David, 48, Burnley
Occupation Works for the NHS in teaching, training and research
Voting record Always Conservative and a Boris Johnson fan
Amuse bouche David has a border collie called Thatcher. “Named after the great lady herself”
Maple, 26, Leeds
Occupation Studying to be a midwife
Voting record Maple came to the UK from Hungary in 2015 and has settled status, so can only participate in local elections, in which they voted Labour
Amuse bouche Maple was a contestant on the Channel 4 show Naked Attraction
For starters
David Maple was fashionably late and dressed in a rather outlandish fashion – a dress and dangly, Pat Butcher earrings. I thought: here is somebody who wants to make a point. Nothing wrong with making a point.
Maple He seemed like a nice man, late-40s, middle class. We ordered some wine and food, and chatted about normal things for 10 minutes.
David I know what I am: I’m gay, but I’m not L, T, Q, I, A or any of the other things. A little bit of me resents being lumped in – that if you’re gay you’re also part of this subculture and you must all think the same. I think it’s important to be an individual.
Maple I am non-binary and queer. In Hungarian, we don’t even have a word for non-binary. I wouldn’t be able to be myself to the extent I am here. When you don’t feel welcome in your society, it can get you down massively. Since I came out as non-binary, my whole life has fallen into place.
The big beef
Maple I felt our main area of disagreement was about gender.
David I didn’t pick up on that from the evening, but fair enough if that’s how it came across.
Maple I said, “I’m non-binary, so I’m not a man or a female.” He didn’t seem to understand. I had to explain to him what it means to be a cis person. I’m like: if you call yourself a gay man, you should know the word because that’s what you are, a cis gay man.
David I haven’t got particularly firm opinions either way – it’s something I know little about. I would have liked to learn more from Maple. I asked a few questions but I didn’t get very far – there was a bit of a barrier that came up.
Maple If he thinks it’s just men and women, then he doesn’t accept my gender. If he wants to talk about nature, there are animals that can change their gender. Normal garden slugs, I think. One minute they can be male, the next female.
Sharing plate
David It’s a given that the Tories are going to lose the next election. We’ve reached the point where we were with the Major government in the early 90s – a party that is obviously going to crash and burn. It’s a case of go away, think again, come back with better ideas.
Maple In two years there will be an election and Labour will win – that is one thing we agreed on. For me, that is hope and there might be some changes in this country.
David Maple wasn’t as engaged politically as I would have liked. It was more: you think that and I think this, we’ll agree to differ, move on.
For afters
Maple My generation is more vocal. We don’t brush things under the carpet, we have to be activists to change the world. My niece is nine, she already knows the difference between bisexual and pansexual – for me that is heartwarming.
David It doesn’t bother me how anyone presents themselves to the world. If I do have a problem, it’s with this kind of campaigning extreme. Over the years there has been a gradual acceptance, and to be gay now isn’t an issue. I used to get abuse, but time has moved on. I do think there’s a sense of: “The gay battle has been won, now what do we need to kick against? What can we feel hard done by about?”
Maple He’s just comfortable and seems to accept things the way they are. Obviously he’s not visibly queer like I am. I don’t think he has to face the issues I do every day. It shows my generation and his are completely different.
Takeaways
David Maple was very good company, nice to chat to, if not as intellectually engaging as I would have liked. I would recommend the experience to anybody.
Maple It’s a shame when someone isn’t fighting for the same things, but we have to accept we are different. We walked to the station together, hugged and wished each other all the best.
Additional reporting: Kitty Drake
• David and Maple ate at Aya Sophia in Hebden Bridge.
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