’Tis the season for resolutions, and if yours are all about reducing your impact on the planet then you may find yourself at loggerheads this holiday season with friends whose 2025 goals are a bit less green.
If you are embracing under-consumption core while your friends remain Amazon and Temu evangelists, then is it a sign you should go your separate ways? It might be, but theories of change management can help us understand when cutting ties is premature.
Change management refers to the study, theory and practice of leading change in organizations. While change management as a discipline is organization-focused, its strategies are applicable to interpersonal challenges, such as navigating what appear to be irreconcilable differences in environmental responsibility between friends.
One framework, called ADKAR, asserts that change has five sequential phases: awareness, desire, knowledge, action and reinforcement. Employing an ADKAR approach — alongside important principles from the study of interpersonal communication — can help you keep your friendships intact while also gently nudging your friends along a more planet-friendly path.
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Building awareness
When we make requests for change, we often expect to see action. But, ADKAR holds that action is the fourth step in any change journey, not the first. Thinking like change managers, we must first build awareness that there is an urgent need for change. And, we need to do this in a way that opens conversations, not forecloses them.
Let’s return to our Amazon example. Amazon has been criticized as promoting hyperconsumption — with a questionable human equity record — at a time when environmental organizations from the United Nations to the David Suzuki Foundation remind us that we need to drastically limit the number of new items we buy every year.
Knowing this, you may spot an Amazon package on your friend’s doorstep and be tempted to hand it over saying, “I’m surprised you shop at Amazon, given how bad it is.”
Such a comment, while perhaps well-meaning, is a dead end. Your friend is likely to reply with a simple red herring: “I could say the same about you and your car.”
This kind of accusatory interaction will fail to bring change.
Instead, over dinner, with no Amazon packages in sight, you might say, “I have been thinking lately about how much I buy.” An “I-statement” opener provides you the opportunity to offer careful, well-researched observations that build awareness about a broken status quo. Because the observations stem from self-reflection, not criticism, you stand a chance at avoiding a serpentine model of a deteriorating conversation.
Studies in change management report that the effort to build awareness and urgency should not be underestimated. While this first phase can be the most time-consuming and difficult, it is also the most important. Patience is a virtue.
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Laying the foundations
Let’s say you have successfully made your friend aware of an issue. What’s next?
Awareness is a prelude to desire, which means making a personal connection to an issue and committing to change. If building awareness is about making a case for the urgency and necessity of change, then building desire means helping people formulate their own reasons for getting on board.
There are no surefire ways to achieve desire, but ADKAR suggests that some strategies are more successful than others. Coalition is one such strategy.
While coalitions in organizations could include hundreds of people (think about a union requesting change from management), a coalition in this case might consist of just two: you and your friend. It might also begin with a simple question: “will you join me?” Asking this question not only demonstrates relationship-strengthening vulnerability but also provides your friend a personal reason for getting on board: honouring your friendship.
Assuming efforts to build awareness of the issue have been successful, and your friend has a desire to change, then the next important step is to develop knowledge about how to change.
In organizations, the knowledge phase is supported by communicators and change managers who prepare training guides including job aids, FAQs, helplines and town halls. Materials and events like these help employees adopt new behaviours by ensuring that the “new” way of doing things can be understood and that support is only a phone call away.
Returning to friendships, your efforts in the knowledge phase might not necessarily be writing job aids and FAQs, but the underlying principles are the same. As a change leader, you need to demonstrate that there are viable alternatives that can be readily practised. And, perhaps most importantly, you need to assure your friend that you will be there to support them along the way.
Keeping to the example of Amazon or Temu, actions might involve making and sharing a list of local vendors where your friend can get their favourite things. Or, it might mean a monthly thrift date. Even an agreement to text each other when you feel the urge to make impulsive online purchases can go a long way. What matters are tangible, practical plans.
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Shepherding peers from climate antagonism to allyship requires significant time and effort. This can be frustrating because as climate advocates, we want others to be taking the same actions we do. However, it is important to remember that every climate activist on earth, including yourself, has arrived at that point as a result of a process of building an awareness and desire for change.
So, before you cut ties with your friends over their latest Temu haul, try speaking with them openly and honestly. In doing so, you could help them become a planet ally and deepen your friendship in the process.
Crystal Chokshi does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.
This article was originally published on The Conversation. Read the original article.
