Darts hero Raymond van Barneveld has opened up on the dark period that caused him to retire - ahead of a fairytale PDC World Championship return.
Barney thought he had played for the final time at Alexandra Palace in 2019 and was crushed by his devastating early exit.
But the 55-year-old Van Barneveld is now ready for a historic 30th appearance at the World Championship - a tournament he has won on five occasions.
The Dutch tungsten icon had endured a largely underwhelming return to the sport after his retirement U-turn in 2020, but is in improved form and returns as the 32nd seed this year, dreaming of a magical run at a sixth world title.
Van Barneveld was heartbroken after losing to former postman Darin Young three years ago, on what he believed was his final bow at the biggest event in darts.
And Barney has revealed he didn't want to quit the sport - but was consumed by his personal problems away from the oche as he began divorce proceedings.
"There was too much going on in my head," he told the Guardian, before the 2022/23 tournament got under way.
"I was breaking up with my ex-wife and I wasn't happy. I wasn't playing well and I was a nightmare for the people around me."
Van Barneveld also overcame a health scare after collapsing twice, including at the Players Championship in Milton Keynes in March 2021.
“The year off was brilliant because I could relax, but because of the pandemic I couldn’t really do much," he added. "So I missed the buzz. Then I collapsed, my mum and dad got [Covid-19] and then I collapsed again a couple of months later. It was a frightening time.”
Van Barneveld had split from his wife Sylvia in January 2019 following a 25-year marriage. And he revealed that the two-year comeback that he has largely described as 'mediocre', was partially decided upon due to the financial implications of his divorce.
"A lot of people think I'm totally loaded, but for the big money I peaked too early," he told Dutch outlet AD. "That came later.
"Also, don't forget that we pay a fair bit of tax on the money we make. And then with me, divorce came on top of that. They say that costs you fifty percent of what you have. Well, with me it was as much as sixty percent. At least."
Shortly after his split, Van Barneveld began officially dating Brit Julia Evans. And the darts legend romantically proposed to his girlfriend in Paris in February, posting a picture getting down on one knee with the Eiffel Tower in the background.
His heartfelt message read: "She said YES. I asked Julia to marry me in Paris this weekend and she said yes. I'm over the moon I love you so much."
