Put away the pumpkins and dust away the cobwebs: the Christmas Ad season is finally here, and this year the competition to spread the most festive cheer is as strong as ever.
Which of this year’s batch of tear-jerkers and bell-jinglers will survive the test of time, cementing themselves as true Crimbo classics - and which will collapse like a failed Yorkshire pudding? We rank the contenders.
1. John Lewis
Drumroll. This is it, the OG - and this year, it’s low-key, low-budget and interestingly, low-Christmas.
We follow a middle-aged man as he attempts to learn how to skateboard. What’s all this in aid of: a mid-life crisis? No: when the doorbell rings, we learn that he has been prepping the arrival of Ellie, the young girl it looks like the couple will be fostering over Christmas (and who loves to skateboard). This man is no middle-aged fool trying to recapture his youth; no, he’s a modern hero.
So the ad already gets top points for festive spirit. But is it up to scratch? Well, I always judge how good a John Lewis video is by whether I can feel a lump in my throat after watching it – and reader be assured, the lump was very much there. Now where are the tissues?
Cracker rating: 5
2. Lidl
Like your favourite (or not) uncle after a few festive sherries, Lidl the supermarket loves a good pun. The hero of their new Christmas marketing campaign is a stuffed toy in a branded jumper, pithily named “Lidl Bear”: an adorable teddy bear dressed in an accidentally shrunk-down Lidl knitted jumper.
Naturally, said bear becomes a roaring success after being spotted in a supermarket, eclipsing even Paddington’s star as he climbs the giddy heights of fame. He has his photo taken with a range of Lidl’s Christmas produce (of course), but from there his career takes off, with him gracing a music mag, a red carpet and a billboard marketing campaign.
But of course, fame is a fickle thing, and by the end of the ad, our furry chum has realised what really matters: getting back to his young owner, who’s been missing him and who puts out a call for him on television to come home.
Cracker rating: 4
3 Boots
The 2022 Boots Christmas ad has very savvily put It’s A Sin star Lydia West front and centre of this year’s festive offering, glamming her up with a pair of festive glasses that show West whatever brings joy to the people she looks at – ideal for helping with the Christmas shopping and giving her pals what they really want.
She effortlessly carries the entire thing and leaves the kind of warm, fuzzy feeling that only the best Christmas ads can conjure. The role of warm, relatable everywoman suits her well. Guess I’m heading to Boots for some glasses this year, it’ll certainly help with the tricky business of which presents to buy.
Cracker rating: 4
4. Sainsbury’s
This year, Alison Hammond gears up to take the Christmas crown for her star turn in Once Upon A Pud. Set to a flute version of Teenage Dirtbag (apparently part of a growing TikTok phenomenon known as ‘Bardcore’ or ‘tavernwave’), this ad follows a skinny young page as he goes on a cooking spree to win the approval of Hammond’s Countess.
Her twinkly smile and diva-esque energy is what brings the whole thing together (even if it is a tad bizarre to see her decked out like a pantomime dame). When she says, “That’s a bit of me! Well done, babs,” even I felt my shoulders unclench the tiniest amount.
Will this ad be a classic? Probably not. It’s nothing too special, but by gum, watching Hammond work her magic is a treat.
Cracker rating: 4
5. Argos
Argos’ festive offering this year centres around the Christmas hordes that invariably descend around December. In it, a mild-mannered couple are laying out a small bowl of crisps for a (presuambly) tiny party - but the hundreds of people rapidly descending on their house with presents, trifles and suitcases have other ideas.
It’s a fun advert, even more so for how it plays into the complicated family-and-friends element of the Christmas season. Sometimes, hosting drinks (or indeed, hosting family) does feel like preparing for a rowdy army, and the chaos unfold on-screen is likely to elicit a number of guilty sniggers. Plus, the sheer number of festive jumpers on display rewards a rewatch.
Cracker rating: 4
6. Asda
When it comes to spreading festive cheer for all to hear, Buddy the Elf is king. So why not put him in an Asda?
Put on checkout duty, Will Ferrell’s naive fish-out-of-water proceeds to charm old ladies with his smile; put behind the microphone he starts singing. And of course, he manages to decorate the store to the nines once everybody’s gone home.
