Can being codependent in a relationship actually be a good thing?

Nedra Glover Tawwab, a therapist and relationships expert, makes the distinction between healthy and unhealthy dependency in a relationship. Illustration: Rita Liu/The Guardian

Many of us desire deeper relationships. What we don’t always agree on is how close is too close. Dating advice often casts intimacy as a tightrope – pull back too much, or push for more. Either move is read as a red flag. Between discussions of incompatible attachment styles, the importance of boundaries and the dangers of love-bombing, it’s easy to get the impression there’s a correct level of closeness to aim for.

In truth, intimacy isn’t one-size-fits-all and comfort levels vary – not just between individuals, but across their relationships.