It’s not a party without cake, and really the only chocolatey treat people want to see at a birthday bash is M&S icon Colin the Caterpillar.
Last night when ITV News unveiled the scandal that Prime Minister Boris Johnson had held a birthday party on June 19, 2020, it was revealed that ‘around 30 guests’ enjoyed M&S picnic food and a birthday cake.
And people were quick to take to Twitter to joke that it was a Colin the Caterpillar cake - sending his name trending throughout the evening.
One said: “If what finally brings down Boris Johnson is a photo of him blowing out the candles on a Colin the Caterpillar I will never, ever stop laughing.”
Another added: “So, Johnson had a party that included “M&S food” and “a birthday cake.” He had a Colin The Caterpillar cake, didn’t he?”
So I went to M&S to pick up a Colin the Caterpillar cake to see if it could have served Boris, all his birthday party guests and still have a few pieces to spare for partners or children back at home.
A Colin the Caterpillar cake costs £7, and the packaging says that the dessert serves 10. Now, Colin is around 11 inches long, and four wide, so this would give 10 guests a pretty sizeable post-picnic food treat.
I decided to cut off Colin’s head - made from white chocolate - which would of course be reserved for the birthday boy (or girl).
Then I sliced the remainder of the cake into 10 slices - however, this is where things already seemed unequal. Colin’s body has ridges which means that every other slice is thicker than each other alternating piece, meaning some guests would benefit from a chunkier slice of cake.
Some of the cuts were directly on top of the round ‘Smartie’ like sweets decorating the top too - and there are only 15 of them, so half the guests would have to go without.
However, when I had 10 roughly equal slices, I laid each piece flat and cut it into quarters, which is where I realised that, if Boris had enjoyed a Colin the Caterpillar cake, his guests would probably have been disappointed with the portion sizes - I certainly was.
That said, with 10 pieces to spare, hungry guests would have been able to go in for seconds, particularly if some people had politely declined their allocated slice.
Some pieces were easier to cut than others - but the solid chocolate outer of the cake was what helped Colin keep his structure, and when weakened, the cake mostly fell apart, making for messy preparation and consumption.
It works out that you would get a piece of cake around two inches by one inch, which works out at around 17p worth of a whole Colin, or 15g of cake - give or take.
And although people joked that Carrie Johnson had bought her husband a Colin the Caterpillar cake, it’s since transpired that it was in fact a Union Jack cake he was served at the party, held when social gathering restrictions were still in place, it’s reported.
While Sue Gray’s inquiry is not yet complete - one thing’s for certain. Colin the Caterpillar is definitely better suited to serving 10 people than it is 'around 30'.
