DEAR ABBY: I recently got engaged to a man I’ve been seeing long distance for about a year. Then, out of the blue, an old military friend/crush called me and told me he has been thinking a lot about me and is working on himself. He apologized for the times he ghosted me because he couldn’t handle relationships.
We talked for two and a half hours, and it was like we were back to our deployment and inseparable. It brought feelings I have never had before, but it also brought confusion and conflict. I love my fiance. He’s a great man, and a single parent. I don’t know what to say to the old flame. Can you help? — CONFUSED IN THE WEST
DEAR CONFUSED: Tell the old flame you accept his apology for the multiple times he ghosted you and wish him luck in his self-improvement project, but explain that you are now engaged to a wonderful man. That said, you should not rush into marriage with anyone until you have doused this old flame and are confident in your decision.
DEAR ABBY: I am approaching 70 and I have been living a lie. I have two children who were born via artificial insemination by an unknown donor. Should I tell them, or take it to my grave? I have been divorced for 25 years and have no contact with their “father.” It was a choice we made because of his infertility, but we never discussed telling the children. Now I’m torn about what to do because they still have contact with him despite his being verbally abusive. I need peace of mind. Help, please. — SLEEPLESS NIGHTS IN ARIZONA
DEAR SLEEPLESS: Your “children” are adults. You and your former husband solved his infertility problem, and you were able to raise two (I assume, since you didn’t mention otherwise) healthy, contributing members of society. Because of the popularity of DNA testing, it would be better if your children heard this news from you rather than from who knows how many half-siblings they may have. Infertility isn’t shameful. Tell them what they need to know.
DEAR ABBY: My local area TV meteorologists and reporters have a terrible habit of calling rainy weather “miserable,” cloudy weather “gloomy,” and any other non-sunny day “dreary.” With so many horrible events in the news on a daily basis, reporting the weather this way seems irresponsible and reckless.
For some emotionally vulnerable members of our community, these negative words could be dangerous. Weather is weather. When we were kids, my friends and I would play outside in the rain and none of us ever thought of it as gloomy, dreary or miserable. Using such a powerful medium as television in this way could have a negative impact on people who are already in a dark place. — IT’S RAINING BUT NOT DREARY IN DELAWARE
DEAR IT’S RAINING: Thank you for speaking up, but you are addressing your comments to the wrong person — they should be directed to the manager of your local television station. While some weather forecasters may speak off the cuff, others usually read from scripts. So whoever is preparing the weather forecaster’s monologue may need to be advised to use different adjectives.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order “How to Have a Lovely Wedding.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds), to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)
