The first line of Chris Tarrant 's book on his life is: "This is not my autobiography."
Ripping up the usual celeb memoir style lets readers revel in the "laughs and ridiculous situations" of his 75 years, which are generously doused with anecdotes involving famous names such as Terry Wogan, David Bowie, Billy Connolly and Paul McCartney.
It also means Chris swerves addressing parts of his personal life, such as the acrimonious split from second wife Ingrid Tarrant, who discovered his seven-year affair with a teacher in 2006.
Ingrid - who is the mother of Chris' youngest two children, Sammy Tarrant, 33, and Radio X DJ Toby Tarrant, 30 - is not even named in the book.
"Well, I wanted to write a book that was mainly funny," he says. "She just doesn't feature in any of the funny stuff."
So on to funnier stuff: Tiswas. Whenever Chris hosts Q&As, the first question is always about the madcap show that launched his television career, the new format of Saturday morning children’s TV and thousands of custard pies.
Two years later in 1976 it was rivalled by the BBC ’s Multi-Coloured Swap Shop fronted by Noel Edmonds.
"There was nothing else on at the time, then there was Noel. I get on very well with Noel but I have to say to him, 'God that was so boring and dull on the other side'. It was so worthy.
"Tiswas was live and very chaotic. I remember rolling about in custard with Sheena Easton, Annie Lennox and Chrissie Hynde and thinking, 'I'm getting paid for this – what a great gig'."
Chris believes censors would pour cold water all over Tiswas today. "We pelted people in a cage with water, there were smoke bombs going off, kids slipping everywhere. There’s no way we'd be able to do that now.
"But back then we had a blank sheet. I used to say, 'I don’t know what I’m doing but I hate Blue Peter'. It was so twee."
For a teenage Lenny Henry, Tiswas was a career-defining moment. “Lenny had won a talent show called New Faces but they didn’t really nurture him. He just sort of disappeared.
“I wanted someone to do a Muhammad Ali impression on Tiswas and was told Lenny did a good Ali.
“I visited him in his dressing room [on Great Yarmouth pier] and we just sat there laughing. There was one bit in his act where his flies burst open and I asked how he did it."
Chris continued: "He said, ‘It’s not supposed to be in the bloody act. I just put on the wrong trousers.'
"We used him once in a while. I’ll be honest we weren't that sure about him. He was very young and very nervous. And then in the second series, he worked up routines on David Bellamy and Trevor McDonald.
"And he grew and grew – he was fantastic. An amazing talent, Len. So I didn't discover him, but I revived his career."
Banking on the success of Tiswas, which peaked with 4.7 million viewers, OTT was an adult late-night show produced and presented by Chris and the very antithesis of woke TV.
"OTT was live, very much experimental TV. Some of it was brilliant. Some was truly dreadful.The classic one was the Rat Man. He came on the show with a boxful of rats which he’d stuff down his see-through tights.
"People were screaming, standing on their seats, going berserk. The place was in uproar. It was fantastic, a sensation. But then we had all these complaints about cruelty to rats."
Reading-born, Midlands-bred Chris has barely been out of the primetime spotlight since those heady days.
But even he nearly turned down the chance to host Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, the world’s most popular quiz show, after his good pal Kenny Everett had done so.
"I think it would have been very funny with Kenny - and a very different show. I said, 'I'll do a pilot, but I’m really too busy to do the actual show if it takes off'. I could've turned down Millionaire, which would have been really stupid. Like the man who turned down The Beatles."
Chris freely admits he disliked some of the contestants. "The job was to not show it. But there was one man, Richard Deeley from Nottingham: Dick by name, d**k by nature.
"I gave him a cheque for £32,000, which I think is a lot of money. He screwed it up and threw it across the studio floor and said, 'We won’t be needing that'.
"I thought it was so insulting to the show, to me, but most of all to a dear old granny who would think £4,000 was a great deal of money. And there was this a*** throwing away a cheque for £32,000.
"When he got his £64,000 question wrong, you could hear the audience going, 'Yes! W***er!' He had to go grovelling around for his cheque on the floor afterwards. What a t****r."
Do you enjoy reading about celebrities? Sign up for all the best celeb news from the Mirror here .
Of course Chris' most famous contestant was Major Charles Ingram, who would have swindled his way to the jackpot in 2001 had it not been for the keen ears of a young editor who alerted bosses to the timely coughs from the audience.
As for Chris' own fortunes, in 2014 he suffered a stroke on a plane. He credits his full recovery to the swift action of paramedics, intensive speech therapy and a physiotherapist who "beat me up."
His partner of 15 years, Jane Bird, helps ensure he stays healthy.
"The stroke was the scariest thing in my life," says Chris. "I thought I was going to die in mid air. I was in good hands but also bloody lucky. And I'm looking after myself.
"I don't drink whisky at all. I just thought neat whisky's probably not a good idea. Jane's been good at sorting out my diet and I don't eat pies and chips. I've lost a bit of weight and am feeling pretty good. Actually, I'm annoyingly happy now."
Chris' book, It's Not a Proper Job, is out now.
Do you have a story to sell? Get in touch with us at webcelebs@mirror.co.uk or call us direct 0207 29 33033.
