Picture highlights from the night
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Anyway, with that I think it’s time to sign off. This has been more than enough pomp for me. Thanks for reading along with me, everyone. See you at the next coronation concert!
Our reporter Nicola Slawson was in the crowd and the hits of the night were … Olly Murs and the drones??
The crowd in the arena have certainly been in the mood to party, waving their union jacks and their light up wrist bands any chance they could. The pop acts have been unsurprisingly the most popular. In fact while the coronation choir movingly sang about Better Days, one person could be heard muttering “it’s no Olly Murs.”
One of the biggest reactions of the night was the drone light show, the crowd gasping in awe while some watched on with their mouths hanging open as the lights twisted into butterflies, a blue whale, a rabbit’s face and an owl. You could hear a pin drop as the audience waited to see what it would look like next.
That said, I thought Bette Midler was supposed to show up. Did we miss her? Was there a filmed piece where Bette Midler reminded us that King Charles is actually a very talented singer and actress? Maybe I missed it.
Looking back, there are themes emerging, aren’t there? Decorative drones are the new fireworks. All royal concerts now have a mandatory glum bit about climate change. Fictional bears are a thing. Tom Cruise arbitrarily shows up (which is a good thing, because cake). I don’t think that Never Forget by Take That is the new Hey Jude, but aside from that we probably have the core DNA of the next 50 years of royal events figured out.
And that appears to be it. The coronation concert took a while to get going, and then once it did get going it took a while to get going, but it did eventually get going. I think the turning point was Lionel Richie. It’s a strategy I’m going to adopt in the future. Whenever I’m asked to do anything in public, I’m just going to start shouting “WAAAAAAA” like someone walking barefoot over Lego. It seems like a foolproof plan.
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Camilla is on her feet too now, looking like she’s trying to very politely hail a taxi. What a party. What a night.
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And the best cutaway of the night. Kermit the Frog singing along to Never Forget while Prince Edward gives him a proper ‘What the hell?? A talking frog?!?’ look. This should be the image that the country remembers for decades.
Final song of the night. And it’s Never Forget. This is Take That’s big moment. Play their cards right and this gets to achieve Hey Jude status. All the big guns are out. There’s a children’s choir. There are military drums. There will, conservatively, be a drone pattern of a crown at some point. What a big finish.
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The royals are on their feet. Sophie Wessex is going for it. What scenes.
Mark Owen is going to sing Shine now. Interesting set up here. Mark Owen is doing the singing. Gary Barlow is playing the piano. And that leaves Howard Donald to dance along to it by himself. All adrift, cursing Jason Orange for leaving him exposed and vulnerable like this.
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But nevertheless an important historical document. After all, what is this if not footage of the man who wants a knighthood more than literally anyone else who has ever lived?
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Take That close out the show
Sixty Percent Of Take That are singing Greatest Day. Or, rather, one of them is singing the first line of Greatest Day, and then letting the crowd sing a load of it for them. And then they’ve brought some other guy on to sing it. It’s weird. It’s like a timeshare performance.
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Right, one act left. And that act is Some of Take That.
God, I miss X Factor.
Firework, of course, is featured in the animated movie Madagascar 3. Which is better than Mulan. Take that, Scherzinger.
Perry is now singing Firework. However, fireworks aren’t particularly good for the environment, so for the purposes of this evening her song has been renamed “Illuminated Drone Pattern Of A Big Owl”.
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Princess Charlotte appears to know all the words to Roar. Genuine question: are the kids drilled on this, for this specific purpose? Is it now an expectation that the younger royals have to Carpool Karaoke their way through concerts?
Katy Perry performs Roar and Firework
Anyway, here’s Katy Perry, tonight’s penultimate performer. She’s dressed as a Quality Street and singing Roar. Suddenly this whole nonsense actually seems like a concert for the first time.
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I think I understand the royal bear hierarchy now. Queen Elizabeth had Paddington. King Charles has Winnie the Pooh. By my calculations, when Prince George becomes king, his coronation will feature an appearance by Cocaine Bear.
Now for the bit with the famous people. Alan Titchmarsh is here to say that the king is a gardener. Amanda Holden is here to say that the king has some dogs. And Winnie the Pooh is here to say that the king likes squirrels, or something.
What we are witnessing now, is a television programme where 20,000 applaud some drones in the shape of a giant owl’s face.
