DEAR ABBY: I was just released from the hospital, and I suspect my husband is tapping his foot waiting for me to fix him lunch. He isn’t doing or saying anything overt, like “Get up and make me lunch,” but it’s more like he is whining about the options in front of him — peanut butter, frozen leftovers, etc.
I’m on a liquid diet and do not feel well. I may be well enough to get out of the hospital, but I’m far from 100%. My husband hasn’t offered to make me so much as a cup of tea. Instead, on my first morning home, he waited to get up until I had made the coffee and fed the cats. I didn’t feel like getting up to feed the cats and make the coffee, I just knew he wouldn’t get out of bed until I did. Last night, I made my own dinner while he whined that chicken broth and rice just didn’t do it for him. Now he wants lunch.
We’ve been married for 40 years. He has been a good husband, but in retirement he has become selfish and petulant. I’m no longer sure I want to spend the rest of my life fending for myself with a babyman in tow.
Listening to him complain while I’m in pain and feeling weak, I just want to cry. He takes any criticism personally. We’ve always been two strong-willed personalities, but I can’t push back right now — I don’t have the energy. I need him to step up and take care of me, but I’m afraid saying that will bring more hard feelings than help. — SICK OF IT IN TEXAS
DEAR SICK: The most important thing you can do is focus on your own health and getting stronger. Next would be to open your mouth and tell your lazy, entitled husband EXACTLY what you need and EXPECT from him. That includes him making the coffee, feeding the animals and buying things he would LIKE to have on hand while he makes his lunch — and yours, if you need it. This is what partnership is all about. And if he really isn’t up to it, you need to know so you can plan accordingly.
I am unsure whether you spoiled your husband or he came to the marriage fully self-entitled, but if he wants you on hand in case he gets sick or injured, this is the “investment” he is going to have to make now.
P.S. If he is not up to the task, perhaps a friend or relative can pitch in until you are stronger.
DEAR ABBY: My mom has this friend who I do not like at all. She’s a royal pain in the butt. She calls nonstop, even when we are about to have dinner. I tried blocking her number from Mom’s cellphone, but that didn’t last long. Abby, this woman is bad news. My dad and brother are annoyed by her. Is there any way to tell this person to just go away? — CAN’T STAND MOM’S FRIEND
DEAR CAN’T STAND: There is no way YOU can tell your mother’s friend to go away. There is, however, a way for your MOTHER to tell her not to call between the hours of 5:30 and 7:30 because it interrupts “family time.” Because your father is also upset about the frequency and timing of the phone calls, this is something he should consider discussing with your mother.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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