hope and I want to be just like her.”
Emmerdale is on ITV1 every weekday at 7.30pm
