DEAR ABBY: I met a great woman, and we have been dating for a year and a half. We talk and message every day, we have our inside jokes, and her parents love me. My mother loves her, and the sex is great. I had never felt more connected to someone, and we have spoken about marriage.
I planned to surprise her with a ring this year, but things changed around my birthday. She spent that weekend away with co-workers (I agreed she should go because she doesn’t normally have time to hang out), but when she came back, things were different.
We didn’t talk for two weeks, and when we did, she gave me this crazy story about taking in a friend who had been abused by her husband and sheltering her and their two kids. Then she told me she took in her biological father, with whom she had spoken only once in 30 years.
After that wild story, we didn’t speak for three months. When we did, I asked her what we’re doing and what she wants. She said she wanted to break up, but didn’t want to lose me, so we agreed to meet at a hotel to decide how we’d go forward.
Abby, she never showed up, and she has stopped communicating altogether. She still follows me on social media, so she isn’t mad at me, but I have been depressed ever since. What do I do? — GHOSTED IN NEW YORK
DEAR GHOSTED: I am a firm believer in patterns of behavior. Your girlfriend’s behavior changed when she chose to spend your birthday weekend with her co-workers. (I will assume they were girlfriends.) Whatever happened that weekend, she had a change of heart about her romance with you, but rather than own up to it, she wasn’t honest.
What you must do is admit to yourself that this person is not who you thought she was, and recognize that you will spare yourself more pain and anxiety if you block her on your social media. She may not want to “lose” you, but from where I sit, she ditched you when she stood you up at the hotel. Please accept my sympathy.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been happily married for 33 years. We have always enjoyed a good sex life, which continues to this day. The problem is our libidos are going in different directions — and probably not the direction most would assume. While mine is beginning to diminish as I age, my wife’s is increasing. Where our previous frequency was every other day, my wife now wants to have sex every day. I just do not have it in me anymore! I’m 61, and she is 59. Any suggestions? — DIMINISHED IN MINNESOTA
DEAR DIMINISHED: I am glad you asked, because I do have one. Ask your doctor to refer you and your wife to a licensed sex therapist. Couples can pleasure one another in ways other than sexual intercourse, and a sex therapist can explain to both of you what your options are.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Good advice for everyone — teens to seniors — is in “The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It.” To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8, to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
