Grief is very present at the moment. The passing of Queen Elizabeth II has thrown the nation into a collective grief. Millions have stood in very long queues to show their love, to pay their respects and more have stood in line to attend the ritual of her funeral.
In loss we do everything we can to find a way to bear the physical absence but to maintain an ongoing bond with the person gone. We pray. We light candles. We talk to them. We write letters. We sit vigil. We lean into the rituals of grief and we seek comfort in whatever way we can.
Words matter. Especially in grief. We need those words – those just right words – to help us find an anchor to process, to adapt, to make sense of how we carry on in a world changed so greatly. The death of a loved one shatters our usual way of life and we embark on a deeply difficult and personal journey into the loneliness of grief.
Knowing how to navigate the lifelong journey of grief is not easy. I am a practising psychologist and I have studied grief and loss for nearly two decades now. Grief work is hard. It takes time. There is no easy way round it. The only way to heal from loss is to trust in ourselves to go through it. And it hurts. It is exhausting. And it comes calling repeatedly and often.
People have faith in the five stages of grief but these are not so fixed or reliable. Of course, denial, anger, depression, sadness, acceptance are all recognisable phases of grief but they are by no means fixed, or linear and they can happen all at once, or again and again depending on the circumstances of one’s life, stress and context of the loss.
Understanding grief and what grief can do to our mental health if it is not processed well is really important to our wellbeing. So many people I see in my practice are frightened by the intensity of their grief and surprised at its expansiveness. In cases where the grief is compartmentalised too much, or suppressed it starts to build as tension in the body and it leaks as a physical health issue or as a mental health issue such as depression. It is so important to break the taboo of loss and create communal space that holds compassion and understanding for those in the grip of grief.
The masterclass I will be running on 5th October will do just that. We will discuss not only what grief is but also hold space to share in how best to support each other. So often people suffer because those around them have attempted to fix their grief, have shut them down, and have not listened.
During the masterclass we will explore what loss is, how it manifests physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. We will focus on understanding how grief works and what aids healing. We will look at signs of deteriorating mental health and how to practice good self care. No two people cope with grief in exactly the same way but together we can learn more about this complex and often unspoken emotion. I hope to see you there.
Dr Chloe Mitchell is an expert in mental health, specialising in grief and loss. Her online masterclass How to cope with grief and loss takes place on Wednesday 5 October 2022, 6.30pm-8.30pm BST
