You, Me & The Big C's Deborah James says she would 'grieve for her life' before being told how long she has left to live - and often hoped she would be the 'lucky one'.
The 40-year-old broadcaster - who has battled bowel cancer since December 2016 - made the revelation in an old podcast episode, which aired in 2018.
The mum-of-two told her 455k Instagram followers on Monday night that she is dying from the illness and doesn't know how long she has left.
But in the podcast episode, she discussed that at the time, no one had given her a prognosis but she grieved for her life.
The presenter spoke to her co-hosts Lauren Mahon and Steve Bland about her illness as they mourned the loss of Rachael Bland - who passed away in 2018 from bowel cancer.
She created and hosted the pod with Deborah and Lauren, with husband Steve replacing her after her death.
Steve mentioned how he and Rachael were 'naive' about her diagnosis and insisted they would go home after treatment and 'forget all about it' - but that didn't happen.
In agreement, Deborah said she did the same thing, too.
The star explained: "Some days I grieve for my life, because statistics will tell you that I'm not gonna be here for very much longer.
"At the same time, nobody has had that conversation with me, and it's one step at a time - so therefore, you have to hold onto the hope of the fact that you could be the lucky one, right until that last moment."
Deborah said they all knew that Rachael was going to die from the illness, but they didn't want to believe it until the final week.
She concluded: "I think even with Rach, even though we kind of knew on paper it was going to happen, until that final, final week."
Deborah set up a JustGiving page in a bid to raise funds for charity Cancer Research.
She initially set out to raise £250,000 - but generous followers have donated over £1million.
For her final wish, Deborah asked her supportive followers to donate as much as they could to fight bowel cancer.
She stated: "All I ask if you ever read a column, followed my Instagram, listened to the podcast or saw me dressed as a poo for no reason.
"Please buy me a drink to see me out this world, by donating the cost to @bowelbabefund which will enable us to raise funds for further life saving research into cancer. To give more Deborah’s more time.
"Right now for me it's all about taking it a day at a time, step by step and being grateful for another sunrise. My whole family are around me and we will dance through this together, sunbathing and laughing (I’ll cry!!) at every possible moment."
