Deborah James broke down in tears as she recalled "hard conversations" she had had with her children about her death.
The presenter, 40, was diagnosed with bowel cancer in 2016 and over the years has been heavily involved in charity work to raise money for cancer research and raise awareness through ITV's No Butts campaign. On Monday evening, Deborah revealed that she was in hospice care.
She has now decided to return home to have her end of life care there, reports The Mirror. She is now, sadly, spending her last days surrounded by family and friends.
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Appearing on BBC Breakfast this morning, she said: "I've always said I don't want to leave any stone unturned - I don't think there isn't a stone we haven't tried to unturn to make my liver work again in order to get my body functioning. Unfortunately I'm exhausted - I'm absolutely exhausted. We've got to the point now where I can't really do anything more. "
She continued as she began to break down in tears: "I have a really loving family who I adore. Honestly, they're incredible and all I knew I wanted was to come here and be able to relax knowing that everything was OK. I've had some really hard conversations during the last week.
"You think, 'Gosh, how can anyone have those conversations?' and then you find yourself in the middle of them. And people are very nice, but you're talking about your own death and I've had five years to prepare for my death."
Deborah went on to say that she didn't have a "grudge" or "angry that [she] hasn't tried everything".
"I don't feel like we've run out of drugs but we're still not - I'm still not there yet," she said as she began to get tearful. So far, Deborah has raised more than £2million in just 48 hours as she asked people to "buy her a drink" to send her off by donating the money to Cancer Research UK. Donations can be made at bowelbabe.org.
On Monday, Deborah shared her heartbreaking post, where she said her body 'isn't playing ball'. She penned: "The message I never wanted to write. We have tried everything, but my body simply isn’t playing ball.
"My active care has stopped and I am now moved to hospice at home care, with my incredible family all around me and the focus is on making sure I’m not in pain and spending time with them.
"Nobody knows how long I’ve got left but I’m not able to walk, I’m sleeping most of the days, and most things I took for granted are pipe dreams. I know we have left no stone unturned.
"But even with all the innovative cancer drugs in the world or some magic new breakthrough, my body just can’t continue anymore. In over 5 years of writing about how I thought it would be my final Christmas, how I wouldn’t see my 40th birthday nor see my kids go to secondary school - I never envisaged writing the one where I would actually say goodbye.
"I think it’s been the rebellious hope in me. But I don’t think anyone can say the last 6 months has exactly been kind. It’s all heartbreaking to be going through but I’m surrounded by so much love that if anything can help me through I hope that will.
"Bowelbabe Fund. I always knew there was one thing I always wanted to do before I died." Deborah continued, asking her followers to donate as much as they could to help support the fight against bowel cancer.
"I have always over the years raised as much awareness and money for the charities that are closest to me. @cr_uk @royalmarsden @bowelcanceruk," she added.
"As a result, the @bowelbabefund is being established and I’d love nothing more than for you to help it flourish. Please visit bowelbabe.org for all the info and to donate. All I ask if you ever read a column, followed my Instagram, listened to the podcast or saw me dressed as a poo for no reason.
"Please buy me a drink to see me out this world, by donating the cost to @bowelbabefund which will enable us to raise funds for further life saving research into cancer. To give more Deborah’s more time!
"Right now for me it’s all about taking it a day at a time, step by step and being grateful for another sunrise. My whole family are around me and we will dance through this together, sunbathing and laughing (I’ll cry!!) at every possible moment."
