James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family, used to tell the story of a greeting-card company that decided to provide free Mother’s Day cards for prison inmates. The response was amazing, with long lines to get the cards. The next month when Father’s Day rolled around, the company decided to do the same thing. But this time, not a single prisoner took them up on the offer.
How many of those men could have avoided prison if they had a solid relationship with their dad? How much more successful could our people, our families, and our nation be if more men stepped up to love and lead their families?
Asserting the importance of fathers is often met with vehement opposition. Perhaps because so many fathers have fallen short over the years, or perhaps because our fallen nature simply makes us prone to rebellion, some insist that fathers can be cut out of the family entirely.
Government programs that incentivize single motherhood already reflect our culture’s indifference to fatherhood. Social norms that dismiss the importance of marriage and family formation do the same. Just how expendable are fathers today? According to a USA Today report earlier this year, our scientific establishment is “getting closer to the possibility of making a new person… without the need for sex.”
With so many forces aligned against fatherhood, it should come as no surprise that nearly 40% of births in the United States occur outside of marriage, up from 28% in 1990.
These figures only tend to get worse over time. Kids who grow up without fathers, on average, have worse life outcomes. Seventy-one percent of high school dropouts are fatherless, 70% of juvenile delinquents are fatherless, and 75% of adolescent patients in substance abuse centers are fatherless. All too often, these children grow up to raise their own children in single-parent households.
This is particularly true for boys, who need their father to be a role model of healthy masculinity. No matter how much the culture might protest, men and women are different, and without a dad young men struggle.
Thankfully, there are many exceptions to these macro trends. Young men all around the country are defying the statistics, standing up to the culture, settling down with their wives, and sticking around for their children. Indeed, I am grateful to work with many such fathers in my role at the Heritage Foundation.
What should men today do if they want the best outcomes for their wives, for their children, and for themselves? Below are a few research-based suggestions for all fathers. They are not always easy to follow, but they are simple.
First, attend to your marriage. According to Communio’s nationwide study on faith and relationships, on any given Sunday, a married woman in church is 62% more likely to report that she is struggling in her marriage than her husband is. This reflects another disturbing stat that young men need to be aware of: Women account for roughly 70% of those who initiate a marital breakup. So, pay attention to your spouse, and avoid centering everything around your work, hobbies or even your children. Invest in date nights. Help around the house. Make sure that you both are on the same page about your family finances.
Second, attend church. The same Communio study referenced above found that the fate of faith and family are intertwined. In fact, it showed that 80% of church goers come from intact families with continuously married parents. More than 10 years ago, Charles Murray’s Coming Apart already indicated the importance of faith to success in modern life when it noted that who attended religious services “more than weekly” were 20% more likely to report being “very happy” than those who attended “once per year” or less. Consistent church goers are more productive, happier, and their children have better outcomes.
Finally, get home for dinner, the earlier the better. Researchers at the Institute for Family Studies have found that “parents who eat dinner before 6:15 p.m. read during the evening with children 27% longer, play with children during the evening 18% longer, spend 11% more quality time with children during the evening, and spend 14% more overall time with children.” While these percentages may seem marginal, making sure you’re home for dinner ensures that quality time with your children is part of your everyday schedule, and that can make all the difference.
In 2023, millions of young Americans are yearning for a healthy society, a strong nation, and a clear purpose for their own lives. To achieve each of these goods, they should direct their energy toward constructing a healthy home. After all, your boss can always find a replacement for you at work, but only one person can be “Dad” to your children.
This Father’s Day, all of us can do our part by recognizing the key role of fathers and encouraging the dads in our lives to prioritize being good husbands, attending church, and getting home for dinner. Together, these three simple actions can form the basis of happy, healthy families, flourishing communities, and a stronger nation.
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ABOUT THE WRITER
Derrick Morgan is the executive vice president of The Heritage Foundation.
