A dad is fundraising to have his own leg amputated as a football injury has left him in agony for 28 years - but NHS refuse to do it as they 'deem the surgery cosmetic'. Nick Brown has 'lived and breathed' football for as long as he can remember but while diving to make a save during a game 28 years ago, he collided with a goal post and snapped his posterior cruciate ligament in the process.
Over the years, the 54-year-old has undergone 12 surgeries to rectify the injury but has been living in constant pain and been 'passed from pillar to post' in a bid to identify its source. Nick, who's now registered as disabled, claims being on his feet causes his leg to swell up like a 'balloon' leaving him housebound for days and that catching it in the wrong way is akin to a 'hot poker' being sent straight through the limb.
The 'horrific' accident has had a colossal impact on all aspects of his life - as he's been forced to leave well-paid jobs and carries around an 'enormous amount of guilt' given he feels like he's 'holding his family back'. At his wits end, Nick claims he first approached the NHS asking for his leg to be amputated back in 2019 - but given they considered it 'non-life threatening and cosmetic', was turned down.
Due to being unable to see 'any further progression', the dad-of-five has fantasised about deliberately crashing his car in an attempt to 'mangle' his leg so that it would have to be amputated or even using a machete himself. Now at 'breaking point' the devoted dad is fundraising £18,000 to have the procedure done privately - which he's hoping will enable him to finally be pain-free and have a 'new lease of life'.
Nick, of Harworth, Nottinghamshire, said: "I want my right leg amputated above the knee to get rid of the pain. It's got to the point where nobody can actually find out [the source of the pain] because they always thought it was the knee, but I've had [the knee] completely removed now.
"I've been pushed from pillar to post, from doctor to doctor and specialist to specialist and I've had 15-16 scans and they can't find what is causing the swelling and the pain. I've even said this to my GP, if it wasn't for the fact I had a main artery in the leg, I've even thought about crashing my car so it mangles my leg up and forces the NHS to do it there and then.
"The amount of things that have gone through my head, it's frightening really. I've got a big machete in the garage that I used to use for chopping fire wood and the amount of times I just thought 'one good sweep with that and it could rid all my problems'. I know it might sound a bit dramatic and that but that's the effect it has."
Nick played football at a semi-professional level and even made the Welsh national team on a couple of occasions. Nick said: "Football was my life pretty much as a youngster I played every day of the week. I came from quite a very poor family and didn't have a pleasant childhood, so football was my escape.
"I wasn't a bad player and played at a very good standard and for some good clubs. I lived and breathed football. Even now, it's still my life. My family and I go and watch it and I help out on a Monday night with a local five-a-side football league.
"I sit there with my chair and it's my way of trying to stay back in touch with football because it was kind of like a bereavement when I had to walk away finally."
Nick played football virtually every day since the age of eight until his accident aged 27. Nick said: "The accident happened during a game. I made quite a decent save but in the process collided with the goal post. Unknown to me at the time, I actually snapped my posterior cruciate ligament, which is supposed to be near on impossible to do in football.
"I think the adrenaline was pumping and the fact that I was playing my old team. I'm a big bloke and don't like to let on that I'm hurt, so I picked myself up and like a fool carried on, which perhaps didn't do me any favours. It wasn't until that night when I went out for a meal and when I got up from the table to leave I just fell over and it came up like a balloon.
"The pain was absolutely excruciating. I couldn't put any weight on that leg so basically hopped to the car and I've been on and off crutches for the last 28 years."
He was dashed to hospital but it took six months for doctors to identify his the nature of his injury. He had his first surgery 18 months after the accident to stable the ligament together but it only lasted around three months before it became undone.
He was fast-tracked to have his knee cap removed and a graft taken of his knee cap, which was used as a new ligament. Nick's had around eight keyhole surgeries and his last two surgeries were knee replacements.
But despite all these procedures, Nick claims that he's been in constant pain and suffering from severe swelling in his leg since the accident, which is only getting worse as he ages.
Nick, who's always had hands-on jobs, including as a fireman and prison officer, was forced to give up work three years ago. Nick can walk unaided, but not a great distance, and is now fully registered disabled and uses a walking stick, crutches or wheelchair to get around.
Nick said: "Since that day, I've always walked with a bit of a limp. Some days it's worse than others, some days I can't even put weight there because my leg just swells up like an absolute balloon. If I'm on my feet for any length of time, for days after I'm pretty much housebound with my leg elevated to try and get the swelling down with ice.
"I have to rest. Everywhere we go all I find myself doing is looking for a bench or a chair in a shop. There's always something that we want to try and do as a family but one of the reasons why I went to take my own life, is because I'm just a burden to my family, I'm just holding them back.
