Is it just me? Before going to sleep every night, am I the only one who goes through a seemingly endless list of the unintentional slights I have committed against other people, the mistakes I have made, the inadvertent offenses I have perpetrated?
That time I said something mean about a sportswriter when I thought he had walked away — and I didn't even dislike him (I'm so sorry, Bob). The sarcastic emails where I accidentally hit "reply" to instead of "forward." Even something as innocuous as giving a tourist directions that turned out to be wrong.
Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.
Every day, the litany of transgressions grows. Recently, I was at the dairy case in my neighborhood grocery store. A well-dressed woman with an accent I couldn't place was asking a store employee for double cream.
The man looked confused. He didn't know what double cream was, and the woman's command of English was not sufficient for her to explain what she wanted.
I, however, know what double cream is, and I am propelled by a probably unhealthy desire to help others. I pointed to the bright purple cartons of heavy whipping cream and said, "this is double cream."
The store employee thanked me with a look of relief on his face, joked that the store should hire me, and left.
Double cream is the British term for heavy whipping cream, so I pointed her to the heavy whipping cream. And now I am second-guessing myself, adding this exchange to my burgeoning list of unintended mistakes.
The woman looked at me and asked, "Is butter?" I took her to be asking if it had a high percentage of butterfat in it. I started to explain that yes, heavy whipping cream has 36% butterfat in it, but I decided the language barrier would get in the way. So I just said that yes, it has a lot of butter in it.
Then she asked, "make butter?" I brightly said yes, you can make butter with it, and that I have done so several times. She looked moderately encouraged.
Then she pointed to white cartons of cream made by Prairie Farms, and said, "what is difference?"
Here is what is going to keep me up at nights: I said it's the same thing. The only difference is that the white cartons are twice as expensive.
I was wrong. I even knew I was wrong when I was saying it. But I was so wrapped up in being the friendly, helpful, knowledgeable guy helping a damsel in admittedly minor distress that I did not bother to explain the difference.
I was saving her five bucks. I was a hero.
The problem is, despite what I said a few paragraphs ago, heavy whipping cream is not the same thing as double cream at all. Double cream is much thicker and much richer, with a butterfat content of up to 48%. It's like the difference between ordinary unleaded gas and the gas they put into race cars.
At least I could have helped out my marginally distressed damsel by pointing out that the carton of Prairie Farms premium cream says it has 40% butterfat. That means that it is thicker than ordinary heavy whipping cream (Prairie Farms also makes a regular 36% butterfat cream).
Double cream is available locally at specialty stores including international markets, World Market and the larger Whole Foods stores. But I did not know that at the time.
I walked off, happy at being a superhero. The woman, still a little dubious, called her friend who was going to do the cooking to explain the situation. I sure hope her friend straightened her out and maybe sent her to one of those other stores.
And now I have something to add to my endless loop of mistakes.