Fascinatingly, it’s not really present-day Ferrell doing the acting: it’s scenes from the original 2003 film Elf, which have been cunningly inserted into, well, Asda. Presumably, the actors involved must have been crushed to learn that they would not be meeting the real-life star of Anchorman. But the sheer audacity involved in bringing this to life has immediately earned my undying respect: bravo.
Cracker rating: 3
7. Aldi
In a crowded festive market, Aldi seems to have decided that the best way to outshine its competitors is to throw the kitchen sink and then some at this year’s Christmas advert.
By which I mean, over the course of two adverts, gives us the return of Kevin the Carrot, the World Cup, Home Alone, a bevy of vegetable puns and an honest-to-god dick joke. I mean, kudos for attempting to stick so many landings, but perhaps inevitably it ends up a vegetable soup of competing themes. Maybe next year, stick to a simple consommé.
Cracker rating: 3
8. Amazon
There’s no festive flex quite like getting Taika Waititi to direct your Christmas marketing.
Set to the obligatory indie song, this year’s offering tells the story of a handsomely moustachioed dad (who doesn’t look a million miles from handsome formerly moustachioed, now bearded, dad Taika Waititi), whose daughter is obsessed with a snow globe. So for Christmas, what better gift is there for this strange child than for dad to make her a life-size snow globe of her very own?
It’s all good fun and - if you overlook the blatant cynicism of Amazon peddling the joys of DIY when all it wants is for you to spend, spend, spend on its website - rather heartwarming.
Cracker rating: 3
9. Waitrose
The Christmas dinner is a near-religious experience for many British households - so it makes sense for Waitrose to make that the focal point of their festive ad. Set to a score of Frank Sinatra’s stone-cold classic It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas, Waitrose takes us from January 1 all the way through to December 2, through the eyes of the farmers growing the food that ends up on our plates.
There’s not a lot of depth to this one, and definitely no attempt to make the Christmas advert a weepy heartstring-tugger - that’s the remit of Waitrose’s partners, John Lewis. Still, it looks nice. Many of the shots have a kind of nice screensaver-esque quality to them; very soothing.
Cracker rating: 3
10. M&S
The inimitable Dawn French, who voiced last year’s advert, is back again for Marks and Spencer, as the Christmas fairy on top of the tree – but this year, she’s looking for a friend. Well, how about bringing real-life mate Jennifer Saunders on board? For it is she, voicing a rather bedraggled duck plaything of the family dog that French’s fairy brings to life with a flick of her wand.
Even in animated form, the pair’s playful banter brings a spark to the proceedings. Unfortunately, about halfway through the advert stumbles and never really gets back up again. French reels off a catalogue of festive foods, derailing the story and ensuring that eyeballs around the country start glazing over faster than a side of festive gammon. And where the oink is Percy Pig? Boo.
Cracker rating: 3
11. Tesco
Britain’s supermarket heavyweight has decided to get a little bit cheeky in this new age of austerity and is tipping a wink to the exasperated general public by creating a political manifesto that people can finally get behind. Billing themselves as “The Christmas Party”, the newly-formed (we presume) political movement promises to bring the joy back to the UK the only way they know how: with cheap mince pies and extra helpings of stuffing.
The only things our prospective festive overlords plan on cutting are “prices, and cake”, they tell us, before calling for a referendum on whether the greatest Christmas film ever made is Love Actually. There’s even a horde of carol singers bedecked in the Tesco colours, merrily singing their mantra of mince pies for £1.12, and scrapping bedtime for children (as might be imagined, the parents on the doorstep look less than thrilled by this). If only the Christmas Party were here to stay.
Cracker rating: 3
12. Morrisons
There’s always a turkey, and this year the crown passes to Morrisons. Our returning hero, of sorts (he first appeared in 2021), on this journey is Father Christmas, again rebranded as Farmer Christmas, complete with a fairy-light bedecked tractor. But as we all know, sequels are a tricky business, and the Godfather II this is not.
The problem is that this ad thinks it has charm by the bucketload – the twinkly old man, the chirpy staff – but it all just contributes to a feeling of being force-fed festive cheer, Morrisons-style, until any hint of it disappears out the window. Hopefully next year they’ll put Farmer Christmas out to pasture for good. Or lock him in the barn.
Cracker rating: 1
