Parents should lead by example and get off their phones this Christmas when spending time with family, England’s Children’s Commissioner has said.
Dame Rachel de Souza made the “heartfelt plea” as she spoke of young people telling her about their mothers and fathers scrolling during mealtimes and texting when out for walks together.
Urging families to have “phone-free time”, she said establishing rules that apply to everyone in the household can help, warning “whatever you say, they will follow what you do”.
In an interview with the Press Association, she said: “We have to lead as adults. We can’t talk about banning the kids if we’re not doing it ourselves.”
She admitted she had previously been “as guilty” on the issue, but added: “The thing about children is they will copy what you do, not what you say.
“So absolutely, let’s this Christmas put our phones down, spend time together where both the adults and the children are off their phones together.
“I can’t tell you how many children tell me about sitting at dinner and the parents are on the phone, or they’re out walking on their mobile phones instead of talking.
“And the kids are crying out for the engagement and the support with mum and dad. So this Christmas, let’s turn them off, let’s have some fun together, and let’s lead by example.”
Data published earlier this month from the communications regulator Ofcom found children aged between eight and 14 are spending an average of nearly three hours online each day and also turning to their devices late at night.
Teenagers aged from 13 to 14 are using their smartphones, tablets or laptops for around four hours a day, while eight and nine-year-olds are online for two hours, and 10 to 12-year-olds for around three hours, Ofcom said.
Adults in the UK, meanwhile, spend an average of four-and-a-half hours online a day – an increase of 10 minutes compared with last year, with 18 to 24-year-olds averaging six hours and 20 minutes a day, the regulator found.
Dame Rachel’s comments came as she launched a new guide offering parents tips and advice for online safety, as well as around screen time.
In it, she warned parents and guardians that their role in ensuring their children’s safety online “cannot be outsourced” to schools, politicians, or tech companies, saying her research had shown that most teenagers “may not always say it, but they want clear boundaries”.
The guide, entitled “What I wish my parents knew”, advises parents to be “kind” but “firm” with their children, involve them in rule-setting, and keep the conversation around online safety open and speak often.
Comparing the approach to sex education, Dame Rachel said teenagers had told her they would rather not have a “big one conversation” on online safety, but instead to speak from an early age in a “relaxed and natural” way.
She said while children are aware of bad and dangerous things they might see online, many still say they would not go to their parents about it out of embarrassment and shame, fear they would have their phone confiscated or because they class such content as “a norm”.
She advised parents to talk to their children about both the good and the bad of life online, ask questions and use laughter to ease tension and make conversations more comfortable so parents do not seem too serious or intimidating.
Dame Rachel has previously called for an Australia-style ban on social media for under-16s, but said she is now prepared to give tech firms and Government a year to monitor how well the Online Safety Act is adhered to.
She said: “I’m going to watch really carefully, and at the end of the year, if things are not better, I will be calling for that social media ban under the age of 16.”
Technology Secretary Liz Kendall said: “The Children’s Commissioner’s guide provides vital insight into the online world children are navigating and the conversations families need to have.
“Open conversations between parents and children are crucial. But those conversations are so much more effective when backed by real protections and robust enforcement. We’re committed to making the online world a safer place for children to learn, connect and grow.”
