DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law and his fiancee, “Shana,” have been dating for five years. They have a beautiful son and have a date set for their wedding. I have been with my husband for four years, and married for about a year. We did not have a grand wedding celebration, just a simple city-hall ceremony accompanied by a dinner with immediate family. However, Shana is having the opposite.
She has invited my husband to be part of the wedding, but not me. I’m very disappointed because I thought we got along rather well and I considered us friends. Aren’t the brother and sister-in-law supposed to walk down the aisle together in the wedding ceremony? That’s how I have seen other couples do it. My husband also finds it strange that Shana wouldn’t ask me to be a part of the wedding. After all, I’ve been part of the family long enough. What do you think? — OVERTHINKING IN NEW YORK
DEAR OVERTHINKING: Your husband will walk down the aisle to his brother because he is part of the wedding party. No rule of etiquette decrees that because you are a sister-in-law, you must be a part of the ceremony. If you had a simple wedding for financial reasons, you can always RENEW your vows in a grand fashion. Please don’t blame your soon-to-be sister-in-law for not making you a bridesmaid. Ask her if there’s any task you could perform — a reading, perhaps — to be involved and useful.
DEAR ABBY: I work with my husband in retail merchandising. A woman on our team is a few years younger than I am and very touchy-feely with my husband. She whispers in his ear and stands very close to him. My husband says that may be just the way she is. I told him he is wrong because she doesn’t do it when her boyfriend is around and she doesn’t do it to anyone else. How should I handle this? — UPSET IN FLORIDA
DEAR UPSET: Tell your teammate that from where you stand, it looks like she is hitting on your husband, and you don’t like it. Then, tell her that if she doesn’t stop, you will report it to the team leader or your boss.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter pledged not to have children until her mate proposed and they were married. Now, past the age of 30, she worries her biological clock will run out. Her mate says he’s ready for children, but still hasn’t popped the question, although they talk of marriage. It has been 10 years. What’s a girl to do? — BAFFLED MAMA IN OHIO
DEAR BAFFLED MAMA: As you and your daughter should have realized, talk of marriage can go on for decades and beyond. If her mate wanted to be married, the two of them would be. In this case, a 30-something “girl” who wants to be a mother after marriage should pop the question HERSELF. And if his answer is no, she should move on so she can find a willing husband.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
