While this may be the happiest time of year for many, for others, it's a more difficult time. This is the case for Billie Lourd, who lost her mother, Carrie Fisher, on the 27th of December, 2016. Fisher was 60 when she passed away. Only one day later, Fisher's mother, Debbie Reynolds, died at age 84.
For the 7-year anniversary of her mother's death, Lourd took to Instagram to reflect on the complexities of grief and her mother's continuing presence in her life. She posted a photo of herself as a child with her mother.
The photo of Lourd and Fisher was captioned:
"It has been 7 years since my mom died (but who’s counting?? Me I guess?) Every anniversary brings a different iteration of my grief. Some infuse me with rage, some make me cry all day long, some make me feel dissociated and empty, some make me feel nothing, some make me feel guilty for feeling nothing, and some make me feel all of those things all at once. This year when I woke up I felt grateful - or ✨griefull✨if you will. Grief has infused my life with a sense of appreciation I had never had before. It makes me soak up every moment of joy as if it were my last. Today I was holding my daughter while she was napping in my arms and my eyes welled up with tears of joy. I laughed at myself then cried more cause I was laughing. I felt my mombys presence like the warmth of the sun on your skin on a hot summer day. The kind of warmth where you unknowingly close your eyes and take a slow breath through your nose and grin. I miss her every day but the cliche is also true - she is with me every day - she infuses my joyful moments with even more joy. As I tell my son, she lives in the stars - and she damn sure makes my life sparkle. Sending my love to all my griefers out there. And hoping everyone can feel a little sparkle of griefull among all the feelings grief inevitably brings. ❤️"
As someone who has experienced the aching grief of losing a parent too soon, this brought me instantly to tears. I'll definitely be using the term "griefull" in the future.
It's beautiful how Lourd connects her own experiences of motherhood with her memories of her Fisher and can now see the beauty in her loss. Lourd covers the many different stages of grief and how it is never linear.
Just last May, Lourd honored Fisher at the actress' posthumous Hollywood Walk of Fame. Fisher was best known for her role as Princess Leia in Star Wars, and Lourd reflected upon this in her speech.
She said, "I feel so lucky that even though they won't get to meet my mom, they will get to know a piece of her through Leia. And I will get to tell them that the little lady in the TV is my momby, their grandmomby."
Lourd wore a custom dress that featured Fisher as Princess Leia, a fun way to bring a piece of her mom to the day.
So, while we all celebrate this wonderful time of year, take a moment for those who have lost someone and combine the joy of this time with a bit of grief.
