ECB’s statistical spin hides the fact that Joe Root was sunk as England captain

‘In many ways the only noteworthy thing about Joe Root’s captaincy was the fact he managed to do it for so long.’ Illustration: Lo Cole

There is a terrifying moment in The Rime of the Ancient Mariner where the crew of the mariner’s ship, lost at sea under a merciless sun, are visited by a mind-blowing vision: a ghost galleon containing only the figure of Death and a sad, pale woman.

Alone on their putrid deck, Death and the sad, pale woman – who to be fair, probably expected something more along the lines of cabaret and a buffet – play an arbitrary game of dice for the lives of the (already dying) crew.