DEAR ABBY: I recently went out to a bar with some friends. I was the designated driver because I no longer drink. I had a drinking problem, but I have been sober for almost seven years. The majority of the people I socialize with are supportive of my sobriety — except one.
I have been good friends with a guy for several years. The problem is his girlfriend. She keeps mocking me for not drinking. She thinks it’s all in my head and has said so to my face. I usually ignore her, but on this particular night, when it was her turn to buy the round, she set the glass down in front of me with a smirk on her face.
I was drinking regular Coke and didn’t think anything about it. I thanked her and when I went to take a sip, I smelled the alcohol in it right away. Abby, she had told the bartender to put rum in my Coke. I confronted her, loudly, in front of our friends, and she called me a party pooper. She then announced that it was all in my head, and told me to lighten up. I picked up the drink, threw it in her face and stormed out.
Now my friends are mad at ME for causing a scene and embarrassing HER. I admit I lost my temper, but I feel she was totally in the wrong. I have tried to talk to them about how I felt about her disregarding my sobriety, but it’s falling on deaf ears. Is there any way to fix this? — SOBER IN NEW MEXICO
DEAR SOBER: Everyone in that crowd knows you have a problem with alcohol. Your friends should have interceded to stop that woman’s bullying when it first started. That she would actually sneak a spiked drink to you was very dangerous, and I’m glad you caught on to the deception. She deserved the reaction she got for trying to sabotage you. “Fix” this by socializing with other members of the group without this couple, or find some new friends.
P.S. That this woman has such a problem with you abstaining from alcohol indicates to me that she has real problems of her own.
DEAR ABBY: I am childless — not by choice — and I have a hard time with this topic. I was married for 14 years and divorced at 39. I felt so hurt and betrayed I could barely function much less try to plan for the future and a family. Needless to say, the family I hoped for never happened. My siblings don’t have children either.
I don’t feel as though I have a real “family,” and when holidays, birthdays and Mother’s Day roll around, it adds to my stress and depression. It also doesn’t help when I meet new people always having to face the question of children. How do you advise someone barely shy of 60 on how to fill this HUGE void in my life and/or cure the heartache that seems to mount as the years roll by? — NOT BY CHOICE IN THE SOUTH
DEAR NOT BY CHOICE: One of the surest ways to battle the blues is to do something for someone else. On holidays, volunteer to help families who are less fortunate financially than you. Contact a church or a shelter, ask what some of the children might need and bring gifts. It may give you less time to dwell on what you don’t have and salve some of the ache in your heart.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
