There is a scene in the high-concept anti-drug comedy thriller, "Cocaine Bear," where Henry (Christian Convey), a 12-year-old, watches in awe and horror as someone is mauled by the titular animal — a bear that has ingested blow. Henry breathlessly exclaims, "I'd love not to remember that, but it's the kind of thing that stays with you!" And while this line delivery is mildly amusing, most of "Cocaine Bear" is not. Nor is it memorable. Many of the set pieces in director Elizabeth Banks' one-joke film are shocking because they are so boring. This film promises laughs and scares but manages to deliver neither.
"Cocaine Bear" is based on a true story of Andrew Carter Thornton II, who dropped several duffle bags of cocaine into the Chattahoochee National Forest in Northern Georgia in 1985 and himself as well — only his parachute didn't open and he died on impact. Thornton's backstory, which (according to the film's press kit) reportedly involves him being a narcotics cop, a DEA agent and a cocaine smuggler, among other things, is actually more interesting that what is seen in Banks' lackluster film. Screenwriter Jimmy Warden does not have the bear die of an overdose — as happened when a 175-pound black bear consumed kilos of coke (because there would be no movie) — and instead has the animal attacking various characters in uninspired ways.
In the opening moments, two hikers see the cocaine bear hitting its head against a tree and humping it. Audiences will be rooting for the bear to go on its coke-fueled rampage and sever limbs, but even when this happens, it is hardly satisfying.
The storylines are both predictable and dull. One has Syd (Ray Liotta, slumming in one of his last screen roles) as a shifty St. Louis drug trafficker who sends his son Eddie (Alden Ehrenreich) and his friend Daveed (O'Shea Jackson Jr.) to recover the missing cocaine. Eddie and Daveed banter annoyingly (their bromance feels forced) as they enter a situation much more dangerous than they anticipate. There is some pleasure in watching the unflappable Daveed beat up a trio of criminals in the national park's bathroom, or deal with a cop (Isiah Whitlock, Jr.) who has been trying to collar Syd. But the action feels sluggish, lumbering along like a bear more on sleeping pills than cocaine. An endless sequence where the bear lies on top of Eddie, covering him like a rug — and falls asleep, her vagina pressed against his ear — generates more of a shrug than a giggle.
No betting on who dies and who survives because when it comes to "Cocaine Bear" there is little nuance. The unsubtle approach works best in the third storyline which involves Park Ranger Liz (the ever-reliable Margo Martindale) who takes her gun on the search for Dee Dee because, she asserts, "I'm a peace officer, so I can shoot people."
Liz does get cornered by the bear both out in the park and when she returns from an outing to the ranger station, and Banks creates some tension in this sequence, which includes a clever (albeit bloody) visual gag involving a gunshot wound. The action that follows generates some real excitement which is more than can be said for the rest of "Cocaine Bear." When two medics, Beth (Kahyun Kim) and Tom (Scott Seiss), arrive and assess the aftermath of a bloody attack, things shift into high gear. As Beth takes Liz's heartbeat, the soundtrack thumps and all hell soon breaks loose, leading to a wild chase involving the cocaine bear chasing down an ambulance speeding away. There are some fun visuals here, from the bear leaping towards its prey to some painful injuries suffered by humans. This nifty sequence shows how good "Cocaine Bear" can be.
"Cocaine Bear" would have benefitted from being more over-the-top or campy, but Banks plays things mostly at face value, which is why the laughs and scares are so flat. Humor and horror both rely on surprise and most everything in this film is telegraphed, from obvious gotcha bits when characters realize they've not just left themselves open to attack, but did so in ways that forgot they were dealing with a bear.
"Cocaine Bear" never reaches the dumb fun level of "Snakes on a Plane" or "Lake Placid" — and that is a low bar — but it desperately wants to be in that rarified club. But it needs more than a title and concept. To its discredit, the film wastes a decent cast who are given types, not people to play. When a double-cross happens in one of the storylines, it passes as character development.
The bear easily out-acts the humans. Watching the animal experience ecstasy licking a fresh corpse or breathing in cocaine yields the closest thing to a contact high. The rest of "Cocaine Bear" is just a bad trip.
"Cocaine Bear" opens wide in theaters Friday, Feb. 24.
