I’ve always wondered what would happen to me if a blacked-out SUV screeched up and someone yelled: “GET IN — NOW! NO TIME TO EXPLAIN!” I know I would be annoying. I know my actions would ruin everyone else in the car’s day. “No explanation? At all? Come on. A hint? Come on!”
Two armed guards in leather bomber jackets bundle me into the back seat and floor it, but it’s around 2.30pm and I realise I’ve not eaten lunch. “Guys, how long’s this drive going to be?” Everyone’s mad at me because the spy agency they work for has a sprawling base across a countryside mansion and that’s a four-hour drive out of town, and they all had lunch at 1pm like normal people, so everyone’s furious when I make them pull over in a service station so I can get a claggy egg mayo baguette and a poncho (the weather has turned). My phone was on like 11% battery when I got bundled into the car, and even though I can sense a very tense atmosphere I really do have to charge it before it turns itself off, but all the guards have iPhones when I need an Android charger and it’s a whole other thing. Eventually, obviously, they put a matte black bag over my head and shoot me in the skull. Someone else can help with this shit.
