So long, Ice Barbie, don’t let the door hit you on the way out! Kristi Noem has learned, like so many before her, that in Trumpland everyone is expendable except big Don himself.
Yesterday, in a development so out of the blue that Noem was giving a speech as the news broke, it was confirmed she’s being fired from her job Homeland Security Secretary, effective immediately.
Theoretically, this shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. Under Noem, ICE has murdered two innocent Americans, brutalized countless others, and trampled on the Constitution. On top of that, her affair with Corey Lewandowski may be the worst-kept secret in DC.
But, for Trump, the real crime is that her antics were making him personally look bad. The final twist of the knife was him giving her a made-up job at something called the Shield of Americas, which is the equivalent of Trump leading her out to a deserted gravel pit and doing what Noem did to a helpless puppy.
At this point, Noem is likely frantically searching for a silver lining. Maybe if she’s been fired, she can dodge the avalanche of legal disaster barrelling her way? Well, think again. Governor of Illinois JB Pritzker is enjoying some delicious schadenfreude, but warns Noem that she’s going to watch her back:
Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, Kristi Noem. pic.twitter.com/p6SPcRztFw
— Governor JB Pritzker (@GovPritzker) March 5, 2026
“Hey Kristi Noem, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Here’s your legacy: corruption and chaos. Parents and children teargassed. Moms and nurses, US citizens, getting shot in the face. Now that you’re gone, don’t think you get to just walk away. I guarantee you, you still will be held accountable.”
So, fingers crossed, we soon get to see Noem and her cronies behind bars where they belong.
We can only hope that yet more misery befalls her
As always, this should be a stark wake-up call for anyone working for Trump. You may be in a position of power now, gleefully lording your status over everyone around you and living life large on the taxpayer’s dime. But all that exists at the whim of Donald Trump, and he can snatch it from you just as easily as he granted it.
In the meantime, please take some comfort in knowing that Kristi Noem is weeping into her pillow right now. Presumably, Corey Lewandowski and her husband are there awkwardly trying to figure out which of them should comfort her first.
