An Edinburgh man, who was abandoned and handed in to a hospital in Morocco just three months after he was born, is hoping to take a trip back to his country of birth in search of answers.
Ryan Anderson, from Leith, was born with no name until his adoptive parents chose Rachid, to which he eventually changed to Ryan at the age of 19. The people who he now calls his parents, brought him up in the UK, but Ryan was unaware of the secrets of his past until he turned 18.
When he turned 18, Ryan, or 'Peshy' as his mates know him, was informed that not only was he adopted and the people he had been living with his whole life weren't his real parents, but also that information regarding his precise date of birth, his real name and the whereabouts of his birth mother and father were also a mystery.
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Dealing with various periods of grief and distress, Ryan, now 32, is looking to get some answers regarding how he was brought into the world and why he was left to be found and taken to a Moroccan hospital just months after birth. With everything happening in life at once, Ryan is planning on making the impulse decision to visit Morocco this month.
Before he can make the incredibly brave journey to Morocco, Ryan sought out help from Long Lost Families, who try and connect people with their past, in order to gain some help in managing the language barrier, and to see if anyone out there reading his story knows anything about him, or even thinks he looks familiar to someone they know.
Speaking to Edinburgh Live about his life to date and his plans to potentially revisit Morocco in a quest to find some answers and hopefully some closure, Ryan said: "I don't know if I was born in the hospital, born in the streets, or just handed in to the hospital. All the records from back then may not exist now, so that's what I'm going to try and find out.
"This happened a lot in Morocco, I was told that back in those days, there were 25 babies a day being adopted, it was common due to the culture. With my adoption, it is broken down, so I'm a transracial. My adopted mum is white and my adopted dad is black. I'm also transnational, so from Morocco, to the UK, I'm an LDA, so I didn't know about my adoption until I turned 18. I'm also a foundling, which is basically an orphan.
"When I turned 18, I kept my adoption a secret for 12 years. When you're young, you're not mature enough to deal with something like that. Some people are, but I wasn't. I had the 'me against the world' attitude and I was more focussed on getting into pubs, going out with mates and making money."
Ryan had various spells in Edinburgh, as well as England, but ultimately felt more settled in the capital. He studied at Liberton High School and also spent a year at Telford College.
Ryan also took the time to sit down and relay his past with Long Lost Families in the form of a YouTube video and pages of information on his own website, simply titled: "My Story." Throughout this, he goes into detail about growing up, finding out his real past is a grey area, and what he is hoping to achieve by seeking closure.
Ryan continued: "Since learning the circumstances of my adoption, I have found myself feeling guilty that I was chosen rather than one of the others. I do hope the others found a loving home.
"There are still so many questions left unanswered, such as do I have any biological siblings? Where are my biological parents? Was I born in a hospital or another location? Who abandoned me and why? And are they still alive?
"My mother always referred to me as her special little boy! Little did I know what that actually meant! I genuinely believed they were my biological parents and was completely oblivious of my adopted status. Unlike now there was not much information or support on how to cope or manage the upbringing of an adopted child. I believe my parents did the best to their ability in raising me and making me a full member of the family."
Speaking on the hardship of learning his true identity, or lack of one, Ryan said the day he was told about being an orphan, sticks in his memory like glue.
He continued: "I will always remember that 4 January 2008 was a traumatic day, as it is the day, I was finally told the truth about my adoption. It was just before my 18th birthday. I was still living with my family in England. However, while I was in Scotland visiting friends, my brother hinted to me that I needed to have a serious chat with our mum. Alarm bells were ringing, I was curious and eager to get back to talk with her.
"She wrote me a letter, which I still have to this day, and it explained everything. When I read the letter, I burst into tears and I ran out of the house, but upon my return I just hid in my room refusing to speak to any of the family. A few days later I packed my bags and moved back to Scotland, staying with a friend and his family in their spare room, and where I kept the knowledge of my adoption bottled up inside me.
"I was torn apart after finding out this information. Not everyone in my family knew about my adoption, my cousins found out that week. A few months later I got my first flat, living alone for the next 13 years. My mother said that the delay in telling me about my adoption was because she loved me and did not want to hurt me. I know for a fact she was not lying and deeply cared about me."
At the age of 19, Ryan changed the name his adoptive parents gave him, Rachid Aboulfadl Mourini, to Ryan Anderson, helping him live what felt like a "double life" and keep his secret to himself.
Now, into his early 30s, Ryan is toying with the idea of trying to find out the truth once and for all.
He added: "Everyone tells me it's going to be bad news, they ask what I'm searching for and how I'm going to get over the language barrier, but I know I want answers and to try and put it to bed. I'm building the courage up to finally go. People think I'm going to have this happy ever after and run into each others arm, which I'd be delighted if that's the case, I could even be a prince over there."
In one of his final statements on his own website relaying his tear-jerking story, Ryan concludes with: "I am not sure what the chances of me meeting my birth family are and if it is even possible. I am not angry with any of my birth parents, and I forgive them for giving me away, if I met them, I would simply say thank you."
Currently focussing on his mental health and steadying himself for the journey back to his home country, Ryan also records podcasts to relieve stress and to hopefully help others who may find themselves in a similar situation.
To listen to or read Ryan's incredibly brave and insightful story, links to his website, YouTube video and podcasts can be found below, and if anyone recognises or thinks they can help Ryan, you can contact him directly, or Lost Families on +44 (0) 7737259732 and info@longlostfamilies.com.