The drones have turned into a butterfly now. And a sort of squiggly line. Anyway, the important thing is that the world is effed beyond all belief. Ooh, now the drones are a whale! Lovely!
Abel is singing Don’t You Forget About Me. From the perspective, I guess, of the planet? I’m honestly so confused.
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Hey, guess what? More drones. A flower!
And in celebration of the natural world, here’s a Zak Abel and Alexis Ffrench performance, with an intro by the king who, again, is explaining how effed everything is. Still, enjoy the Muppets everyone.
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Stella is also explaining that the world is absolutely effed and there’s absolutely no hope for any of us, but it’s OK because the king knew it was going to happen 50 years ago.
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And now here’s Stella “Sorry, Dad Was Busy” McCartney, to explain that the world is quite nice.
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Oh, here come the lit up drones. In Cornwall, the drones have taken the shape of a watering can. In Cardiff, a dragon.
Dover is lit up. Blackpool is lit up. Newcastle is a bit lit up. Some people in Cambridge are on bikes that can light up a tree. It’s hard to describe this bit through the medium of a liveblog, but try to imagine some lights. There, you’ve got it.
Here’s Paloma Faith, dressed as a sort of fuchsia sex toy, who will perform during a segment where the nation gets lit up in a spectacular display in celebration of the king.
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Now for James Nesbitt, who appears to be performing a monologue about different parts of the UK. It appears to have been written by Alan Partridge.
Prince William pays tribute to his dad
William is pointing out that Charles knew about climate change before anyone else, and doesn’t just like white people. And that’s about it. The next one of these will be for his coronation, of course. Should we all be so lucky that Lionel Richie is still alive for it.
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Some lovely pics from that Royal arts institutions Romeo and Juliet-off here.
“Don’t worry, unlike Lionel I won’t go on all night long”, says William. Take that man’s name out of your mouth.
How to follow this absolute barnstormer of a performance? Why, a long and meandering speech by Prince William, of course.
Prince Andrew is also here, looking like he’s wondering if Woking Pizza Express does deliveries to this radius.
My god, it’s gone nuts. Sophie Wessex has gone full Slug And Lettuce Kicking Out Time, throwing shapes like there’s no tomorrow. Mike Tindall looks like he’s on a Butlins 80s weekender. Even the king is dancing. Imagine his mum dancing, to anything ever. Unthinkable. This is the power of Lionel Richie.
Oh my god, he’s doing another song. He’s doing All Night Long. I don’t think I can take it.
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This is the first part of the evening I’ve enjoyed. What would have improved Nicole Scherzinger’s song? Her breaking off in the middle to go “WAAA WAAA WAAA” like a funny little fire engine. What would have improved Olly Murs? Him going “Hello my name is WAAA WAAA WAAAAA” right at the start. I think the king has to do a speech in a minute. If it doesn’t just consist of him going “WAAAAAAAA” like a goat stuck in a fence I am going to be bitterly disappointed.
Lionel Richie is up next, to sing parts of the song Easy interspersed with a genuinely weird “WAAAAAA” noise. And it’s easily the most bananas thing I’ve seen all year. “Sounds good, huh?” he yells at the crowd, defiantly, before going “WAAAA WAAAA WAAAAA” like an angry little baby.
Tom Cruise quotes Top Gun at us
More famous person clips. Pierce Brosnan says that King Charles can fly an aeroplane. Bear Grylls says that he can do boats and stuff. And now Tom Cruise is in a plane, quoting Top Gun at him. And this is the best part of the whole evening, by far, because I’ll be damned if I’m losing my cake privileges over a sodding liveblog.
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Camilla, on the other hand, is going crazy for this. She’s singing. She’s waving a little flag. This is the most fun she has had in years.
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Andrea Bocelli and Bryn Terfel are up next, to shout You’ll Never Walk Alone as loudly as they possibly can.
The Muppets!
Oh hang on, it’s the Muppets. Kermit and Miss Piggy are here. Miss Piggy is currently trying to have sex with Hugh Bonneville. And Prince Charles bloody loves it.
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Next up tonight is Tiwa Savage, singing Keys to the Kingdom, which seems a bit on the nose tonally. I’m not saying that I’m getting fatigued, but I can’t think of a single thing to say about it. Let’s just call it a song and leave it at that.
