A Wirral couple who are currently expecting their third child said it became clear they wanted to start a family after surviving the Manchester Arena bombing.
Charlotte and Samantha Mills perspective on life changed after they attended Ariana Grande's 2017 concert. Despite both knowing they always wanted a family, it made them realise they wanted to start one sooner rather than later.
Now, the couple, from Woodchurch, are doting parents to two boys and are due to soon welcome their third son into the world.
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Charlotte, a 31-year-old special needs teacher, told the ECHO : “It put life into perspective and it made us realise that we wanted to start a family sooner rather than later. Understandably, we knew that it would take time as we were unsure of which route to go down and the legal side of things. So it took a lot of research.
“I always worried about having children because of being in a same sex marriage. I would always say to Sam 'would it be fair on our child? They might get bullied for having two mums. What will they call us?' but after the Manchester bombing, those doubts went straight out of my head. Bullying and nastiness is all around and it can't be avoided sometimes. All children need is love and we have buckets of that to give to ours.”
The couple, who have been together for 10 years, hope by sharing their journey with fertility it will raise awareness on alternative ways to start a family.
Charlotte and Samantha initially were unsure how to go about conceiving their first child as a same-sex couple. After researching their options, they opted to look at fertility treatments through the NHS.
Charlotte added: “We were considering Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) at first. It was the cheapest option and also it was less intrusive with medical treatments and tests and less stressful. So rather than IVF where they would take your eggs and fertilise them with sperm, they would insert sperm into your uterus when you're ovulating.
“However, with this we realised that the chances were slim as there is only a 15% success rate with frozen sperm compared to fresh. Also, you don't know what you're getting. You can choose ethnicity but that's it.
“Although I understand each sperm donor gets vetted and tested, we liked the idea of knowing more about the person doing it. So while we were on the waiting list for the NHS, we decided to try it at home when Sam was ovulating.”
The couple received a sperm donation from a friend who Samantha has known for a long time. Luckily, the insemination worked the first time round and 33-year-old Samantha fell pregnant with their first child Jasper. As a result of this, the couple decided to leave the NHS waiting list.
Charlotte said: “There were some tough times mentally after Jasper was born, more so for me as the partner. I was worried that he wouldn't love me because I didn't carry him. But I know now that that was just my emotions and I suppose normal because I love him so much.”
It wasn’t long before the couple decided they had more love to give and wanted to try for another baby. However, this time they would need to take an alternative route as their previous donor didn’t want to donate again.
Despite this, they still knew they didn’t want to go through the clinic for several reasons including not knowing where the sperm was coming from and that the sperm would be frozen meaning a lower success rate and higher financial cost.
The parents came across a website dedicated to helping single, lesbian, gay and infertile people across the country wanting to become parents. After several conversations and medical checks, they were matched with a suitable donor and Charlotte fell pregnant with their second child Rupert, who was born in September 2019.
Fast forward to today and the couple are expecting their third son, who they conceived through a social media app called Just a Baby.
Charlotte added: “We set up a profile of who we were and what we were looking for. We wanted sperm donors that offered Artificial Insemination (AI) only so we made that very clear. We kept in touch with our chosen donor regarding ovulation. On ovulation day, we arranged a time to meet and pick up the donation and then went home to insert it.
“When I fell pregnant with Rupert, it was an hour from collecting the donation to inseminating it and I fell pregnant first time. So it does work and the sperm does last. That was something we were worried about. The donors we used all had a lovely way about them and all had a very nice reason behind wanting to help others through sperm donation.”
After having three different donors, the couple are using their own experience to educate others on the legal and ethical side of sperm donations.
Charlotte said: “Make sure you do your research. When meeting and talking to a potential donor, ask questions, even if you think they sound silly, there's no such thing as a silly question when it comes to your children and your future.
“Also, be honest and specify exactly what you want. At the end of the day, a donor is giving you a gift and they want you to be honest and straight with them. We made sure we asked the donors we used 'why', why do you donate your sperm? Also how many people they have donated to is important. Keep an open mind throughout. Ask for medical records as well.
“Also, research the legal side of things. Sam and I are both on the birth certificates as mother and parent. This is because we are married. If you aren't married then you have to go through an adoption process after the baby is born. Ultimately it doesn't matter because you love the baby and they are your child. But if you want clarity and it is legalised, it is something to consider.”
