Parenting isn't an easy job. This big responsibility shapes children, their progress and their lives. How we speak to our children and the language we use is as important as the lessons we share with them, and as such, one expert has issued a warning about some of the worst things parents can say to their offspring, as well as what they can say instead.
Every day presents a new learning opportunity, and that goes for children as well as parents. Child psychologist Professor Sam Wass has been sharing his wisdom with The Mirror. The professor, who is an expert in child stress and attention, claims that the worst thing you can do is to try and tell your little one not to feel their emotions - be it, sadness, anger, or something else entirely - as this would be a big mistake.
Speaking in partnership with Virgin Media O2's Connected Playground, he said: "Inhibiting emotions doesn't work, it doesn't work for adults and it definitely doesn't work on a child, you can't just tell someone to cancel an emotion."
Will you be voting in the local elections? Have your say here
The expert, who has previously appeared on Channel 4 show The Secret Life of 4 and 5 Year Olds, went on to explain: "So for example in September you always see all these parents marching their children to their first day of school, dragging them by the hand and their child is in floods of tears and the parent is walking along and saying in a really cheerful voice 'it's going to be fine, you're going to have a lovely time, don't be scared'. And that is exactly what not to do as it just doesn't work."
So how do we fix that phrase, which so naturally comes out of our mouths in an attempt to make everything right? Professor Wass says that instead of telling them what not to feel, you should try and explain to your child what their emotions are.
"What we think does work is just describing what a child might be feeling, we call this building metacognitive awareness and it's the awareness of the inner child and what they are feeling," he said.
"It's something we never teach children in schools but it's something we have to learn. Children aren't aware of what they're feeling, they can't describe it and that's because they don't know it themselves. It's only by you describing to them what they are feeling that they gain that self-awareness of what it is."
He added: "Something about being self-aware of what we're feeling helps us to manage that emotion and helps it to reduce.
"What I would do as a parent is just to help my child gain self-awareness about what they are feeling, so putting it in non-judgemental terms, saying something like 'it seems to me you are feeling this' and putting a verbal label on it to help them understand better and learn what their own emotions are."
This comes after the expert explained how to defuse a toddler's tantrum. According to the Mirror, he explained how many people often try and use logic to deal with a tantrum, but this doesn't work with children as their brains aren't developed enough to handle reason.
Professor Wass explained: "Toddlers are at this stage when the emotional centres of their brains are massive and their reason centres are tiny, so a much more effective way to deal with a tantrum is to comment on what they're saying and echo it back to them using their language."
So how exactly would you go about doing this? "If the child is talking in two-word phrases, saying things like 'want juice' or 'want custard', you can match their language and their intonation," he clarifies.
"They'll be very up and down in their voice, so you copy that. Match their state and what they're saying, commentate on it, almost like a football commentator would, so if they're saying 'I want custard', you would say 'Freddie wants custard' to make sure they feel understood.
"This feeling of being understood will help them calm down and then you'll be able to shift their attention on to something else."
READ NEXT:
BBC Breakfast fans beg Naga Munchetty to quit 'filthy' habit after glimpse of off-screen time
£375k city flat with beautiful garden and castle in its sight
Primark shoppers embracing the '80s vibe' with £12 wardrobe staple
The 92 Notts people banned from running a company including a woman jailed for manslaughter