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Behold, the many prancing poses of Olly Murs.
It’s important to remember this moment. Because one day your grandchildren will gaze into your eyes and ask “Where were you when they did that Zoom karaoke song for the king?” And you will have to look down at them and say “I was reading it about it on a liveblog”. And everyone will feel equally bad about themselves as a result.
Now for that Steve Winwood thing. Interestingly, the Commonwealth choir he kept banging on about is a virtual one. What we’re witnessing, basically, is a Zoom meeting.
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Next up, someone from The Amber Trust is playing Bach on the piano. This is because, if I’ve got this right, this is an entire segment in celebration of the king’s watercolour paintings.
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Next: a reminder that Charles and Camilla like books. And Tracey Emin says that he likes art: “He’s a very good painter, and there’s a lot of heartfelt emotion in this,” she swoons over one of his watercolours. And Dynamo says that he’s a magician. Sadly the clip ends there, because hopefully Sooty was going to come on next and say that Charles is also a handpuppet of a bear.
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This is the stuff, you sense, that King Charles is actually invested in. It’s roughly the equivalent of when they’d try to cheer his mum up by dragging a cow onstage sometimes.
Now for what has been given the sinister name of The Royal Collaboration. It’s a scene from Romeo and Juliet, conceived by all those societies I mentioned earlier. And it’s got the new Doctor Who in it, and the song Somewhere from West Side Story, and the main cat from the film Cats, who unfortunately has not come along dressed as a cat.
This is a very Nicole Scherzinger performance, in that she’s singing every single note like it’s the last note of a power ballad, and she’s also calling for help from the roof of a burning building. I’ve lost the ability to judge whether or not she’s a good singer. But she has certainly done more singing than anyone else will today.
Next up: pianist Lang Lang, playing a long extended piece as an introduction to Nicole Scherzinger, in a velvet gown, to sing her Mulan song.
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Between every song during this concert, there are little clips of famous people talking about the king. Tom Jones is impressed that he can play the cello. More on this when we get it.
Cutaway update: Amanda Holden, essentially reacting to this song like it’s 3am and she’s blind drunk.
The choir is singing Brighter Days, which is an Emeli Sande song. There’s singing, there’s signing, there are people in uniform. And they all look like they’re having lots of fun, which is good because god knows somebody has to.
Olly Murs has left the building. And now it’s the Coronation Choir, which is like a coronation quiche, except marginally less likely to leave you constipated.
Olly Murs has initiated a crowd singalong, which seems extremely confident since a) he’s Olly Murs, b) this isn’t a particularly well-known song and c) the crowd here seems to actively dislike the entire concept of music.
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Anyway, shh, it’s OLLY MURS! He’s singing that song of his that begins with him telling everyone that his name is Olly. I think – fairly confidently – that on one X Factor episode he performed this song as a duet with some Muppets.
Here’s our host, Hugh Bonneville. I seem to remember at the last jubilee concert, Lee Mack told a load of Partygate jokes. Nothing of the sort here, though. Bonneville called Charles “the artist formerly known as Prince”, and that’s about it.
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I think the fun of tonight might be the reaction shots, you know. Just now: Camila rifling through a handbag like her life literally depended on it.
OK! The concert actually seems to be starting now. The first act is… Pete Tong, pressing buttons while some people sing that Rudimental song that seems to play at the start of 90% of all Saturday evening talent shows. Pete Tong looks awkward, and the only member of the audience who looks even remotely interested in it is Rishi Sunak, who is doing a very polite nod-along.
The crowd seems really ramped up for a great night, too, because they’re doing polite little hip-hip-hoorays. This is rock’n’roll on a level I cannot comprehend.
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If we’re doing body language analysis, then King Charles looks happy and excited and Camilla looks bored out of her goddamned mind.
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Apparently the king and queen are still ten minutes out. And so, to fill the time, here’s Nicole Scherzinger. She’s going to be singing a song from Mulan. Why? We’ll never know, because the king has arrived early.
Now there is a discussion about Steve Winwood’s contribution tonight, which will include contributions from the members of the Commonwealth who aren’t currently actively trying to leave the Commonwealth, so that’s nice.
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The concert broadcast is almost 25% over and nothing has actually happened. This is like someone scheduling The Xtra Factor before The X Factor. It is bananas, and also I think I’m starting to miss The X Factor.
