A woman is being blamed by her best friend for ruining her marriage after she convinced the bride to confront her “cocky frat boy” fiancé for not pulling his weight in wedding plans, leading him to call off the wedding. However, the internet is rallying behind the woman saying that she saved her friend from “a miserable married life”.
In a viralpost shared on the popular Reddit forum “Am I The A**hole” on Thursday, user Grand-Notice410 asked whether she was in the wrong for suggesting that her friend tell her “materialistic” fiancé that “her family has gone broke” and the couple would have to pay for the wedding themselves, in order to see his true intentions.
The original poster [OP] explained that she has been best friends with the bride, Leila, since elementary school. Leila has been dating an “awful”, “cocky frat boy” named Steven for the last five years. The two are engaged, but “he hasn’t had a hand in [wedding] planning since day one”. The Reddit user said that he has shot down every wedding decision she’s made, and it doesn’t help that her future mother-in-law is also “controlling.”
“Leila’s family is well-off and they’re paying for everything,” she wrote, adding that her grandparents were even going to purchase them a house once they were married. “Steven is materialistic and everything is about money. He often brags about how much money he has. (Has none.) That he’s marrying into money and that they won’t have to work if they don’t want to. (Not true but he’s aware of a large money gift her parents are going to give HER. Well, they have given it to her, but she hasn’t told him.)”
She explained that Steven’s materialistic attitude has also caused some tension within her best friend’s family, and Leila’s father even threatened to “pull the plug on the wedding.”
A second dilemma occurred when it came to planning their honeymoon. Steven’s parents are paying for the honeymoon, and while her friend wished to go somewhere exotic, he proposed Las Vegas – so that he could meet with his friends at the casino. However, Leila’s future mother-in-law sided with her son and pointed out that since they were the ones paying for the trip, it was his decision.
“Leila comes over upset and asked for an input from me and another friend,” the OP wrote. “She knows I don’t like Steven. I’ve never hidden the fact of how I felt about him and the way that he treats her. While one friend suggested that the families sit down and talk, I’m the a**holish friend that suggested she tell him that her family has gone broke and that they are going to have to pay for their wedding and house, to see his true intentions. On a civil note, I also suggested that she postpone the wedding until they were on the right page or walk away from the relationship. She disagreed.”
When Leila took her friend’s advice and pretended that her family had no money to pay for the wedding, Steven called off the nuptials. “I’m now being blamed for ruining her marriage, that I should have never told her such a thing because she was under a lot of stress and wasn’t thinking clearly,” she said. “Her father is on my side, while her mother claims I’m in the wrong and that I need to fix it.”
“I was even called jealous by some of our friends,” she added. “Leila’s too upset to even talk to me. I didn’t make her do it, but am I the AITA for suggesting she do it?”
The Reddit post went viral overnight, with more than 9,000 interactions and 831 comments. A majority of Reddit users sided with OP that she helped save her friend from a “financially abusive” marriage. Others encouraged OP that Leila may be mad at her right now, but she will soon come around.
“In time she will see she dodged a bullet. She may never forgive you though. People are funny,” said u/amish__.
“Why are they blaming you for ruining their marriage? Those people should be thanking you for saving Leila from an obvious gold-digger,” commented u/PacifistWarFreak. “If that guy so readily cancelled the wedding because she told him that her family is broke, then clearly it was not her that he really cared about but her family’s money. Don’t feel guilty, OP, and tell your friend that she dodged a big bullet.”
“Sounds like you helped her dodge a bullet from a controlling and financially abusive married life,” said u/TheKarolinaReaper. “That would have been a nightmare of a marriage.”
“You are NTA [not the a**hole], and you are a great friend. However, if she doesn’t realise it now, she may not ever realise it. Glad her dad at least realises it,” commented u/Traditional_Pilot_26. “If she acts the fool to you now, she may never apologise even if she realises what you did for her one day. Pride is a funny thing. Please don’t ever stop being you.”
Others took the opportunity to share their own personal experiences in dealing with friends who were soon-to-be married to the wrong person. One user explained how they once told a friend that her boyfriend was cheating on her, but she refused to believe her friend.
“He made up a lie but still left her, she convinced herself he didn’t cheat but that they weren’t compatible and that was the reason they broke up,” they commented. “I believe it’s a way to relieve their own conscience, because if im right, she’s afraid she’ll look stupid and like he played her, because everyone was saying how bad that relationship was. But if I’m bad, she’s in the clear.”