"I'm carrying an enormous amount of guilt on my shoulders because I feel like I'm holding them as a family back. It got to the point where I'd take myself off to an area and just break my heart because I just couldn't physically do the jobs.
"I've left very good paid jobs and now I'm on benefits and a small mobility allowance. I just feel worthless, useless and a burden to everybody."
To help him deal with the pain, the dad-of-five takes a concoction of pain relief, including morphine patches. He also takes tablets to help him sleep, as he's been surviving on an average of four to five hours a night for several years.
Nick said: "The easiest way to describe the pain is that it's like a dead leg but maybe ten times worse and it's constant. It's just like a dull ache all the time. If I catch my leg, say for example I'm doing a short walk and catch your foot on the curb, that to me is like someone putting a hot poker straight through my leg.
"It makes me feel pretty useless and I don't have the motivation to do things because I just feel so down, low and am in so much pain. It has a massive impact, especially the last five years. I just feel like I've lost my life if that makes sense, I know it sounds pretty dramatic. In 2019 I went to take my own life. I can talk about it now and it helps me to talk about it, but it got to the point where I was basically at the end of the road, I couldn't see any further progression."
But while on holiday in Turkey some four years ago, he got talking to a veteran who'd lost his leg in Afghanistan, which led him to look into getting his leg amputated.
Nick said: "Everybody around the hotel pitied him and I didn't, I actually envied him. I got talking to him and just asked him, can I ask you some brutal questions? I asked him, has it made your life that much worse? And he said 'if I'm being honest, it's probably improved my life because when people tell me I can't do something because I only have one leg, I prove them wrong'.
"And I just thought, what an inspiration that guy was. And I do believe that once the leg's gone and I am pain-free, it will possibly give me a new lease of life."
The Tottenham Hotspurs fan claims he first approached the NHS asking for the surgery in 2019 but that he's been turned down on several occasions since.
Nick said: "The NHS are saying that because it's non-life threatening and it's more cosmetic. But I've tried to say to so many of the specialists, this to me is a life-saving operation because it's going to a stop me from taking my own life or b, give me back my life.
"But it's just falling on deaf years. Especially now that they've replaced the knee, they've said it's a 'perfectly healthy leg' and I just said, 'how can I still be suffering and to the extent that I am?'
"If it's all in my head, that's what one of the doctors said. I said if it's an imaginary pain, how is the swelling there? To give you an idea of how bad the swelling is, I can push my fingers in and make a face with my fingers like it's a memory foam mattress. Is that imaginary as well? Why would my doctor prescribe me morphine patches plus all the other medications if I wasn't suffering like I'm suffering."
With encouragement from some friends, Nick set up a Go Fund Me page and is hoping to raise £18,000 to have the operation done privately. He said the initial procedure will cost around £28,000 with the possibility of a further £12,000 to receive a prosthetic leg and for rehabilitation afterwards.
Nick said: "The biggest message I could give anybody is to take yourself out a sports medical insurance policy. Because I thought I didn't need it, that I was untouchable and indestructible, and very few people have that now.
"And to openly talk about things, because the injuries then lead on to mental health issues and us guys never, my family didn't even know what I was going through. You bottle everything up, it's that old message - 'it is ok not to be ok'.
"Having the funds for the procedure would mean more than anything in the world to be honest. I just want to try and lead a normal life because I certainly don't have that at the moment and nor does my family.
"It would enable me to do things with my family and friends that I can't do now. It would enable me to see some light at the end of the tunnel and hope for a future."
Dr Nick Mallaband, medical director and consultant at Doncaster and Bassetlaw Teaching Hospitals, said: "While we cannot speak about specific individuals, in cases such as this it is our professional opinion, informed by years of experience and with all relevant guidance in mind, that an amputation is not necessary and, even if undertaken, would not achieve the desired outcome for the patient.
"Life-changing procedures such as the removal of a limb should only be considered when there are no other options, and we are satisfied, beyond all doubt, that this will benefit the overall wellbeing of a patient. If this consensus cannot be achieved it means we are not convinced of the merit of going ahead with a particular course of treatment.
"Finally, to ensure our decision making is sound, in particularly complex cases such as this one, we would always refer onwards for a second, specialist opinion, and come to a conclusion based on all the evidence available to us.
"We do however understand the distress this may cause individuals who are seeking a particular pathway of care, and we would urge anyone in this position to contact the relevant services for further support, as well as counselling, particularly if their mental health deteriorates."
You can donate to Nick's fundraising page here.