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We are now being treated to a short film about tonight’s collaboration between the Royal Ballet, Royal Opera House, Royal Shakespeare Company, Royal College of Music and Royal College of Art. Which, frankly, isn’t enough Royal organisations. What about the Royal National Lifeboat Institution? The Royal Society for the Protection of Animals? The Royal Automotive Club? This is a missed opportunity and no mistake.
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Back to Clara, who is standing with the three remaining members of Take That. That’s how we know that this is a big deal; it’s lured Gary Barlow out of hiding to dribble for a knighthood. He’s keeping his desperate thirst in check for now, but you can probably expect the night to end with him screaming and clawing at the stage until someone bungs him a knighthood out of pity.
Apparently they’re playing a new song with dance producer Robin Schulz, and singer Calum Scott will be guesting with them. “We know the songs – we know the words,” Mark Owen says reassuringly.
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Kirsty Young’s first in-studio guests are Motsi Mabuse and Hugh Bonneville. I really hope, in the years to come, future generations look back on this moment and discuss the importance of this, the big coronation One Show episode.
Meanwhile, Clara Amfo and Jordan Banjo have all the juicy backstage goss. All the performers have been given seeds and artwork from local schoolchildren. And here’s Olly Murs, wearing a vest and saying very little of interest.
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We’ve begun. This is the first concert to mark a coronation, and the first concert ever held at Windsor Castle. Isn’t that wonderful? Isn’t it lovely to start a huge concert with the world’s dullest statistics?
OK, here we go. The coronation concert is about to begin. Everyone strap in, because this is going to be something.
To make matters slightly more interesting, word from inside Windsor Castle is that the event itself is really badly organised. Thousands of people are apparently stuck outside the main arena, with members of the public trying to guide them in due to the lack of official stewards. We’ll be keeping an eye on the situation. Here’s a pic from the Guardian’s Nicola Slawson:
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You know, maybe I’m onto something with the X Factor thing. It has been pointed out, for instance, that yesterday’s coronation had a smaller audience than a much more iconic performance:
right..? and 13.57 million people watched wagner perform creep on the x factor dorl x https://t.co/1jf8CtksoP pic.twitter.com/lrFd4dNvP7
— 𝑆𝐼𝐴𝑁 𝑇𝐻𝑌𝑀𝐸𝑆 🥂 (@SianThymes) May 7, 2023
Other acts were asked to perform tonight, because it would genuinely nuts for King Charles to have the most important weekend of his life to climax with a performance from Olly Murs. Among the refuseniks, we’re led to believe, were Adele, Elton John, Harry Styles, Spice Girls and Robbie Williams, the latter of whom couldn’t find time to perform for the king but could find time to recently sing a song about cat food in an advert for cat food. Priorities.
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Obviously it’s worth pointing out that tonight’s concert won’t be a total X Factor rip-off. The full list of performers has already been announced, and it includes Steve Winwood, Katy Perry, Lionel Richie, Paloma Faith, Bette Midler and Pete Tong. So there’s something for everyone, really, so long as you’re either exactly 45 years old or 80 years old.
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Welcome to the coronation concert!
Hello everyone, and welcome to the Guardian’s liveblog of the Coronation Concert. After all the pomp and ceremony of yesterday’s main event, now is the time for the country to do what it really does best: watch a succession of mediocre musical acts with a sense of weary, duty-bound resignation.
Listen, I have to level with you here. I didn’t watch the coronation yesterday. I didn’t see a second of the ceremony, I haven’t read anything, or had a street party, or eaten anything even approaching a quiche. I genuinely couldn’t care less about any of the principal figures involved. So why, then, have I – an avowed buntingphobe – decided to liveblog the coronation concert? That’s easy. It’s because I know what this really is.
The concert is happening on a Sunday evening. It’s substantially longer than it needs to be. The musical acts involved include Gary Barlow, Nicole Scherzinger and Olly Murs. This isn’t a coronation concert at all – it’s a 2013 episode of The X Factor. And if I know anything at all in this cruel joke of a world, it’s decade-old X Factor episodes.
The coronation concert starts at 8pm, and will be broadcast on BBC One. If we all close our eyes and pray, maybe Louis Walsh will make an appearance.
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