Notorious prisoner Charles Bronson has branded himself "almost an angel" while also saying he has little remorse for some of his hostage victims.
These are among some of the bizarre comments he made today while trying to convince the panel of his public parole hearing that he's ready to be released.
It comes after he said "there’s nothing better than wrapping a governor up like a Christmas turkey" when talking about taking hostages in prison.
The Parole Board will be deciding if one of the UK's longest-serving prisoners should remain behind bars. He is the second inmate in UK legal history to have his case heard in public.
Dubbed one of Britain's most violent offenders, Bronson - who changed his surname to Salvador in 2014 after the artist Salvador Dali, has been in prison for much of the last 50 years, often spending time in solitary confinement or specialist units.
Bronson previously told how he was first sent to jail in 1968 and has held 11 hostages in nine different sieges - with victims including governors, doctors, staff and, on one occasion, his own solicitor.
He was sentenced in 2000 to a discretionary life term with a minimum of four years for taking a prison teacher at HMP Hull hostage for 44 hours. Since then, the Parole Board has repeatedly refused to direct his release.
Here are eight comments Bronson made today:
'We will be here all f***ing day'
Bronson, who had been sipping what appeared to be a small carton of juice through a straw, briefly stood up during the hearing and began asking for a tissue.
“I haven’t p***ed myself,” he told the hearing as he placed the tissue under the juice carton and sat back down.
Amid long pauses, while the panel asked his prisoner offender manager questions, Bronson said: “We will be here all f****** day, won’t we?”
'We all love a bet, guv'
The hearing has also heard that Bronson - wearing his infamous dark glasses, black braces and a black tie - had asked someone outside of prison to place a bet on the football.
He told the panel: “We all love a bet, guv, come on.”
'I've been very naughty, but not naughty naughty - just naughty'
From his opening remarks:
"First of all, it's no secret I've had more porridge than Goldilocks and the three bears.
"I'm sick of it. I've had enough and I want to go home.
"You've got hundreds and hundreds of pages, statements, security, call it what you will, half of it is cr*p, absolute rubbish.
"There's one statement I believe and that's from .... the psychologists. When she told me this, I said to her straight away, 'That would make a beautiful title of a book'.
"She called me a retired prison activist. She's so spot on, it's unbelievable.
"That's exactly what I am, I'm a retired prison activist. I put my hands up, out of the 50 years I've been in prison, I've probably deserved 35 years of it.
"I've been very naughty, not naughty naughty, just naughty.
"I was a prison activist when I went on the prison roofs - I've been on nine prison roofs and I enjoyed every f***ing one of them.
"I was protesting about the brutality in the 70s and 80s, it was a brutal, brutal environment, 99.9% of the prison officers were ex-military. You could see your face in their faces, they were hard men and if you f***ed around they jumped all over you.
"I've slept in padded rooms, in cages, in boxes, I've spent well over 40 years of my life in solitary confinement.
"Don't think I'm wearing these glasses for sinister reasons, my eyes have been blown out by the light. These are prescription glasses.
"I've had 11 hostages, I'm not proud of it but I'm not ashamed of it. Am I sorry? Maybe. Would I do it again? Absolutely not.
"I've come to the stage of my life, I'm 70 years old, I'm going out with a bus pass after 50 years of my life.
"I've had punishment after punishment. I've slept in straight jackets and they once took my sanity away.
"I've had everything you can think of, 10 times over, but how much longer have I got. I'm ready now, I'm chilled out now.
"I've handled situations 100 times better than I used to, I'm no longer angry.
"I'm terrified of the consequences of my actions because I know if I do anything serious again I will die in prison and that's why I've changed."
'There’s nothing better than wrapping a governor up like a Christmas turkey'
Bronson, who has taken hostages on nine different occasions while in prison, said: “I was a horrible person and I couldn’t stop taking hostages.
“I went through a phase, I couldn’t help taking hostages.
“I was battling against the system … it was my way of getting back.
“There’s nothing better than wrapping a governor up like a Christmas turkey.”
'I had the rumble of my life'
When questioned about several incidents behind bars a few years ago and why they happened, Bronson said: “I love a rumble. What man doesn’t?”
Describing one incident, in which the parole review was told he stripped naked and “greased up”, he said: “I took half a tub of Lurpak with me, stripped off and had the rumble of my life. It was f****** brilliant.”
'Almost an angel'
He previously told the hearing how he is “almost an angel now” compared with his old self.
“I have not walked on grass for over 30 years and I dream of walking on grass,” he said.
The 70-year-old said he has changed his ways and there would be no more “rumbles” behind bars.
He 'was an a*****e, is an a*****e and will die an a*****e'
Asked about causing one of his victims – a prison governor – post-traumatic stress disorder, Bronson said: “That was 30 years ago and I’ve moved on from that long ago.
“Governor (Adrian) Wallace was an a*****e, is an a*****e and will die an a*****e.”
Referring to Phil Danielson, the prison art teacher he took hostage for three days, Bronson said he would like to meet him after his release.
He told the panel if he had his time again he would “probably have just chinned him”.
Bronson said the most humiliating thing he did to the teacher was tying a skipping rope around his neck and walking him around the prison landing.
'If I was a dog I'd have had the RSCPA on my side'
Bronson said he felt remorse for taking art teacher Phil Danielson hostage, but not the governor of Hull prison Adrian Wallace, or three Iraqi inmates he held at Belmarsh.
The inmate also said he is not ashamed of his protests when he climbed onto prison roofs.
“Why would I be ashamed? I’m fighting the penal system that has done humiliating things to me for decades,” he said.
Describing his treatment by the prison system over the years he said: “If I was a dog I’d have had the RSPCA on my side.”
He said prison now is more like a hospital, and that other inmates have CD and DVD players in their cells, and their own bedding.
“I don’t want my cell to be a furnished bedsit… Unfortunately prison today is full of fairies,” Bronson said.
