We thought the struggle was real for Matthew Hudson-Smith during an extraordinary 44 seconds at Hayward Field, as he fought the lactic acid in his legs and the fire in his lungs. Really, though, we had no idea. No idea at all.
Soon after the 27-year-old from Birmingham ended the race of his life with a world 400m bronze medal around his neck, and a smile that suggested glorious catharsis, he revealed the shocking truth of how everything had nearly gone permanently dark.
“Not a lot of people know this, but I attempted suicide,” he said. And then, suddenly, it all came tumbling out. How he had suffered huge mental health issues. Gone into substantial financial debt in the US because of injuries. Lost his sponsors. And, having been isolated in America during Covid, began slipping dangerously towards the edge.
“In 2018, I won the Europeans even though everything didn’t go to plan,” he said. “In 2019, I tore my achilles, tore my hamstring, messed up my hip. I had huge debts because I didn’t have American health insurance. During Covid in 2020 I was stuck in America by myself. And in 2021 I had huge mental health issues.”
The loss of two of his mentors, the former UK Athletics head coach Neil Black and his close friend Lloyd Cowan, also stung him deeply. But then, thankfully, a close team of friends, family and confidantes managed to pull him back from the brink. “I couldn’t do the Olympics for several reasons,” he said. “I was also racing knowing I was hurt all the time. But it’s also been mental. A lot of people would have cracked.”
Even when the worst was over, he thought about quitting. “My mum and girlfriend were, like, ‘give it a year’,” he said. “I was going to be an electrician.” He then found a new sponsor in Puma and was able to pay off his debts.
After a year free of injury and doubts, Hudson-Smith was able to light up Eugene in a far more spectacular way: by finally showing the world the depths of his talent and resolve. He was helped along the way by a chance meeting with the Mexico 1968 gold medallist, Tommie Smith, one of the smoothest sprinters on the track as well as a powerful advocate for social change off it. He had watched the Briton lose his focus during his semi-final, when he began to look around before the line, and offered him some urgent advice for the final.
“He told me: ‘Don’t look to your left, don’t look to your right, just look straight forward,” said Hudson-Smith, who listened and learned and then delivered. Coming off the final bend, Hudson-Smith was surrounded by three others who scented a medal. America’s Michael Norman, the fourth-fastest man in history. Kirani James, of Grenada, a world and Olympic champion, and the world record holder, Wayde van Niekirk.
In such exalted company, many would have panicked. Especially when Norman glided away to win gold in 44.29sec, ahead of James, who took silver in 44.48sec. But while Van Niekerk began to fade, and the fifth-placed Champion Allison began to surge, Hudson-Smith kept his form true to claim a brilliant bronze in 44.66sec.
“My coach said he already knew Champion was going to come at the end,” he said. “And then I felt someone outside of me. In my head I thought: ‘Just take out Champion.’
“I was just looking forward. Then I had an anxious wait. But when I saw my name and I just dropped to the floor because these three years have been absolute hell.”
As Hudson-Smith crossed the line he was given his medal by Iwan Thomas – the British record holder for 25 years until Hudson-Smith surpassed it in May. His face told you there could be no sweeter moment.
Hudson-Smith also praised another mentor, the former 400m Olympic champion Christine Ohuruogu, as well as his “best friend” Dina Asher-Smith, who was bouncing and roaring in the main stand as he claimed his first global medal.
That moment was the culmination of a remarkable journey that began when Hudson-Smith was a teenager working at Asda in 2014. At that point he was close to joining the army, having failed at the British trial. Instead a sliding doors moment sent his life in another direction.
When Michael Bingham pulled out of the Glasgow Diamond League, Hudson-Smith was the unknown chosen to compete with the world’s best. “I called Asda and said I’m not coming back,” he said.
“They said I could return any time but I said ‘no, I’m not coming back’. That weekend I ran 44 seconds for 400m.”
In the blink of an eye Hudson-Smith found himself anchoring the English relay team to 2014 Commonwealth Games gold and won individual silver at the European Championships. People talked about him as the next superstar of British athletics. Instead, injuries and troubles knocked him sideways and back.
At 27, some felt Hudson-Smith’s moment had slipped forever. Now, though, the British runner is dreaming of brighter days and shinier medals.
“People know my talent, he said. “People know what I can offer. You saw me run 44.3 now consecutively. This is my first chance for a medal on the world stage. A lot of people push on from here. It’s my first year with my coach. Anything is possible.”
Anything, yes. And everything.
In the UK, Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123 and the domestic abuse helpline is 0808 2000 247. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14 and the national family violence counselling service is on 1800 737 732. In the US, the suicide prevention lifeline is 1-800-273-8255 and the domestic violence hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Other international helplines can be found via www.befrienders.org.
