A mum has spoken of her heartbreak after losing her son to a drug overdose and how she has dedicated her life to preventing others from enduring the same.
Sadie O'Reilly, from Derry, lost her son Tony O'Reilly in 1999 when he was only 22-years-old.
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The Derry mother's worst nightmare was realised on October 15 1999 when she found her son Tony lifeless, having suffered a heroin overdose.
Speaking about that heartbreaking night, Sadie said the loss of a child was the "worst trauma any parent will experience".
"My husband Dessie, and myself found him, he was in the foetal postion, I knelt down beside him calling his name but he was gone, it was the coldest night of the year for us in more ways than one.
"I screamed, begged and pleaded with the paramedics to fix him.
"Even now I don’t think I can describe that endless night of October 15, the return home, the hours that passed, the collective silence of relatives as they gathered in our sitting room.
"When you lose a child, you’re not just losing a person you loved. You’re losing the fact that you will never see them married you will never have any grandchildren.
"He fought the battle for so long but the demon of heroin won. He tried so many times to beat this but in the continuous cycle of addiction couldn’t make it.
"He so wanted to be clean and knew he was playing Russian roulette but the mind and the body just gave in and now we are only left with the precious memories to hold on to."
Sadie said she would never forget the screams as she phoned Tony's sister in America to tell her that her brother had died.
"All I remember is the screams coming from the phone, he was not just her brother he was her best friend and her heart was breaking."
She continued: "Before Tony passed, I lay awake every night wondering, 'Am I doing too much? Am I not doing enough? Should I give tough love or just let him know that I love him?'
"Tony was maybe guilty of some bad choices. But who among us is innocent of this? Once the disease stepped in, his choices weren’t all his anymore. Addiction made choices for him. He tried, he struggled and a higher power finally said enough is enough and took him away from it all, but sadly away from us too.
"Now, I lie awake at night questioning the choices I made. The same questions but, tragically, in the past tense. 'Did I do too much? Did I not do enough? If love alone could have saved him, he never would have died.'
"I use to say 'everything happens for a reason' I have a hard time accepting that now. What reason could there be for him to die so young and so tragically?
"Maybe this is it. maybe it’s true when they say, “Some people have to die so that others can live.” Another hard quote to accept, but maybe that gives meaning to my heartache.
"I will continue to tell Tony’s story."
Last year, Sadie celebrated the 20th anniversary of the Derry-based charity HURT (Have Your Tomorrows) that she helped establish.
The charity has been a lifeline to those struggling to break the shackles of addiction.
"Losing Tony was devastating and life-changing and a piece of me died with him. I remember saying because my son died from an overdose I will not live in shame. I was proud of my son, no matter what. Relapses and mistakes didn’t change that, because he always picked himself up and tried again.
"Tony was smart, funny, and full of life with an amazing sense of humour. He wanted to play football for Liverpool. He had a loving home and family that loved him so much and yet, the drug took him quickly.
"He wasn’t just a number when he died he was a son, brother, nephew, cousin, friend and a person who was truly loved.
"I have to believe that maybe this is what he was actually supposed to do. This is what I am supposed to do. This is the reason.
"To talk about Tony struggles and death. To tell his story. Maybe putting it all out there and possibly saving another life is the legacy of his life?
"When a child or young adult is diagnosed with an incurable disease you would expect that family to be showered with prayers, along with expressions of support and sympathy from neighbours, friends and community.
"But when the diagnosis carries the name “heroin” or “opiate” or “overdose,” the opposite occurs. In fact, it’s not generally referred to as a diagnosis in the first place. People whisper about it, often just out of hearing range.
"They might not speak to you as if nothing had happened. Some people will even stop talking to you or go to the other side of the street."
"Back in 1999 we as a society did not generally recognize addiction as a disease. It was view it as a criminal act, a weakness, a failure or a poor choice made by the addict. They were just another junkie instead of some one’s child, a human being that lost their way.
"We thought we had time to help him, and we were wrong.
"Nobody grows up hoping to become an addict. No parent raises a child to go out and take drugs.
"When a child dies whether an adult or a teenager or younger, parents grieve. It is painful beyond anything that you can imagine.
"I want the world to know that I was never ashamed of my son and that I am proud to have had him for the short time I did.
"All the people that have died from addiction have been failed, and continue to be failed by the Government and society at large. There are cemeteries filled with the victims of that failure, and that needs to change.
"Mental health and substance use services in Northern Ireland are badly under-resourced and stretched, highlighted recently by the COVID-19 pandemic.
"What I think would make a real difference is to see funding redirected into, treatment, education and recovery instead."
You can find out more about HURT, Have Your Tomorrows HERE.
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