Two sisters are fighting to tackle the 'taboo' around suicide in memory of their 'wonderful', 'strong' mother.
Jacqueline Moore Gordon, from Hebburn, took her own life on March 14 at the age of 57. Although she had struggled with mental health difficulties at different times throughout her life, 'caring'', 'funny' Jacqueline was 'so much more than the demons she faced'.
To her daughters Laura and Kerry Moore, Jacqueline was at the same time 'mam, dad and best friend'. She was an adored 'Nanny J' to grandchildren Isla, six, and Arthur, one; and beloved sister to Garry, Malcolm and Julie.
Read more: Mental health charity says cost of living pushing people to 'breaking point'
Laura, 38, said: "She was one of the softest, kindest individuals I've ever known, to all of her family members, whether she was mother or nanny or sister or auntie. She was almost too soft and gentle to be on earth."
Kerry, 39, added: "She was also really funny, she was soft and gentle with a really great sense of humour that went with it. I don't think she realised how funny she was."
Heartbroken by the loss of their mam, the sisters have spoken out in a bid to address the 'taboo' and 'stigma' which still surround conversations about mental health and suicidality. They encouraged anyone struggling with suicidal thoughts to reach out for help - but also for people to check in with their loved ones, looking past the surface and allowing people to talk about how they're really feeling.
Kerry said: "If someone is feeling suicidal it can feel like that word starts a real uncomfortable conversation, but I think if people could feel more comfortable talking about it I think that would help. If you are actually feeling like 'I don't want to be here' if you can say that, if we can make this kind of conversation just as normal as saying 'I feel a bit low' or 'I feel really happy today'.
"She didn't present herself as someone who was in that sort of mentality, so it was a real shock to everyone. I know you hear on TV or in magazines about the signs and symptoms of things like strokes or diseases, maybe there needs to be more education on the signs of depression: are your friends not eating or sleeping? Have they lost interest in things?
"It needs to really be in people's face so they know the signs. We know from our experience that on the surface she always looked her best when she was at her worst."
The stigma around mental health difficulties may have made it harder for Jacqueline to reach out, with few people outside her immediate family knowing about the demons she faced. Laura said: "So many people said to us 'I didn't know, I would have taken her out for a coffee, I would have picked up the phone', but she was so proud, she didn't want to talk about mental health to other people. The way she was she wouldn't want to have worried somebody else."
Meanwhile, the sisters say, there needs to be more NHS support for people suffering from mental health difficulties before they reach crisis point, with long waiting lists for talking therapies and other such help. Jacqueline, who had previously worked as a radiology assistant, had also been suffering from some physical health issues, and her daughters questioned whether doctors she dealt with could have been more alive to warning signs about her mental, as well as physical health.
"It just feels like she slipped through every net," Laura said.
"This didn't need to happen. We expected to be saying goodbye to her in 20 or 30 years in a hospital bed and that has just been snatched away from us. She had so much life ahead of her, but she just couldn't see it."
After being inundated with messages from people who loved Jacqueline and wanted to contribute to something in her memory, the sisters, who live in Surrey, are hoping to set up memorials to Jacqueline both near them and in the North East. They've vowed that their mam's 'gentle character, kind soul, awesome personality and beautiful heart' will 'never be forgotten'.
They are raising funds for the memorials at https://www.gofundme.com/f/remembering-our-mam
- For confidential support from volunteers, including for suicidal thoughts, Samaritans can be contacted free, on 116 123 or by email to jo@samaritans.org
- In the North East, If U Care Share Foundation supports those bereaved by suicide and works towards suicide prevention
