Expecting someone to do something as big as give up their home for a party without asking for permission first is naive at best, even if that someone is family.
But that’s exactly what this redditor’s mother did. She organized a party at her daughter’s place without talking to her about it first, which led to personnel being asked off the property and the mother going off the deep end.
Seeking to learn more about parent-child relationships, Bored Panda turned to psychotherapist, educator and author of the book Breaking the Cycle: the 6 Stages of Healing from Childhood Family Trauma, Kaytee Gillis, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions. Scroll down to find her thoughts in the text below.
Throwing a party at someone else’s house without asking for permission first might result in having no party at all
Image credits: Inga Seliverstova / pexels (not the actual photo)
This redditor’s mom decided to throw a huge party at her place without saying a word
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Tara Winstead / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Weary_Cricket_914
Difficult parents can have a strong negative influence on their child
Dealing with entitled or self-centered people can be difficult no matter who they are. In the OP’s case, it was her mother causing problems, and her throwing the party without asking might have not been the only one—in the comments under the post, the OP revealed that she would go no contact with her mother if it wasn’t for her younger siblings, which means there were likely other disagreements between the two.
A survey in the US found that as much as 27% of Americans—resulting in roughly 67 million people—aged 18 and older have cut off contact with at least one of their family members; roughly 10% of them have gone no contact with a parent or a child.
Sometimes—especially if a parent is toxic—cutting all ties can end up being the right decision, even if a difficult one. According to the psychotherapist Kaytee Gillis, having a toxic parent can profoundly impact a child’s well-being in various ways. “At a young age, it can lead to emotional distress, low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, and difficulties forming healthy relationships,” she told Bored Panda in a recent interview.
“As the child grows into adulthood, the effects can persist, manifesting as ongoing psychological issues, challenges in establishing boundaries, and struggles with intimacy and trust. The toxic behaviors learned from the parent can also influence the individual’s own parenting style and relationships.”
Image credits: Elina Fairytale / pexels (not the actual photo)
It’s crucial to set clear boundaries, even with parents
While the OP didn’t go into great detail about the relationship with her mother, she did reveal that the parent tried manipulating her, using the story of how she nearly died during childbirth (even though it wasn’t her she was giving birth to). Unsurprisingly, such behavior coming from a parent can have a significant negative influence on their child.
“Dealing with a manipulative parent can be extremely damaging to the offspring’s mental and emotional health,” Gillis pointed out. “It can erode their sense of self-worth, lead to confusion and self-doubt, and instill a pattern of mistrust in relationships. Manipulative tactics may also hinder the child’s ability to develop autonomy and assertiveness, as they may constantly second-guess themselves or feel guilty for setting boundaries. In adulthood, these effects can persist, impacting the individual’s ability to advocate for themselves and form healthy, balanced relationships.”
Be that as it may, the OP did advocate for herself and made sure to let her mother know that the party was not happening at her place. She stood her ground, sending every delivery person, caterer, and other involved parties away from her property, this way setting clear boundaries.
Whether in a toxic parent-child relationship or not, setting boundaries is crucial. According to Gillis, healthy boundaries help define individual identities, promote mutual respect, and foster emotional well-being.
“As kids become adults, boundaries become even more essential for maintaining a healthy dynamic. Clear boundaries allow both parties to maintain autonomy, communicate needs effectively, and navigate the evolving parent-child relationship. Establishing and respecting boundaries also sets a precedent for healthy interpersonal dynamics in all aspects of life.”
As her mother didn’t show much respect in regards to boundaries, nor did she communicate effectively, the redditor wasn’t willing to give up her home, no matter how important the party was, and was ready to send away any guests, if they were to come, by directing them to her sister’s place.
Image credits: Sergey Makashin / pexels (not the actual photo)
The owner of the home provided fellow netizens with more details
People shared their thoughts in the comments
