THE FINAL RECKONING
It’s a big weekend in the Premier League. Manchester City v Newcastle United, Abu Dhabi v Saudi Arabia, Tactical Fouling v Tactical Fou … Nope, sorry, Football Daily couldn’t give even a partial one about that soulless circus. Not this weekend, because England are in a World Cup final! A football World Cup final as well. The last time that happened, our fusty ancestor Football Yearly was still wearing short pants.
At 11am BST on Sunday, the team that any middle-aged male teatime email really shouldn’t go round calling the Lionesses will play Spain. If they win - and, against such high-class opposition, that’s a Brobdingnagian if – England Women will have basically completed football in the space of 13 months: European Championship, World Cup. Hell, they’ve even won the Finalissima!
The excitement is certainly building in FD Towers. We’re proudly wearing our original replica Mary Earps jersey, unavailable in the shops but sourced for just £200 by our entrepreneurial uncle Arthur Daily. With that Puma logo on our right breast, the world’s our lobster. We’re getting carried away with the excitement, which is what English teatime emails are conditioned to do at the merest suggestion of sporting success. Thankfully, traditional English failings – hubris, giddiness, hoofing penalties into another postcode, blokes with lit flare protruding from their rhythm section – don’t apply to this team.
While Euro 2022 was one big party, the World Cup has been a gruelling, multifaceted test of England’s depth, resilience, tactical flexibility, nerve and other words that will come to us in a second. They’ve already played against teams from six continents (Antarctica didn’t qualify), so it’s apt they will end the tournament against a team with a style all of their own.
Spain are a uniquely awkward opponent. No other team has dominated England like they did for large parts of the Euro 2022 quarter-final, when England needed an 84th-minute equaliser from Ella Toone and a mighty extra-time winner from Georgia Stanway to get through. Their team includes Alexia Putellas, winner of the Ballon d’Or in the last two years, and Aitana Bonmatí, who will be nailed on to succeed her if Spain win on Sunday.
Whatever the result, it sounds like Sarina Wiegman, England’s modest genius of a coach, will be around for a while yet. Given her record – two European Championship wins and two World Cup finals since 2017 – it’s understandable she has been linked with the vacant USA. USA. USA. (where are those exclamation marks?) job. “I have a contract until 2025,” she said. “I’m really enjoying my job and I have the impression that people still like me doing the job. I have no plans to leave.”
At her pre-final press conference, Wiegman credited her assistant Arjan Veurink for one of the key moments of England’s tournament – the switch to 3-5-2 which, among other things, created the relentless, irresistible strike partnership of Lauren Hemp and Alessia Russo. England are likely to play on the break for parts of the final; Hemp and Russo are their best hope of following the Japan Guide to Beating – Nay, Thrashing – Spain.
England are likely to be unchanged, though Lauren James is available again after suspension and may yet break the world record for the fastest return trip from hero to zero and back again. Spain have to decide whether to start the brilliant teenager Salma Paralluelo, who came off the bench to score vital goals in the quarter- and semi-finals. Whatever happens, it will be a glorious story for one simple reason: it’s the World Cup final, you eejit!
Oh and neither team has won it before, which will make it even more special.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I say to all the women, and you know I have four daughters, so I have a few at home, I say to all the women that you have the power to change. Pick the right battles. Pick the right fights. You have the power to change. You have the power to convince us men what we have to do and what we don’t have to do. You do it. Just do it. With men, with Fifa, you will find open doors. Just push the doors. They are open” – Fifa chief suit Gianni Infantino flaps his gums in the idiotic style as he waffles his way to the conclusion that it’s not down to powerful men like him to bring about equal pay in World Cup football. He’s building up quite the collection of World Cup buffoonery.
LEARNING THE LESSONS OF LIFE
“I missed out on a lot. I just feel like I want to experience life” – Theo Walcott confirms he has hung up his boots. If he really wants a fast-track route to becoming worldly wise he’s very welcome to join Football Daily on work experience – he’s got to fulfil that untapped potential somewhere.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
“How great to see Michael Olise decide to stay at Crystal Palace, where, once he returns to fitness, he will show what he can do in a team built around his strengths. Such a refreshing difference from younger players wasting the best years of their careers on the bench of a Big Cup club, or the recent stream of stories of older players moving to the sand and searing heat in search of a final big contract. No offence meant to James Milner, naturally” – Ed Taylor.
“Player names and lyrics (Football Daily letters passim): my favourite is Liverpool’s Alisson. Whenever I hear his name I think of the chorus to the similarly named Elvis Costello track: ‘Alisson, I know this world is killing you / Oh Alisson, my aim is true.’ Just swap ‘my’ for the name of the goalscorer when Liverpool concede. Even better – and quite poignant – for own goals” – Nick Roe.
“Whenever Wolves are on TV and the ball arrives at the feet of Jonny, someone presses play on the Fine Young Cannibals in my head. ‘Jonny, we’re sorry … won’t you come on home?’ I don’t mind, it’s a belting tune” – George Jones.
“Seeing as it’s topical, news of Theo’s retirement reminded me that whenever his name was uttered in days gone by, I couldn’t help but hear the piano kick off on this Vampire Weekend banger” – Gary Bradley.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Ed Taylor, for sticking to a fine payoff despite surely knowing Brighton has a pebble beach.
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