The other day I heard on the radio Chubby Checker bursting forth with his 1960 hit 'The Twist'. It's not the greatest of songs but it sparked fond memories because it launched a dance craze which proved a social life-saver for me and many other shy teenagers.
Being a complete disaster at ballroom dancing I hated going to school dances and the like. I even struggled with the waltz, while the jive looked great but required coordination beyond my capabilities. So I was like the proverbial wallflower at dances, hiding in a corner behind the potted plants.
But with the Twist you didn't have to know any steps or worry about squashing your partner's toes. It was eloquently described at the time as "like putting out a cigarette with both feet and wiping your bottom with a towel".
All you had to do was just stand there and wiggle about as Chubby launched into "Come on baby! Let's do the Twist". Admittedly you looked kind of stupid but at least it meant you could ask a girl to dance without fear of being abandoned half-way through because you didn't know the steps. Mind you it still didn't totally stop me being abandoned in mid-dance.
In 1962 Chubby came up with another dance song, 'Limbo Rock', which for me was a non-starter. "How low can you go?" asked Chubby… not very far was the answer. It seemed little more than an invitation to do serious damage in the nether regions.
Time to boogie
During the early 1960s there were so many dance crazes it was impossible to keep up with them. It even sparked a song -- 'Land of a Thousand Dances' made famous by Wilson Pickett. The original version by Chris Kenner featured 16 dances including the Pony, Chicken, Mashed Potato, Alligator, Watusi, Twist, Fly, Jerk. Tango, Yo-Yo, Sweet Pea, Hand-jive, Slop, Bop, Fish and Popeye. Pickett's version settled for just half-a dozen. If you remember any of them you are most likely a certified wrinkly.
Gangnam style
In the last decade the biggest dance craze was 'Gangnam Style' created by South Korean singer Psy. It was hard to pinpoint its appeal because it looked totally ridiculous, resembling riding a horse without the horse. It was a celebration of the totally absurd. The Sydney Morning Herald summed it up nicely saying that watching the video "made you wonder if he had accidentally taken someone else's medication".
But it was fun and the only negative aspect of Gangnam Style was that politicians got in on the act. British Prime Minister at the time David Cameron admitted that he and Boris Johnson, who was London Lord Mayor, danced it at the PM's country residence Chequers after having "a few beers" at the local pub. The very thought of Boris dancing Gangnam Style is too scary for words.
The dance required considerable dexterity and there were numerous reports of people who ought to know better ending up suffering groin strains, ruptures and other embarrassing ailments.
Down periscope
It seems the Thai Navy's submarine deal is becalmed at the moment suffering "engine problems" and is in danger of becoming a long-running saga that will remain adrift until the next saga comes along. It has always been tricky to convince the public in these painful economic times the wisdom of shelling out billions of baht on something the kingdom has done perfectly well without since 1951.
One question which has never really been satisfactorily answered is what will the submarines actually do? There have been references to "protecting national interests " although it is not immediately clear who would be the aggressors. Mind you, those man-of-war jellyfish which sometimes invade the Gulf can be a bit nasty, not to mention those uppity crabs.
In the dock
To look on the bright side, the proposed subs would provide company for the poor old aircraft carrier that hasn't had any aircraft for years and rarely ventures into the ocean. It looks kind of forlorn moping about in the dock at Sattahip with nowhere to go, although it still attracts visitors on Children's Day.
It can't be much fun for the carrier's 600-man crew either as it's not exactly a life on the ocean wave. In the film Follow the Fleet, Fred Astaire sings "we joined the navy to see the world, and what did we see, we saw the sea". At least they are better off than some Thai sailors who only get to see the dock.
Left hand down a bit
My view of naval affairs was admittedly influenced by listening to the BBC's radio comedy The Navy Lark in the early 1960s. It starred Leslie Phillips as a sub-lieutenant aboard the frigate HMS Troutbridge. The crew included Jon Pertwee and Ronnie Barker.
The navigation skills of the bumbling Phillips were extremely limited and in times of crisis he would order "left hand down a bit", greeted breezily by his subordinate with "left hand down a bit it is sir". Invariably HMS Troutbridge ended up colliding with other vessels prompting the anguished cries from Phillips of "Ooh, nasty!" or "oh lumme!"
Maybe one day Thai officers aboard a spanking new sub will eventually get the opportunity to confidently announce "left hand down a bit". Just as long as they don't collide with the aircraft carrier.
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